Girls, Be Ambitious!

Pictures of Peru

2009-06-09T18:28:00.000-07:00

새롭게 만나는 터키의 매력 한-터 수교 50주년 기념 터키 문화전

2009-06-09T18:24:00.000-07:00

새롭게 만나는 터키의 매력

한-터 수교 50주년 기념 터키 문화전

글. 박광수 / 사진. 김현민. 와우이미지.

아시아와 유럽의 접점에서 동서를 연결하는 터키는 히타이트에서 시작해 로마, 비잔틴제국, 오스만제국 등 1만년에 걸쳐 20여 개의 문명이 탄생하고 사라져간 찬란한 역사의 현장으로 인류문명이 시작된 티그리스, 유프라테스강의 발원지이며, 신화 속 미다스왕의 고분과 트로이 목마, 노아의 방주 등의 흔적을 찾아볼 수 있어 인류문명의 박물관으로 불리고 있다.

형제의 나라 터키
한국과 터키의 관계를 나타내는 대표적인 표현은 혈맹(血盟), 즉 피로 맺은 형제(blood brother)다. 이미 알려진 대로 양국의 끈끈한 유대 관계는 1만 5천여 명의 터키군이 참전한 한국전쟁의 영향이 크다. 터키인들은 어려운 시기에 도움을 준 한국이 불과 반세기 만에 눈부신 경제성장을 일궈낸 사실을 매우 자랑스럽게 생각한다고 한다. 1999년 이스탄불 대지진으로 심각한 인명피해가 발생했을 때, 한국이 성심껏 도와준 일도 터키인에게는 잊을 수 없는 기억이다. 터키 참전 용사들의 지극한 한국 사랑은 다음 세대로 이어져 2002년 한일 월드컵 때 다시 만개했다. 2007년은 ‘한국-터키 우정의 해’이자 수교 50주년을 맞는 해로 그 어느 때보다 많은 문화행사가 열리고 있다. 9월에는 터키영화제와 터키민속춤, 10월엔 터키군악대와 터키 클래식 음악 연주회가 한국인을 기다리고 있다.
터키 미술의 화려함을 만나다
터키 문화전 ‘이스탄불에서 불어온 바람’이 한국-터키 수교 50주년을 기념하여 이스탄불 문화원과 한국-터키 친선협회, 이스탄불 시청이 공동으로 주최하고 한국국제교류재단의 후원으로 지난 7월 18일부터 30일까지 성황리에 개최되었다. 이번 전시에서는 터키의 전통 세밀화 ‘미니아튀르’, 파피루스 위에 그린 유채화, 물과 기름이 서로 섞이지 않는 성질을 이용해 문양을 만들어 내는 터키 전통미술 ‘마블링’ 등 다양한 작품이 전시되어 평상시 쉽게 접하기 힘들었던 터키 미술을 만나는 좋은 기회가 되었다.
‘미니아튀르’는 2006 노벨문학상 수상자인 오르한 파묵의 작품 ‘내 이름은 빨강’에서 중요소재로 등장하기도 하는 터키 전통민화로 19세기 중엽까지 종교서적의 삽화나 장식에 많이 이용되었다. 이번 전시에서는 대표적인 미니아튀르 화가 오메르 딘체르 킬리치(Omer Dincer Kilic)의 작품 40여 점을 선보였는데, 작은 화폭에 정밀하게 그려낸 스케치 위에 화려한 원색을 채색해 당시 왕족들의 풍족하고 화려한 삶을 강렬하게 보여주었다.
파피루스는 지중해 연안의 습지에서 무리지어 자라는 높이 1~2미터의 식물로, 껍질을 벗겨내고 속을 가늘게 찢은 뒤 말려 종이처럼 만들었는데 인류 최초의 종이로 잘 알려져 있다. 파피루스는 가볍고 동그랗게 말려 휴대가 간편하여 8세기 이전까지 유럽에서 기록매체로 애용되다가, 중국의 종이 제조법이 아랍을 통해 유럽에 전해지면서 사라졌다. 이번 전시에서는 파피루스 위에 유채화를 그리는 것으로 유명한 카디르 에킴(Kadir Ekim)의 작품 13점이 전시되었는데 파피루스 특유의 질감에 유화의 부드러운 터치가 가미되어 만들어 낸 화풍이 매우 독특한 느낌을 주었다.
마블링은 물과 기름이 섞이지 않는 성질을 이용한 우연의 효과를 살려 작품을 만드는데, 종이를 기름 섞은 물 위에 흡착시켜 만든다. 조선시대 선비들이 한지를 사랑한 것만큼 오스만 터키인들은 당시에 사용했던 아랍문자를 사랑했다고 하는데, 외국인들의 흥미를 불러일으키기에 충분한 아랍문자를 이용한 마블링을 제작함으로써 그들만의 예술세계를 표현하고자 했다. 마블링에 있어서 최고 권위자이자 터키 최고의 미술인으로 평가받는 사드레딘 오즈치미(Sadreddin Ozcimi)의 마블링 작품 15점도 이번 전시회에서 선보였다. 어렸을 적 누구나 한 번쯤은 해봤을 테지만 막상 의도했던대로 만들기는 어려웠던 마블링. 그러나 이날 전시된 마블링 작품들은 정교하게 계산된 우연을 통해 화려하고 아름다운 색감을 보여 주었다.

더욱 가깝게 느껴지는 터키의 매력
이들 미술작품과 함께 터키의 아름다운 풍경과 화려한 역사, 문화를 보여주는 사진 60여 점도 전시되었다. 1Km 너비의 보스포러스 해협을 사이에 두고 유럽과 아시아가 만나는 이스탄불은 육상 실크로드의 머나먼 여정이 마침내 유럽에 첫발을 딛는 위치로, 그리스 로마 시대의 문화 유적과 이슬람 문화, 옛 것과 새 것, 동양과 서양이 공존하는 곳이며 도시 전체가 유적지이며 세계 3대 미항으로 불린다.
로마 제국 전성기에는 서유럽에 라틴 문화가 널리 보급되었다. 그러나 동서로 분열된 뒤 그리스 반도에 중심을 두고 있던 동로마 제국은 헬레니즘 문화의 전통이 강했고 이 문화적 전통이 동방의 요소와 결합하여 비잔틴 문화가 형성되었다. 오늘날 터키가 비잔틴식 건축과 회화 등 서유럽과는 구별되는 문화를 가지게 된 것은 바로 비잔틴 문화의 영향을 받았기 때문이다.
터키는 많은 사람들이 생각하는 것과는 반대로 거대한 초원국가이다. 전시된 사진들을 통해서 이스탄불의 풍경, 거대한 초원, 여러 민족의 생활 모습 등 다양한 터키의 모습을 감상한 관람객들은 터키를 좀 더 이해할 수 있는 좋은 기회였다는 후기를 남겼다.
“평상시에도 터키 문화에 관심이 많았습니다. 이번 전시를 통해 터키에 대해서 좀 더 깊게 알아가는 좋은 기회가 되었고, 아쉬운 점은 이런 행사들이 좀 더 많이 알려져서 더 많은 사람들이 볼 수 있었으면 좋겠네요.” 관람객 이진영 님

이번 전시에서는 터키의 전통 세밀화 ‘미니아튀르’, 파피루스 위에 그린 유채화, 물과 기름이 서로 섞이지 않는 성질을 이용해 문양을 만들어 내는 터키 전통미술 ‘마블링’ 등 다양한 작품이 전시되어 평상시 쉽게 접하기 힘들었던 터키 미술을 만나는 좋은 기회가 되었다.

Moroco

2009-06-09T18:08:00.000-07:00

일찍이 아랍의 지배자들 사이에선 미지의 세계로 널리 알려진 모로코. 대서양과 지브롤터 해협을 사이에 두고 유럽과 접해 있는 모로코를 선망의 대상으로 간주했던 사람들은 비단 아랍인들뿐만 아니었다. 페니키아, 그리스, 그리고 세계의 정복자 로마까지. 미지의 땅을 차지하기 위하여 끊임없이 노력을 경주했지만 최후의 승리자는 7세기경부터 이 땅을 지배한 아랍인들이다.

Morocco
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Erg Chebbi , dune field near village of Merzouga, on edge of Sahara Desert
사하라 사막의 끝자락_ 모래사구_ 에르그 《모래로 뒤덮인 광대한 지역》

모로코에서는 많은 헐리우드 영화가 촬영되었다.
모로코에서 처음 촬영된 영화는 말린 디트리히(Marlene Dietrich) 였고 1942년 카사블랑카가 만들어졌다. 피터 오 툴(Peter O'Toole)이 아라비아의 로렌스 촬영으로 모로코를 활개치고 다니는 바람에 모로코는 그 당시 미국인들에게 환상의 나라로 부풀려졌다.

푸른빛 문과 지중해의 빛으로 감도는 좁은 골목안의 집들

카사블랑카의 자홍색 황혼의 해변에서 아이들이 공놀이를 하고 있다.

카사블랑카
전세계의 모든 도시들 중 헐리우드는 바로 이곳을 택해 이국적 식민지땅으로서의 이미지를 만들어내었다. 만약 카사블랑카에서 험프리 보가트를 보기 기대했다면 실망할 것이다. 모로코 최대도시이자 산업의 중심지인 카사블랑카는 이미 거대도시이다. 말끔한 수트와 세련된 선글라스들 사이에서 모로코 전통의상인 뷔르누스(burnous)가 오히려 어울리지 않아 보인다. 이 항구도시는 프랑스가 재건하기 전까지 침체일로를 걷고 있었다. 프랑스는 큰 길을 닦고 시민공원을 만들고 모레스크(무어인)들에게 공공건물을 할당했다.카사블랑카의 성지인 유서지구도 한번 둘러볼 만 하다. 하산 2세 사원은 세계에서 가장 크다. 쁠라스 모하메드 5세(Place Mohammed V)광장에 가면 모로코에서 가장 인상깊은 모레스크 건축물을 볼 수 있다. 카사블랑카는 모하메드 5세 공항을 라바트와 공유하고 있으며 유럽과 중동으로 정기운행을 한다.

성채의 요새들_

식민지시대에 건설된 도시중 가장 오래된 곳으로 모로코의 상징적 주임이다. 복잡하게 얽혀있는 길과 이곳저곳에 흩어져 있는 웅장함이 이곳의 중요성을 말해준다. 성지인 엘 발리(el-Bali) -올드 페그라베스-는 현존하는 가장 큰 중세도시들 중 하나이다. 이 성지는 성벽과 큰 문으로 둘러싸여져 더욱 웅장해 보인다. 성벽으로 둘러싸인 여느 도시들과는 달리 엘 발리는 한번도 벽이 무너진 적이 없었다. 대신 거주민이 서남쪽으로 이동해서 구릉지대에 퍼져 새 페그라베스의 북남쪽으로 원호모양을 이루었다. 9400개의 거리와 골목들로 이루어진 옛도시에는 1350년대에 지어진 높은 메데르사 부 이나니아(Medersa Bou Inania) 신학대학이 있다.

이곳에서 그리 멀지 않은 곳에 위치한 헤너 수크(henna souq)는 머리 염색재료와 여성의 손발 문신재료로 가득하다. 바로 옆에 있는 페그라베스 엘 즈디드(Fès el-Jdid)는 유태인 사회의 중심으로 볼만한 건물들이 많이 있다. 두도시사이에 있는 다르바타(Dar Batha) 박물관이 있다. 라바트, 마라케쉬, 탄제르에서 열차를 타는 것이 이곳에 가장 빨리 도착하는 방법이다.

모로코에는 성채가 많다. 주정부궁으로 쓰는 성채이다.

다른 여러 북아프리카 국가와는 달리 모로코는 역사이래 한 종족에 의해서 지켜져왔다. 버버족(혹은 땅의 사람이란 뜻으로 이마지엔)은 수천년전에 이곳에 정착했고 한때는 모로코와 이집트 사이의 일대를 지배하기도 했다. 버버족은 여러 씨족, 부족으로 나뉘어져 항상 독립을 갈망했다. 아프리카 국가중 가장 매력적인 문화를 보존할 수 있었던 것도 이러한 독립심 덕분일 것이다. 페니키아인들도 버버족을 몰아내지 못했고 심지어 로마인들도 BC 146년 카르타고 함락후 조차도 버버족의 생활방식을 바꾸지 못했다.

관광객을 위한 코프라 쇼

마라케쉬
모로코의 가장 중요한 문화적 중심지로서 시장과 축제로 유명한 전 수도로서, 마라케쉬는 더할 나위없이 생기발랄한 도시이다. 가장 번화한 중시지는 쁠라스 드제마 엘 프나(Place Djemaa el-Fna)라는 큰 광장이다. 야외음식점이 줄지어 있고 군침을 돌게하는 향기가 공기를 가득 채우고 있다. 저글러, 이야기꾼, 뱀장수, 마술사, 서커스, 광인들이 나머지 자리를 차지하고 있다. 이곳 수크스(시장)은 모로코에서 최고이며 가격이 저렴한 호텔들도 아주 많다. 유서지구의 볼거리는 알모라비드 스타일의 쿱바 바아딘(Koubba Ba'adiyn) 서원 별채, 웅장한 쿠투비아(Koutoubia)서원, 그리고 모로코 예술박물관인 빨레 다르 시 사이드(Palais Dar Si Said) 등이다. 내륙도시인 이곳으로 카사블랑카와 라바트에서 기차와 버스가 정기운행한다.

거친 밀가루의 거친 세모닐라 파스타의 이 음식은_ 북아프리카의 대표적인 다이어트 음식이다.

모로코의 음식은 특이하지는 않지만 맛이 좋고 든든한 편이다. 주식은 쿠스쿠스(couscous)라는 것인데 세모리나(semolina)를 곱게 갈은 것으로 보통 야채와 양 캐서롤과 함께 나온다. 스위트 민트차를 즐겨마시지만 그렇다고 술을 못 먹는 것은 아니다. 모로코엔 금주령이 없다.

귀가 찢어지는 사원의 예배소리를 알리는 스피커와 위성 안테나 접시_
아주 오래된 것과 현대적인 것이 박힌 페스 골목길.

영국의 권위있는 BBC TV에서는 페스(Fes)의 골목에 대해서 특집방송을 내보낸 일이 있었다. 골목이 형성되기 시작한 이야기부터 진행과정과 지상 최대의 미로골목이 완성되기까지. 그 내용은 이렇다. 아주 오래 전에는 아무런 이유 없이 자연 발생적으로 크고 작은 건축물들이 들어섰고, 세월이 흐르면서 험준한 미들 아트라스 산맥을 동서로 연결하는 중간 위치에 자리잡은 지정학적인 요인으로 인하여 여러 민족으로부터 침략을 받게 되었다. 빈번한 전쟁으로부터 목숨과 재산을 보존할 목적으로 주민들은 자신들만이 알 수 있는 길을 만들기 시작하면서 오늘날과 같은 미로를 형성하게 되었다는 내용이었다.

Essaouira
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Essaouira's old waterfront city nestled in behind ramparts
에사우이라의 바닷가 성채

Docked fishing boat awaiting repairs
항구의 조선소에 정박중인 배를 수리하고있다.

Smiling musicians in the streets of Essaouira
에사우이라에 전통음악을 연주하는 길거리 음악사

에사우이라(Essaouria)
개별여행자에게 인기있는 해변마을이다. 팩키지 여행상품은 찾아보기 힘들지만 오래가지는 못할 것 같다. 이곳의 아름다운 해변이 남쪽으로 수킬로 미터나 뻗어있기 때문이다. 대도시 여행에 지친 사람들에게 이 마을은 단 한마디로 요약될 수 있을 것이다. : 휴식.이곳이 요새는 포르투갈, 프랑스, 그리고 버버의 군사건축의 혼합물이라고 할 수 있고 그 규모의 웅장함이 이 마을의 신비스러움을 더해준다. 이 마을이 면한 바다를 보호하기 위해 설계된 스칼라 뒤 뽀(Skala du Port)는 경치가아주 좋아 오손 웰스(Orson Welles)가 그의 영화 오델로를 찍은 곳이기도 하다.

Fez
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하산2세의 이슬람사원

모하메드 5세는 1957년 자신을 왕으로 격상시켰고 4년뒤 아들인 하산2세(Hassan II) 에게 왕위를 물려주었다. 하산 2세는 스페인 영역이던 서사하라까지 평화행진을 함으로서 모로코 국민의 가슴속에 깊은인상을 심어주었고 자신의 위치를 확고히 할 수 있었다. 무려 35만이 넘는 자원병력의 힘으로 하산의 추종자들은 풍부한 광산지대가 자신들의 것이라고 주장하는 토착 사라위스(Sahrawis)들을 정복했다. 그러나 1960년대에 들어서 십만여명이 넘는 거주자들이 독립을 원하고 있음이 분명히 드러났다. 사구이아 알 함라(Saguia al-Hamra) 와 리오 드 오로(Rio de Oro)가 이끄는 서 사하라 인민전선은 그 점령을 달가워하지 않았고 모로코를 상대로 길고 섬뜩한 독립전쟁을 시작했다.

페스의 아주 오래된 염색공장

미로를 연상시키는 골목길로 상징되는 페스의 자랑거리이자 주민들의 삶을 가장 잘 볼 수 있는 것이 있다면, 그것은 바로 가죽이다. 골목과 더불어 세계 최대 규모를 자랑하는 페스의 가죽산업을 주도하는 곳은 겉보기에도 매우 초라하고 허름해 보이는 골목길을 따라 터를 잡고 있는 가정집이다. 단순하고 평범해 보이는 가정집 문을 통과하여 집 안으로 들어서면 겉모습과는 전혀 다른 광경들이 탄성을 자아내게 만든다. 수백 년 동안 같은 방법으로 만들어지는 페스의 가죽들은 양과 소를 잡아 가죽을 벗긴 다음 원형으로 이루어진 커다란 탱크에 장시간 보관한다. 가죽의 종류에 따라 일정한 시간이 지나면 털을 제거하거나 가죽을 손질하여 저마다 독특한 색깔을 띠고 있는 염색용 탱크로 옮겨 염색을 실시하고 용도에 따라 그늘과 햇빛에서 건조한다.
페스의 가죽 제품이 밀라노와 파리의 유명 브랜드로부터 지속적인 사랑을 받는 까닭은 모든 공정과정이 전통적인 방법으로 이루어지고, 원료 또한 오직 자연에서 생산된 것만 사용하기 때문이다. 대충 추산해도 수십 곳에 이르는 공장들은 대부분 아버지와 아들이 함께 일을 하고 있으며, 간혹 기업형태를 띠고 있는 곳도 있으나 그 숫자는 극히 적다. 지상 최대의 가죽 생산지답게 많은 주민들은 가죽과 연관된 일에 종사하고 있다. 가죽 생산부터 각종 수공예품을 만들어 판매하는 업종에 종사하고 있는 주민의 숫자는 정확히 파악할 수 없지만 대략 전체 인구의 20％에 이른다.
가죽으로 대표되는 페스인 만큼 골목과 가정을 불문하고 어느 곳에서나 공예품을 비롯하여 다양한 제품을 만들어 판매하는 공방과 상점을 접할 수 있다. 특히 골목을 따라 조성된 공방에서 제작되는 공예품은 너무 앙증스럽고 아름다워 방문객으로 하여금 수시로 지갑을 열게 만든다. 페스의 공예품은 독특하고 섬세한 문양과 세련된 디자인을 갖추고 있음에도 불구하고 저렴하여 골목을 찾는 방문객은 물론이고 이곳에 터를 잡고 살고 있는 주민들도 너나없이 가죽제품을 구입하기에 여념이 없다.

Ornate crafts for sale at the Fès market

페스 시장에서 파는 장식수공예품들

페스

영국의 권위있는 BBC TV에서는 페스(Fes)의 골목에 대해서 특집방송을 내보낸 일이 있었다. 골목이 형성되기 시작한 이야기부터 진행과정과 지상 최대의 미로골목이 완성되기까지. 그 내용은 이렇다. 아주 오래 전에는 아무런 이유 없이 자연 발생적으로 크고 작은 건축물들이 들어섰고, 세월이 흐르면서 험준한 미들 아트라스 산맥을 동서로 연결하는 중간 위치에 자리잡은 지정학적인 요인으로 인하여 여러 민족으로부터 침략을 받게 되었다. 빈번한 전쟁으로부터 목숨과 재산을 보존할 목적으로 주민들은 자신들만이 알 수 있는 길을 만들기 시작하면서 오늘날과 같은 미로를 형성하게 되었다는 내용이었다.
서기 809년에는 이드리스 2세에 의해 세워진 이드리스 왕국의 수도이기도 한 페스는 아무리 살펴보아도 옛 수도보다는 달동네에 가깝다. 실망과 기대감을 동시에 경험할 수 있는 페스의 구도심은 생각했던 것보다 훨씬 복잡하고 컸다. 좁은 골목길이 끝났다는 생각을 갖게 되면 다시 새로운 골목이 시작되고 사방으로 연결된 작은 골목들은 발걸음을 옮길 때마다 그 숫자가 더 늘어나 골목길을 걸을수록 점점 더 깊은 미로 속으로 빠져드는 기분을 느끼게 해 준다.
골목이 얼마나 되기에 세계 최대의 골목길로 알려져 있을까. 궁금증이 발동하여 골동품 가게를 운영하는 주인에게 골목의 총 길이를 묻자, 그의 대답은 구 도시의 반경은 2킬로미터에 불과하지만 골목의 길이는 자그마치 70킬로미터나 된다는 설명이다. 반경의 35배에 가까운 골목길. 혹시 잘못 들은 것이 아닐까 의심스러운 표정으로 세 번이나 거듭 확인해 보았지만 돌아온 대답은 똑같았다.

미로를 연상시키는 골목길로 상징되는 페스의 자랑거리이자 주민들의 삶을 가장 잘 볼 수 있는 것이 있다면, 그것은 바로 가죽이다. 골목과 더불어 세계 최대 규모를 자랑하는 페스의 가죽산업을 주도하는 곳은 겉보기에도 매우 초라하고 허름해 보이는 골목길을 따라 터를 잡고 있는 가정집이다. 단순하고 평범해 보이는 가정집 문을 통과하여 집 안으로 들어서면 겉모습과는 전혀 다른 광경들이 탄성을 자아내게 만든다. 수백 년 동안 같은 방법으로 만들어지는 페스의 가죽들은 양과 소를 잡아 가죽을 벗긴 다음 원형으로 이루어진 커다란 탱크에 장시간 보관한다. 가죽의 종류에 따라 일정한 시간이 지나면 털을 제거하거나 가죽을 손질하여 저마다 독특한 색깔을 띠고 있는 염색용 탱크로 옮겨 염색을 실시하고 용도에 따라 그늘과 햇빛에서 건조한다.
페스의 가죽 제품이 밀라노와 파리의 유명 브랜드로부터 지속적인 사랑을 받는 까닭은 모든 공정과정이 전통적인 방법으로 이루어지고, 원료 또한 오직 자연에서 생산된 것만 사용하기 때문이다. 대충 추산해도 수십 곳에 이르는 공장들은 대부분 아버지와 아들이 함께 일을 하고 있으며, 간혹 기업형태를 띠고 있는 곳도 있으나 그 숫자는 극히 적다. 지상 최대의 가죽 생산지답게 많은 주민들은 가죽과 연관된 일에 종사하고 있다. 가죽 생산부터 각종 수공예품을 만들어 판매하는 업종에 종사하고 있는 주민의 숫자는 정확히 파악할 수 없지만 대략 전체 인구의 20％에 이른다.
가죽으로 대표되는 페스인 만큼 골목과 가정을 불문하고 어느 곳에서나 공예품을 비롯하여 다양한 제품을 만들어 판매하는 공방과 상점을 접할 수 있다. 특히 골목을 따라 조성된 공방에서 제작되는 공예품은 너무 앙증스럽고 아름다워 방문객으로 하여금 수시로 지갑을 열게 만든다. 페스의 공예품은 독특하고 섬세한 문양과 세련된 디자인을 갖추고 있음에도 불구하고 저렴하여 골목을 찾는 방문객은 물론이고 이곳에 터를 잡고 살고 있는 주민들도 너나없이 가죽제품을 구입하기에 여념이 없다.
페스를 여러 차례 방문한 경험으로 몇 가지 잊지 못할 에피소드를 간직하고 있는데, 그 중 하나가 골목길을 전문으로 안내해주는 소년과의 만남이었다. 지금이라면 어렵지 않게 공장의 입구를 찾을 수 있지만 처음 페스를 찾았을 때는 말처럼 쉽지 않았다. 꽤 오랜 시간 동안 입구를 못 찾고 있던 내 앞에 나타난 구세주는 모로코의 전통복장에 모자까지 착용한 소년이었다.
이 소년은 내가 필요한 것이 무엇인지 한순간에 알아보고서 가죽공장으로 안내를 해 주겠다는 것이다. 몇 시간 후 알게 된 것이지만 페스에는 사진기를 둘러맨 외국인들이 많이 찾아오는데 하나같이 길을 헤매기 때문에 길 안내를 하는 직업이나 부업으로 실시하는 소년과 청년들이 많다고 한다. 소년의 표정이 너무 맑고 순수해 보여 그의 말을 믿고 따라나서던 나는 불과 5분도 지나기 전에 그의 손에 거금을 쥐어주었다. 그가 요구한 금액은 자그마치 30불. 3불도 아닌 30불이란 소리에 그 이유를 묻자 길을 안내해주는 정당한 수고료란다. 얼마 동안 말문을 열지 못했던 나는 조금이라도 빨리 사진을 촬영할 심정으로 그에게 길 안내비용으로 10불을 지불하는 선에서 타협을 끝내고 염색공장으로 이동했다.
미로 같은 골목과 가죽으로 유명한 페스는 참으로 볼거리가 많다. 성곽 안으로 들어서는 여러 개의 게이트마다 형성된 시장을 비롯하여 크고 작은 광장에 자리한 앙증스러운 공방과 상점에 이르기까지. 이런 흥미로운 삶의 공간들이 즐비한 페스지만 한 가지 여타지역하고 분명하게 구분되는 점이 있다. 그것은 바로 물건을 만드는 사람 중에는 여성도 간혹 보이지만 물건을 거래하는 주체가 모두 남자라는 사실. 회교를 신봉하는 아랍국의 특징이라 할 수 있는 이런 현상은 가정집이나 작은 골목보다는 사람들이 많이 왕래하거나 모이는 곳에서 쉽게 확인할 수 있다. 나이를 떠나 많은 아낙네들은 시장에 와서 물건을 구입하거나 물건을 고르지 않고 길가에 앉아서 지나가는 사람들을 보거나 잡담을 하면서 시간을 보내고, 필요한 물건은 남자들이 직접 구입해 온다. 남성들이 시장에서 물품을 구입한다는 사실이 너무 신기하여 시간이 허락될 때마다 수시로 관찰해 본 결과 대부분의 물건은 남자들이 구입하고 여자들은 휴식을 즐기다 남편이 물건을 구입해 오면 함께 집으로 향한다.
물건을 구입하는 흥미로운 방법과 더불어, 미로와 같은 길과 가죽 공방 등 다양한 문화가 공존하는 페스에서 빼놓을 수 없는 하나의 볼거리는 주민들이 이용하는 교통수단이다. 마을 외곽에는 포장된 신작로도 있지만 대다수의 주민들이 살고 있는 옛 도시지역에서 자동차는 물론이고 자전거를 타고 다니는 사람조차도 찾아볼 수 없다. 누구나 목적지에 가려면 직접 걷거나 당나귀를 이용해야 한다. 페스의 주민들이 교통수단으로 걷거나 당나귀를 사용할 수밖에 없는 이유는 골목이 너무 좁고 가파르기 때문이다. 더욱이 골목과 골목이 만나는 지점은 모두 가파른 계단으로 이어져 있어 페스의 구 시가지는 오직 사람과 당나귀만 통행이 가능하다.
인간이 살 수 없을 곳이라고 생각하는 고원과 사막에 마을이 있고, 한번 들어온 길을 다시 찾아 나갈 수 없을 정도로 복잡한 도시 페스. 어쩌면 똑같아 보이는 골목과 주변 풍경을 조금 따분하게 느낄 수도 있지만, 여느 곳에서 볼 수도 없는 이런 골목과 그 속에서 살고 있는 주민들의 삶이야말로 사람들의 마음을 페스로 향하여 움직이게 만드는지도 모른다.

Marrakesh
Photo Gallery

Man with trained falcon, traditionally used to hunt Houbara Bustard birds
한남자가 훈련된 송골매와 함께 있다_ 전통적으로 전쟁의 메신저로 매를 사용했다.

자크 마졸레르 화가의 집_ 지금은 이슬람 현대 미술관으로 바뀌었다_ Majorelle House: once home of painter Jacques Majorelle, now an Islamic art museum

모로코는 모둔 종류의 예술가들에게 영감을 불어넣는 것 같다. 프랑스의 네오바로크 화가인 유진 드라크로아(Eugene Delacroix)는 1830년대 모로코를 방문한뒤 모로코를 그리기 위해 몇통의 물감을 쏟아부었는지 모른다. 시장풍경, 하렘생활, 사자 사냥등이 그의 캔버스를 장식했다.

몇대의 초록마차가 서있다_ 모로코의 말들은 아주 고분고분하다_ Several green carriages, and some very obedient horses

마라케쉬의 식당가

젬마 궁에 엄청나게 큰 모자를 눌러쓴_ 물장사들_ 더운 나라여서 관광객에게 물장사 사업이 괜찮다_ Water sellers, wearing enormous hats, in Place Jemaa El Fna

달팽이가 주식인 나라_ Boiled land snails, usually served with hot sauce, at Djemaa el-Fna market

다양한 뜨개질로 만든 모로코 특유 디자인의 크로셔_ 뜨개질 수공예품 모자들이 진열 되어 있다.Various crocheted hats for sale in Souk on Rue du Souk el-Kebir

의회궁_ Lolly-like trees outside Palais des Congres convention centre

마라케쉬
모로코의 가장 중요한 문화적 중심지로서 시장과 축제로 유명한 전 수도로서, 마라케쉬는 더할 나위없이 생기발랄한 도시이다. 가장 번화한 중시지는 쁠라스 드제마 엘 프나(Place Djemaa el-Fna)라는 큰 광장이다. 야외음식점이 줄지어 있고 군침을 돌게하는 향기가 공기를 가득 채우고 있다. 저글러, 이야기꾼, 뱀장수, 마술사, 서커스, 광인들이 나머지 자리를 차지하고 있다. 이곳 수크스(시장)은 모로코에서 최고이며 가격이 저렴한 호텔들도 아주 많다. 유서지구의 볼거리는 알모라비드 스타일의 쿱바 바아딘(Koubba Ba'adiyn) 서원 별채, 웅장한 쿠투비아(Koutoubia)서원, 그리고 모로코 예술박물관인 빨레 다르 시 사이드(Palais Dar Si Said) 등이다. 내륙도시인 이곳으로 카사블랑카와 라바트에서 기차와 버스가 정기운행한다.

사진_ 론리 프래닛
글_ justinKIM
출처 : Tong - justinKIM님의 지중해inBLUE ˚통

모로코 신비로운 아름다움

http://joiedevivre.tistory.com/1249

모로코 ① 지중해의 빛과 혼

http://tong.nate.com/justinkim/44292711

모로코 ② 천년고도_ 페스

http://tong.nate.com/justinkim/44293237

모로코 ③ 사진여행_ 론리 프래닛

http://tong.nate.com/justinkim/44296739

Models Talk Fall Winter 2008/2009:Hye Park

2009-06-09T18:07:00.000-07:00

외교관과의 대화_클리미쉬 서기관 인터뷰

2009-06-09T10:04:00.001-07:00

원문 & 사진 : http://blog.naver.com/ilovemofat/140069489056

구텐 탁(Guten Tag-독일어로 ‘안녕하세요’)? 갑자기 웬 독일어냐고요? 오늘 소개할 나라가 바로 ‘독일’이거든요. 독일은 유럽 중부에 있는 나라로, 여러 개의 독립국이 1871년 프로이센-프랑스전쟁을 거쳐 독일제국으로 통합되었답니다. 제2차 세계대전 후인 1949년 독일연방공화국(서독)과 독일민주공화국(동독)으로 나뉘었다가 1990년 통일되었고요. 동독과 서독으로 분단되었다가 통일이 되었다는 점에서 현재 남북으로 분단된 우리나라가 배울 점이 많은 나라이기도 하죠.

특히 2009년 4월은 독일과 한국에 있어 특별한 해이기도 합니다. 바로 독일 하노버 산업박람회가 한국을 파트너 국가로 해서 열렸기 때문입니다. 하노버 산업박람회는 1947년 처음 열린 이후 올해로 62회째를 맞는 세계적인 전시회인데, 올해는 4월 20일부터 24일 까지 에너지, 일반기계류, 엔지니어링 및 자동화 등 11개 분야 전시품이 소개되었습니다. 그리고 이번 행사는 우리나라가 ‘행사 동반국가’로 지정돼 우리나라의 산업과 문화가 집중적으로 조명되기 때문에 독일뿐만 아니라 EU국가에 한국의 산업과 문화를 알릴 수 있는 좋은 기회가 되었습니다. 한승수 총리도 이 자리에 직접 참석해, 독일 앙겔라 메르켈 총리, 네덜란드 얀 페터 발케넨데 총리 등 유럽 정상급 인사들과 함께 녹색성장 전략에 대해 논하였답니다.

독일과 한국은 현재 한국과의 외교에 힘쓰고 있어요. 최근 독일정부는 한국 젊은이들을 타깃으로 홈페이지를 열어 적극적으로 자국의 문화와 정보를 홍보하고 있답니다. 단순히 우리가 유럽의 국가로 인식했던 ‘독일’에 대해 좀 더 깊숙히 알아보는 시간을 가져봅시다. 그래서 오늘 특별한 게스트를 모셔볼까 합니다.
주한독일대사관의 Dr. 클리미쉬 1등 서기관입니다.

주한독일대사관 Dr. 클리미쉬 1등 서기관 인터뷰

안녕하세요? 클리미쉬 서기관님. 반갑습니다. 한국어가 유창하시네요. 한국에 오신지는 얼마나?

A: 안녕하세요? 저는 독일 본부에서 2년 정도 있다가 첫 외국 발령으로 한국에 오게 되었어요. 그 이전에는 부모님을 따라 방학동안 한국에 올 때도 있었고 대학생일 당시에는 1년간 서울대 교환학생으로 한국에 있었어요.

그렇군요. 외교관의 길을 선택한 동기가 무엇인가요?

A: 처음에 제 꿈은 외교관이 아니었어요. 대학교 다닐 때 전공이 경영이었어요. 그 중에도 재무관리가 세부전공이었지요. 저는 사람을 만나고 공부하는 것이 좋아서 학생도 가르치고 제 자신이 좋아하는 공부도 할 수 있는 대학 교수가 되고 싶었어요. 그런데 박사과정으로 재무관리를 공부하면서 교수라는 직업에 대해 고민을 하게 되었어요. 그러던 중 우연히 제 고등학교 친구가 외무부(舊 외교통상부)에 이력서를 냈다는 이야기를 들었어요. 그 친구는 외교관이 되고 싶었지만 1차 서류전형에서 탈락하고 말았어요. 그 친구의 이야기를 들어보니 외교관의 일이 제가 소망하던 사람도 만나고 제가 원하는 공부도 할 수 있는 일이라는 것을 알았어요. 그래서 지원하게 되었습니다.

독일에서 외교관이 되려면 어떤 특별한 시험이 있나요? 한국처럼 고시가 존재 하나요?

A: 고시라고 할 것까지는 아니지만 한국하고는 조금 달라요. 한국과 달리 특이한 점은 먼저 이력서를 외무부에 제출 하지요. 외무부는 지원자의 지원서를 보고 1차 서류전형에서 시험을 볼 수 있는 사람을 추려냅니다. 아무나 시험을 볼 수 없어요. 저 같은 경우는 어머니가 한국 분이셔서 한국어를 자연스럽게 접할 수 있었고, 제 3외국어로 일본어를 배웠기 때문에 외국어 점수에서 다른 지원자들보다 차별점이 있었어요. 독일에서 외교관이 되려면 특이한 외국어를 할 수 있으면 매우 유리하거든요. 일본어나 한국어 모두 독일 사람들에게는 생소한 언어였기 때문에 저는 1차 서류에서 합격할 수 있었어요. 시험은 한국처럼 어렵지 않아요. 경쟁률은 약 40대 1 정도랍니다.

지금 현재 어떤 일을 하고 계시며 한국에서 일하면서 어려움점이 있나요? 예를 들면 타국에서 여성 외교관의 신분이 주는 부담감 같은 것이라든지?

A: 저는 국내(한국) 정치 담당이에요. 한국 정치 상황을 보고서로 만들어 본부에 보고하는 일이죠. 그리고 공고부라고 해서 대사관이 인터뷰할 때 인터뷰에 관련된 도움을 주는 일도 하고요. 현재는 한국에 독일을 홍보하는데 주력하고 있어요.

여성외교관으로서의 어려운점이라……. 여성으로 일하는데 있어 어려운 점은 없어요. 단지 여자 선배가 거의 없고 거의 남자분이세요. 제가 외무부 시험을 봐서 합격했을 당시 역사상 처음으로 여성의 비율이 50%가 넘었다고 해요. 지금은 계속 여성의 비율이 50%이상이만, 그 당시만 해도 엄청난 일이었죠. 그래서 제 위의 선배들은 거의 남자에요. 남자 외교관은 결혼해서 자녀가 참 많아요. 5명 이상인 분들도 계세요. 그런데 여자 외교관들은 모두 미혼이에요. 자신의 직장으로 포기하고 해외로 따라오는 남편은 없죠. 그래서 그런지 제게 헌신할 수 있는 그런 사람 만나고 싶네요.

외교관이 되지 않았다면 지금은 어느 분야에서 일하고 계셨을지?

A: (웃으며) 아마 실업자가 되어있을지도……. 재무관리를 전공했으니 투자은행에 취업했을 것 같아요. 그러나 현재 미국발 금융위기로 독일 투자회사들도 많이 어려워서 현재 독일에서도 젊은 사람들의 구직난이 엄청난 사회문제에요.

이제 한국 문화 관련해서 질문 드릴게요. 한국 전통과 관련된 서기관님의 남다른 특기(재주)가 있다고 들었어요.

A: (웃으며) 특기까지는 아니고, 옛날부터 한국 전통 악기를 배우고 싶었어요. 지금 '가야금'을 배우고 있어요. 처음에는 (가야금이) 어떻게 생겼는지도 몰랐어요. 막연히 배우고 싶다고만 생각했어요.

얼마나 배웠어요? 실력은 어느 정도인지 물어봐도 될까요?

A: 2007년부터 배웠는데 잘 하는 편 아니에요. 지금 '도라지'나 '아리랑' 정도 연주할 수 있어요. 독일에 있을 때 바이올린을 10년 배웠어요. 서양은 악보가 멜로디도 보이고 음악 해석이 쉬운데, 국악은 악보를 봐도 음악을 어떻게 해석해야하는지 난감해요. 가야금을 칠 때 어디에 강하게 해야 하고 느리게 해야 하는지 해석이 불가능해요. 어렸을 때 어머니를 따라 한국에 와서 국악을 들었는데 듣기만 했지 이해하지는 못했어요. 그래서 악기를 배우면 한국 음악을 이해할 수 있을 것 같아서 배우게 되었지요. 독일로 돌아갈 때까지 잘 배우려고요.

참 이번에 독일정부에서 한국국민을 대상으로 독일의 문화를 소개하는 홈페이지를 개설했다고 들었어요.

A: 네. 이번에 새롭게 만들었어요. 물론 독일 대사관 홈페이지가 있어요. 그런데 들어가 보셨다면 아시겠지만 서버가 독일에 있어서 느리고 내용도 재미있지 않고 콘텐츠도 다양하지 않잖아요. 이 홈페이지만으로는 독일에 대해 알리는데 한계가 있다고 판단했어요. 2007년 1월에서 2월까지 한국사람 1000여 명을 대상으로 설문 조사를 했는데 독일에 대한 이미지는 전반적으로 좋지만 독일이 정확히 어떤 나라인지 잘 모르는 사람들이 많았어요. 지루하고 보수적인 나라라는 이미지가 강했지요. 이미지를 바꿔야겠다는 생각에 인터넷으로 자유롭고 재미있게 독일에 대해 알려야 겠다고 생각하게 되었어요.

홈페이지에는 정확히 어떤 내용이 들어가 있나요?

A: 홈페이지(www.germany-in-korea.or.kr)에 들어와 보세요. 독일의 역사 문화 등 다양한 분야에 대한 소개와 한국 젊은이들을 타깃으로 독일 대학교나 유학정보 등이 있어요. 재미있는 것도 많이 있어요. 움직이는 홈페이지랄까요? 특히 독일의 모습을 360도로 볼 수 있는 페이지가 있는데, 진짜 재미있어요. 앞으로 더욱 꾸며나갈 거예요. contact us를 누르면 우리에게 메일을 보낼 수 있어요. 홈페이지를 방문하시고 좋은 점이나 나쁜 점에 대해 평가해 주시면 더욱 좋은 홈페이지를 만들어나가도록 노력하겠습니다.

독일인이 느끼는 한국의 이미지는 어떤가요?

A: 제가 어렸을 때만 해도 독일인들은 한국에 대해 전혀 몰랐어요. 88 올림픽 이후에야 조금씩 한국에 대해 알게 되었지요. 기업은 잘 알아요. 예전은 삼성이 일본기업으로 알고 있던 독일 사람들도 이제는 현대나 삼성이 한국기업이라는 것을 확실히 알고 있어요. 그래도 앞으로 한국을 홍보해 나가야한다고 생각해요. 아직까지도 한국의 정치나 문화에 대해 잘 몰라요.

마지막으로 독일에 오면 꼭 가봐야 할 곳이나 추천하고 싶은 명소가 있나요?

A: 유럽은 꼭 여름에 와야해요. 습도도 낮고 해도 길어서 진짜 좋거든요. 저는 독일 베를린을 추천해요. 통일 이후 많이 발전했어요. 디자이너도 많이 거주하고 있고 오케스트라나 뮤지엄 등 고급문화도 발전한 곳이 바로 베를린입니다. 물가도 높지 않고요. 젊은 아티스트들이 베를린에 많이 모여들어서 문화가 다양해요. 여유가 있으시다면 도시 외에도 독일의 전원을 둘러보는 것도 좋을 듯해요. 진짜 자연이 아름답거든요. 독일 많이 관심 가져주세요. 새로 열은 홈페이지에도 많은 관심 가져주세요.

APEC, ASEAN은 나도 아는데,

2009-06-09T10:02:00.001-07:00

원문 & 사진 : http://blog.naver.com/ilovemofat/140069542269

APEC, ASEAN은 나도 아는데,
ACD, FEALAC, ASEM은 또 뭐지??

5월 25일부터 26일까지 베트남 하노이에서는 ASEM 외교 장관회의가 열렸습니다. APEC과 ASEAN에 대해서는 워낙 유명해서 대부분의 사람들은 다 알고 있습니다. 최근에는 G20 정상회의도 유명해졌습니다. 그런데 ASEM 정상회의? 한 번 쯤은 들어본 것 같은데...사람들은 고개를 갸우뚱 합니다. 들어본 적은 있지만 정확하게 어떤 나라들이 중심이 되어, 무슨 목적으로 만들어졌는지는 잘 모르기 때문입니다. 세계화가 진행되고, 각국 협력의 필요성이 강화되면서 국제협력체제는 더욱 더 중요해지고 있습니다. 그러나 우리에게 친숙한 ASEAN+3, APEC 이외에도 ASEM, ACD, FEALAC 등 우리가 가입하여 열심히 활동 중인 다른 국제협력체제가 있습니다.

ACD회원국 분포도 ACD 7차 회의 카자흐스탄에서

아시아 협력대화(ACD : Asia Cooperation Dialogue)

지난 2000년 9월 태국의 탁신 총리는 ASEAN+3 체제를 넘어 아시아 전체를 포괄하는 협의체가 필요하다고 주창했습니다. 이에 따라 만들어진 것이 ACD(아시아 협력대화)입니다. 2002년 태국 차암에서 처음 출범한 ACD 외교장관회의는 정책대화와 협력사업으로 구분되어 운영됩니다. ACD는 지역 및 국제정세 등에 관해 회원국 외교장관 간 의견교환을 함과 동시에 역내 협력 강화를 위해 현재 20개 협력 분야별로 선도국가(Prime Mover)를 지정하여 협력을 추진하고 있습니다. 우리의 경우 IT 협력 분야의 선도국가로서 활동 중에 있습니다.

동북아 4개국, 동남아 10개국, 서남아 5개국, 중앙아 5개국, 중동 7개국 등 총 31개의 회원국으로 구성되어 있습니다. 주요 아시아 국가의 대부분이 참여하고 있다고 볼 수 있죠. 특히 러시아는 실질적으로 아시아에 완전히 해당된다고는 볼 수 없지만 ACD에서는 중앙아시아의 일원으로 참여하고 있습니다. 가장 최근 열린 제7차 회의는 2008년 10월 카자흐스탄에서 개최되었으며 문화 분야 협력이 새로운 협력사업으로 채택되었습니다. 한국의 경우 2007년 6월, 7차 회의를 개최하여 ‘서울 IT선언’을 채택한바 있습니다. 올해 8차 회의의 의장국은 스리랑카이며 9~10월 중 개최될 예정입니다.

FEALAC 회원국

동아시아-라틴아메리카 협력포럼
(FEALAC : Forum for East Asia-Latin America Cooperation)

동아시아-라틴아메리카 협력포럼(이하 FEALAC)은 21세기 동아시아와 중남미간 대화와 협력제고를 위한 포괄적 다자 포럼의 필요성에 의해 만들어졌습니다. 싱가포르의 고촉통 총리가 98년 칠레를 방문하여 Eduardo Frei 대통령에게 FEALAC창설을 제안하였으며, 99년 9월 싱가포르에서 제1차 고위관리회의를 시작으로 공식출범하였습니다. 지금까지 우리를 포함한 아시아 여러 국가들은 아시아 내 지역 협력이나, APEC이나 ASEM과 같이 아시아-유럽 혹은 아시아-태평양 협력체제를 중심으로 국제 협력활동을 펼쳐왔습니다. FEALAC는 아시아가 다른 지역에 비해 교류가 많지 않았던 라틴아메리카의 여러 국가들과 맺은 협력포럼이라는 점에서 큰 의미가 있습니다.

FEALAC는 크게 외무장관회의와 고위관리회의, Working group회의로 나눌 수 있습니다.외무장관회의는 2년에 1번 개최하고 있으며, 고위관리회의와 Working group회의는 1년에 한 번 이상 개최하는 것을 원칙으로 합니다. 현재 FEALAC는 동아시아에서 일본이, 중남미에서 아르헨티나가 공동의장국으로서 현재 지역 조정국의 역할을 담당하고 있습니다. 한국은 2004년에서 2007년까지 동아시아 지역조정국으로서 주도적 역할을 담당했으며 지금은에콰도르와 함께 Working group회의 공동 의장국을 맡아 양 지역간 무역・투자증진 및 중소기업 협력강화를 위해 노력하고 있습니다.

FEALAC 창설 이래, 중남미지역은 한국의 주요 경제협력 파트너로 부상하고 있습니다. 한국과 중남이국가간 교역량은 1999년 115억 달러에서 2007년 371억 달러로 3배 이상 증가하였습니다. 또한 한국의 대 중남미 투자금액은 같은 기간 2.2억불에서 12억불로 5배 이상 증가했다고 하는데요, 이처럼 우리는 무역의 다변화를 꾀하고 있다는 점에서 FEALAC 활동이 우리에게 굉장히 긍정적인 요소로 작용하고 있습니다. 우리와 완전 지구 반대편에 있는, 아직까지 우리에게 다소 멀게 느껴지는 대륙 라틴아메리카도 FEALAC와 함께라면 좀 더 가까워질 수 있는 듯 한 느낌입니다.

아시아유럽정상회의(ASEM : Asia Europe Meeting)

ASEM 로고

아시아유럽정상회의(이하 ASEM)를 살펴보는데 있어 가장 눈에 띄는 것 중의 하나는 바로 로고인데요. ASEM로고는 2003년 7월 제5차 발리 외무장관회의에서 채택되었습니다. 아시아의 두문자인 “A"를 서예체로 표현하고 유럽의 두문자인 ”E"를 로마체로 표현하여 이들을 조합함으로써 아시아와 유럽의 상호협력을 형상화 한 것입니다. 로고에서 빨간색은 아시아를, 파란색은 유럽을 상징하는데, 이는 서로 다른 동서 문화의 화합과 공존공영의 염원을 의미합니다. ASEM의 로고를 통해 우리는 ASEM의 정신이나 탄생 목적 등을 충분히 짐작할 수 있습니다.

ASEM은 아시아 16개국 및 유럽연합 27개국 정상들, 그리고 EU 집행위원장과 ASEAN 사무총장이 만나 2년에 한번씩 개최하는 아시아-유럽 정상회의를 의미합니다. 현재 ASEM은 전 세계 인구의 59%, 총생산의 51%, 무역의 64%를 차지하고 있을 만큼 세계에서 비중 있는 협력체제로서 아시아-유럽간 긴밀한 협력의 채널을 제공하고 있습니다. ASEM내에는 정상회의를 정점으로 외무장관회의, 경제장관회의, 재무장관회의를 비롯한 각종 장관회의와 고위관료회의가 단계별로 정례화 되어 있습니다.

ASEM 회원국

ASEM은 정치, 경제, 사회/문화 등 세 개의 협력 분야를 중심으로 다양한 협력사업이 추진되고 있습니다. 정치 분야에서는 한반도 문제 등 주요 지역 사안과 국제테러 등 범세계적 문제가 논의됩니다. 경제 분야는 상호 무역 및 투자 확대와 관련한 협력사업에 대한 얘기가 오고가며, 사회/문화 분야에서는 양 지역의 새로운 문화적 유대관계 구축을 위해 인적 교류확대를 목적으로 하는 여러 활동이 이루어지고 있습니다.

ASEM 회의 서울개최를 축하하며 아이들이 국기로 만든 한반도 ASEM 3차 서울회의

1990년대 이후 냉전의 질서가 무너지고 세계는 북미와 유럽, 아시아 등 3개 지역을 중심으로 급속히 재편되어 왔습니다. 그러나 아시아와 유럽의 관계는 전통적으로 밀접한 북미와 유럽, APEC을 통해 관계를 발전시키고 있는 북미와 아시아에 비해 소원한 것이 사실이었습니다. 이후 아시아는 일본, 한국과 같은 신흥경제대국이 등장하고 유럽은 EU를 중심으로 통합이 진행되면서, 두 지역 간 관계를 강화할 필요성이 대두되었습니다. 이에 94년 싱가포르는 처음으로 ASEM창설을 제의하고, 동북아 3국과 ASEAN, EU가 동의함으로서 96년 태국에서 처음으로 ASEM 정상회의가 개최되었습니다. 특히 2000년 10월, 서울에서 개최된 제3차 ASEM 정상회의는 우리나라 정부수립 이후 가장 많은 각국 정상(22개국)이 참여한 외교행사로 기록되고 있으며, 우리나라 외교사에 길이 남는 업적 중의 하나라고 볼 수 있습니다.

세계는 지금 이 순간도 급격히 변화하고 있습니다. 변화하는 세계 속에서 자국의 힘만으로 해결할 수 있는 것은 아무것도 없습니다. 현재 진행되고 있는 글로벌 경제위기만 보더라도 각국은 자국의 힘만으로 해결할 수 없다는 인식하에 G20과 같은 글로벌 협력 체제를 통해 세계 공조를 강화하고 있습니다. 이런 상황에서 우리는 앞서 얘기했던 국제협력 체제 속에서 우리의 역할을 강화하고 있습니다. 세계화가 진행되고 있는 가운데, 꾸준한 활동을 통해 차츰 위상을 높이고 있는 우리의 모습을 발견하는 것도 우리나라 외교를 바라보는 또 하나의 재미가 아닐까 생각합니다.

- 참고자료 : 외교통상부 ASEM 길라잡이 참고 자료집
외교통상부 홈페이지 http://www.mofat.go.kr/state/internationalcooperation/acd/index.jsp
http://fealac.mofat.go.kr/

< 외교통상부 블로그 1기 대학생 기자 강승태 >

직접 다녀온 제2회 아랍축전 사진

2009-06-07T05:50:00.000-07:00

Digital story telling Video script

2009-05-26T02:50:00.001-07:00

Hi, It is honorable and pleasure to meet you, all. My name is Suhyon Cho. I'd like to tell you story about my life.
▶ Childhood
This little child who looks like a rompy boy is me. I didn't have a pretty face or lovely behavior but I was a strong and independent girl. Whether my older sister fell in love with reading books, I fell in love with playing outside. and I was a very very mean girl who always bother my sister reading books.
▶ Family
This is my lovely family, with my father, mother, older sister, younger sister and I. Both of my parents are educator at university and middle school, and my older sister will be a doctor, and my younger sister, well she wants to be the first female president of Korea.
▶ Dreams
When I was an elementry girl, I wanted to become an announcer. Because it look fascinated to announce people news.
When I became a middle school girl, my dream changed to archeologist. I just loved all the traditional treasure. I wanted to learn more about archeology.
In high school, I wanted to become a competent diplomat. I liked to meet people around the world and wanted to work for korea abroad.
But Things changed a lot. My future goal is to become an independent and unbiased international civil servant.
▶ My plans
Here is my plan to become a one.
In 2011, when I become 21, I want to go to one of the country in europe to experience lots of NGO or UN organizations as exchange students.
In 2012, when I become 22, I want to go to England to study and learn English more deeply and experience England English.
In 2013, when I become 23, the last year of my university life, I want to work as internship at UNESCO or UNICEF or other NGOs in Korea.
In 2014, when I become 24, after I graduate university, I want to enter the international graduate school in Korea or in abroad if the financial situation allow.
In 2019, when I become 29 or before 29, I want to get married. I don't care about my husband's nationality, race or age but he should be like real grown-up.
In 2020, when I become 30, I want to get job at UNESCO. And I want to work for people who need me.
When I become 45, I want to work for Korean Government as competent diplomat.
And when I become 65, I want to retire and found a school that teaches Korean Tradition to foreigners and young students.

And this is the end of my story. Thanks for listening.

Digital telling Video

2009-05-26T02:33:00.001-07:00

※ The last part of this movie was deleted about 3 second for some reason.

Digital story telling script

2009-05-26T02:30:00.000-07:00

1. Good morning, everyone! How are you today?
My name is Suhyon Cho. From now on, I'd like to tell you story about myself.

2. First thing I want to show you is my Family./My father and my older sister ,here, don't like to be taken pictures and always distort their face when they are faced with the camera./But as you can see, they are smiling./ That's why this kind of pictures are very rare./ The rest of my family, my mother, younger sister and I love to be taken pictures./ This is a picture of my lovely sisters and me.
3. Next is pictures of my childhood./This little child who looks like a rompy boy is me./ I didn't have a pretty face or lovely behavior but I was a strong and independent girl.
4. Next is my personality. The result of the Jung's test is ENFJ. Based on this test, I am sociable, sympathetic, and responsive to praise and criticism. And if you here, you can see that Feeling takes almost 63% of my personality, which is very high measurement.
5. I think it is very correct result, and my favorite things will prove it. My favorite things are so-called 3Ms. The first M is Movies. The reason I like movies is that it gives me the pleasure of watching the life that I have never experienced.

6. The second M is Models. Also, the reason I admire them is that they have their own strong characteristics. That's why they look attractive even they do not have pretty face.

7. The last M is Music. I like various kinds of music. And if you ask me the reason I like music, my answer should be I love the music the way it is!

8. It is the end of my story. Thank You!

KOICA가 만난 사람-조민영 몽골 해외봉사단원

2009-05-16T05:46:00.000-07:00

원문 & 사진 : http://blog.naver.com/ilovemofat/140062963067

평소 다른 사람에게 도움을 주는 사람이 되고 싶었고, 간호학을 공부하면서 의료진의 손길이 뜸한 시골 보건진료소에서 근무하기를 꿈꿨습니다. 그러던 중 좀 더 넓은 세상으로 나아가 많은 사람에게 도움을 주고자 해외봉사를 생각했고, KOICA 해외봉사단에 지원하게 되었습니다.”

조민영 단원과 KOICA의 인연은 타인을 위한 삶이라는 작은 소망에서 시작해 몽골로 향하게 했다.
몽골의 수도 울란바토르에서 차로 3시간을 가야 만날 수 있는 시골 마을 바양골. 이곳에 바트숨베르 국립요양원(The National Care Center of Batcumber)이 위치해 있다. 바양골에는 600여명의 주민이 살고 있으며 강을 따라 그리고 요양원을 중심으로 마을이 형성되어 있다. 주민 대부분은 양과 말, 소를 기르며 가축의 젖, 고기, 가죽을 팔거나 감자 농사를 지으며 삶을 꾸려나간다. 의료 환경은 과거 사회주의제도로 질적인 면은 떨어지나 기본적인 의료 혜택을 받을 수 있어 아프거나 다치면 입원하는 경우가 많고, 약국에서는 처방전 없이도 의약품을 구입할 수 있어 혈압약과 항생제를 선물로 주기도 한다.

조민영 단원은 이곳 요양원에서 환자들을 위해 다양한 활동을펼치고 있다. 체력단련실을 이용해 이용자들의 여가 시간 활용 및 건강을 관리하고 있으며, 혈압 측정과 함께 운동의 중요성에 대해 교육하고 있다. 몽골 사람들은 다량의 육류 섭취로 심장질환을 많이 앓고 있으며, 주로 고혈압 환자가 많기 때문이다. 또 뇌졸중으로 인한 반신마비 환자의 재활 운동, 노인을 위한 운동 등을 사회복지사와 함께 시도하고 있다. 노인 환자와 장애인이 많아 낙상이나 욕창으로 인한 상처 치료와 간호도 병행한다.

몽골 바트숨베르 국립요양원
1925 년에 건립해 국가 지원으로 운영되는 전액 무료의 요양 시설이다 .
'ㄴ'자 형태로 2 개의 건물동이 연결되어 있으며 인근에 숲과 개울가가 있어 자연친화적 구조를 띤다

바양골에서 피어난 아름다운 손길

“지난해 유난히 돌아가시는 분이 많았는데, 가족에게 버려진 경우가 대부분이라 임종 시 찾아오는 사람이 없습니다. 지켜보는 이 없이 쓸쓸히 생을 마감하는 모습을 보면서 마음이 아팠습니다. 비록 말은 잘 통하지 않지만 옆에서 마지막 가는 길을 지켜드리려 노력하고 있습니다.”

조민영 단원은 의료 봉사활동 외에도 시설 면에서 요양원의 개선이 필요하다고 말한다.

“KOICA 단원들의 활동과 지원으로 조금씩 개선되고 있으나 요양원 건물이 지은 지 워낙 오래돼 물이 새고, 겨울철 몽골의 찬 바람을 막아주지 못하는 실정입니다. 또 이용자들이 많이 아픈 경우 수도인 울란바토르로 나가야 하는데 요양원에서 기차역까지 가는 길이 진흙길과 늪지대라 여름에 비가 많이 내리면 길이 사라져 오가 기조차 힘듭니다. KOICA에서 도로 포장, 상하수도 설치 등 사업을 진행하면 우리나라의 대외협력 이미지 향상은 물론 지원 국가에도 많은 도움이 될 것입니다.”

조민영 단원에게 바트숨베르 국립요양원은 환자들의 아픔과 슬픔을 함께하는 어려움도 있지만, 몽골의 자연을 아우르며 환자와 나누는 기쁨이 더 큰 곳이다.

“요양원에서 기차역까지는 20분 정도 차를 타고 나가야 합니다. 정기적으로 운행하는 버스나 교통수단이 없어 말이 끄는 마차를 타고 가는 경우가 많죠. 여름에는 푸른 초원을, 밤에는 떨어질 듯한 별들을 보며 흔들거리는 마차를 타고 있으면 기분이 좋아집니다.”

치료 중인 환자들의 상처가 아물 때, 환자들의 꾸준한 운동으로 높은 혈압이 조금씩 떨어질 때도 조민영 단원은 보람을 느낀다.
“체력단련실을 이용하는 80세 할아버지가 계신데 혼자서는 걷기 힘들어 매번 남자 직원이 업고 체력단련실에 내려오곤 했습니다. 그런데 하루는 그 남자 직원이 다른 급한 일이 생겨 잠시 챙기지 못한 사이 할아버지 혼자 기어서 운동실을 내려오는 상황이 벌어졌습니다. 너무 죄송했지만, 할아버지의 의지에 크게 감동했습니다. 지금은 조금 느리지만 네 발 지팡이를 이용해 혼자서도 계단을 잘 내려오십니다.”

바트숨베르 국립요양원이 있는 몽골의 시골 마을 바양골의 동네 꼬마와 함께한 조민영 단원

지난 1월 잠시 휴가를 얻어 한국에 다녀온 조민영 단원은 휴가 중에도 요양원에 필요한 물품을 구입하고 몽골의 요양원에 적용할 수 있는 좋은 프로그램이 있는지 살피기 위해 우리나라 요양원을 방문했다. 올 7월이면 파견 기간이 만료된다.

“6개월 후면 몽골에서의 봉사활동이 끝납니다. 한국에 돌아가면 미국 간호사 자격증을 활용해 다시 한번 해외로 나가고 싶습니다. 다른 나라에서 좀 더 경험을 쌓고, 선진 요양 시설을 둘러보며, 20년 뒤에는 몽골 현지에 넓은 초원과 어울리는 멋진 요양원을 짓는 작은 꿈을 꿉니다.”

어느새 바트숨베르 요양원은 그녀의 삶 깊숙이 자리 잡았다. 환자를 생각하는 아름다운 마음이 훗날 조민영 단원이 꿈꾸는 환자들의 안식처로 나타나길 기대해본다.
2009 02 13

- 이 글은 KOICA 봉사단원이 쓴 글입니다 -

KOICA란?
KOICA(Korea International Cooperation Agency: 한국국제협력단)는 외교통상부 산하 단체로 정부 차원의 대외무상협력사업을 전담 실시하는 기관. 한국과 개발도상국의 우호협력관계 및 상호교류를 증진하고 이들 국가들의 경제사회 발전을 지원함으로써 국제협력을 증진하는 것을 목적으로 하고 있다.
[출처] KOICA가 만난 사람-조민영 몽골 해외봉사단원작성자 외교부

UN공보국 인턴이 된 반크회원, 서명진님

2009-05-16T05:42:00.000-07:00

UN공보국 인턴이 된 반크회원, 서명진님
뉴스일자: 2007-09-12
최근 반기문 외교부 장관님이 UN의 사무총장이 된 이후로, 국제공무원이라는 직업에 대한 관심이 어느 때보다 높습니다. 반크 회원들 중에서도 외교관을 꿈꾸시는 분들과 국제공무원을 꿈꾸시는 분들을 많이 볼 수 있는데요. 국제공무원을 꿈꾸는 분들에게 도움이 되고자, 현재 UN 뉴욕 본부 공보국에서 인턴으로 일하고 있는 반크 회원 서명진님과 인터뷰를 하였습니다. 서명진님은 2002년 8월에 반크 회원이 되셨고, 2002년 9월 한국홍보대사, 2002년 9월 최고의 사이버외교관 등으로 열심히 활동을 하셨었습니다.

< 한국 대표외교관이 회의때 앉는 좌석에서 >

- 어떻게 인턴 일을 시작하게 되셨나요?

경희대 재학 중에 학교에서 UN과 양해각서를 체결하면서, 그 중 하나의 항목인 UN 인턴을 모집한다는 공고를 냈어요. 제가 뽑힐 것이라는 생각은 전혀 하지 않았었는데, 실제로 선발이 되고 뉴욕으로 발령이 나서 무척 기뻤습니다.

- 그럼, 인턴 직을 보통 대학생들이 하는 것인가요?

아니요. UN의 인턴은 학부생보다는 어느 정도 전문분야에 대한 지식을 가진 석사 이상의 대학원생을 뽑습니다. 저는 특이한 경우라고 볼 수 있어요.
- 인턴 직의 기간은 어떻게 되나요?

다른 부서는 대부분 2개월 정도인 것으로 알고 있어요. UN의 인턴은 무급이기 때문에 많은 인턴들이 2개월만에 일상으로 돌아가지만, 경우에 따라 UN에 정말 뜻이 있는 사람들은 인턴기간을 연장해서 더 남아있기도 합니다.
저희 부서는 독특하게 6개월인데, 그 중에서도 제 경우는 7개월이예요. 지난 3월 1일에 일을 시작했고, 9월 말에 일을 마치게 됩니다.
- 인턴으로서 주로 하시는 일은 무엇인가요?
제가 일하고 있는 DPI(Department of Public Information)부서는 한국어로 굳이 번역해서 말한다면 공보국이라고 할 수 있는데요. 공보국 내에서도 저는 UN과 협력관계에 있는 NGO들을 돕는 NGO Section에 있습니다. 현재 전세계적으로 1600개정도의 NGO들이 UN DPI와 협력관계를 맺고 있는데요.
부서에서 제가 맡았던 일들을 몇 가지 소개해드리자면, 우선 UN과 협력관계를 맺고자 하는 NGO들을 조사하고 자질을 검증하는 일, 협력을 맺은 NGO들이 UN에 찾아와서 필요한 정보와 자료들을 얻어가서 전세계에 퍼뜨릴 수 있도록 출입증 발급을 비롯한 NGO들의 활동을 돕고 UN책자와 팜플렛 등을 보관하는 미니도서관을 관리하는 일, 매주 다양한 세계적 이슈들을 가지고 UN 직원, 정부 직원, 그리고 NGO들이 모여 토론하는 브리핑을 준비하는 일, 그리고 기후 변화를 주제로 많은 준비 끝에 얼마 전에 무사히 마친 연간 컨퍼런스가 있었습니다. 인턴 기간 중에는 출장 겸 휴가를 내서 약 3주간 동유럽 국가들을 방문하며 UN 글로벌 포럼에 자원봉사자로 참가하여 회의를 돕기도 하였습니다.
- 반크 활동을 한 것이 UN에서의 인턴 직을 하는데 도움이 되셨나요?

무엇보다, 저에게 UN과 국제사회에 관한 관심을 가질 수 있도록 해준 것이 큰 도움이 되었어요. 반크 활동을 하다 보면, 인터넷을 통해서 국제사회에서 일어나는 일에 관심을 가지게 되잖아요. 또한 제 경우에는 동해표기 문제 때문에 국제수로기구와 같은 국제기구들을 많이 알게 되었고, 그러면서 UN의 일에 관심을 가지게 되었어요.
- UN에서 인턴을 하고 싶거나 국제공무원을 꿈꾸는 반크 회원들에게 이런 것을 준비하라고 충고를 해주신다면, 어떤 것이 있나요?

국제기구에서 일한다는 것은 곧 제각기 다른 배경에서 자란, 나와는 많이 다른 수많은 사람들과 만난다는 걸 뜻해요. 국제적인 마인드, 지구촌적인 생각을 가지고 서로의 다양성을 이해하고 존중하지 않으면 같이 일하는 게 쉽지 않겠죠? 세계 지리나 각국의 특징, 다른 나라들과의 관계에 대해서도 미리 공부를 해두면 도움이 될 거라 생각해요. 또 한 가지 가장 중요한 것은 바로 언어입니다. 가장 널리 통하는 국제어인 영어를 마스터해야 하는 것은 물론이고, 그 외 UN 공용어인 프랑스어, 중국어, 아랍어, 스페인어, 러시아어 중에 구사할 수 있는 언어를 만들어놓는 것도 좋은 전략이예요. 물론, UN 공용어가 아닌 언어를 하는 것도 당연히 도움이 됩니다.

< 반기문 UN사무총장님과 함께(?) >

- 인턴 일이 끝나면, 어떻게 하실 예정이세요?

워낙 욕심이 많아서 이것저것 계획이 많은데, 일단 다른 외국어 공부를 하러 다른 나라에 갈 생각도 있고, 학부 전공은 호텔경영학이지만 대학원을 다른 분야로 공부하고 싶기도 해요. 그렇게 되면 궁극적으로 UN 시스템 내에 있는 국제기구에 직원으로 몸담을 기회가 생기지 않을까 하는 바램입니다. 여기에서 일하면서 전세계 NGO들의 활동을 보고 배우다 보니까 내 뜻과 맞는 NGO 활동을 하는 것도 좋겠다는 생각이 들어요.

제2회 아랍 문화 축전에서 아랍 문화 맛보기!

2009-05-14T05:49:00.000-07:00

원문 : http://blog.naver.com/ilovemofat/140068922824

제2회
아랍 문화 축전에서
아랍 문화 맛보기!

우리나라에도 아랍 문화에 관한 수많은 책과 텔레비전 프로그램이 나와 간접적으로는 아랍 문화에 대해 알아 볼 기회가 늘어나고 있지만 실제로 아랍 국가의 문화를 느껴볼 기회는 많지 않았습니다. 올해로 2회를 맞는 아랍 문화 축전은 짧은 기간이나마 우리들에게 아랍 문화를 체험해 볼 기회를 주었는데요, 우리 함께 아랍 문화축전의 현장으로 떠나볼까요?

아랍 문화 축전은 (재)한국-아랍 소사이어티의 주최로 한국과 아랍 국가간 문화 교류를 위해 개최되었습니다. 작년부터 시작되어 1년에 1번 열리는 아랍 문화축전은 크게 공연, 전시, 체험, 영화 상연 네 부분으로 나누어져있으며 아랍 문화에 관심이 있는 사람이라면 누구든지 무료로 체험, 관람을 할 수 있습니다. 5월 12일에는 국립극장에서 수단 국립 전통 예술단의 공연이 있었고, 본격적인 대부분의 행사는 18일에서 20일 사이에 진행되었어요.

전시 & 체험

5월 18일 월요일부터 20일 수요일 사이에는 다양한 전시, 체험 행사가 열렸습니다. 이화여자 대학교 ECC 극장에서는 사우디 아라비아, 오만의 캘리그래피가 전시되었고, 국립극장 문화마당에서는 아랍 전통 문화를 보고 체험해볼 수 있었습니다.

- 캘리그래피 & 헤나아트
아랍어를 예술적으로 표현해낸 아랍의 서예라고 할 수 있는 것이 캘리그래피, 헤나 염료를 이용해 피부에 그림을 그리는 것이 헤나아트입니다. 유명 작가들의 아름다운 캘리그래피 작품이 전시 되었으며 수단, 튀니지의 헤나 아티스트의 화려한 헤나 작품들을 영상과 사진으로 볼 수 있었습니다. 무엇보다도 직접 헤나 아트를 체험해 보고, 유명 작가들이 원하는 글자를 캘리그래피로 직접 그려주는 부스에는 사람들이 끊이지 않았습니다.

- 아랍 전통 문화 전시

튀니지, 수단 등 각국의 화려한 공예품들과 의상들이 전시되어 아랍 문화권의 전통적인 삶의 모습을 일부 엿볼 수 있었습니다. 아랍 문화에서 중요한 부분을 차지하고 있는 코란도 따로 전시하고 있었는데, 금, 나무 등으로 된 표지의 코란부터 5㎝에 이르는 작은 코란까지 다양한 코란들을 직접 볼 수 있었답니다. 특히 사우디 아라비아의 전통의상 쑵을 비롯해 차도르, 히잡, 갈라베야 등 아랍 국가의 전통의상이 전시되었는데, 포토존도 마련해 아랍 전통의상을 입고 기념촬영을 할 수 있는 기회도 주어졌답니다.

- 아랍 음식

제일 인기 있었던 코너 중 하나인 아랍 음식 체험 부스에서는 수단, 오만, 튀니지, 레바논의 음식을 에피타이저부터 후식까지 모두 맛 볼 수 있었답니다.

삼각형 모양의 패티 안에 허브와 달걀, 파슬리, 참치 등을 넣고 기름에 튀긴 튀니지의 에피타이저 '브릭(Brik)'.
우리는 이 곳에서 튀니지 대사관 전속 요리사가 직접 만든 브릭을 시식해 볼 수 있었습니다. 수단의 다양한 곡물을 전시해 놓은 곳도 볼 수 도 있었고, 레바논의 후무스(이집트콩 칙피스를 주재료로 하는 요리)나 파슬리, 박하, 토마토, 허브에 레몬즙과 올리브 오일을 첨가한 샐러드의 일종인 따불레 등도 소개되었지요.

- 수단 전통 결혼식
저녁 7시가 되자 아랍인 세 명이 바닥에 앉아 높고 큰 특유의 소리를 내자 아랍 전통 의상을 입은 여자, 남자 여럿이 줄을 서서 등장했습니다. 수단의 전통 결혼식을 재현하는 것이었지요. 인터넷으로 미리 신청한 한국인 커플은 직접 신랑 신부로 참가해 춤, 노래, 악기가 어우러지는 축제와 같은 수단 전통 결혼식에 참가할 수 있었습니다.

- 아랍 여행 견문록

일반인들의 추억이 담긴 아름다운 아랍 여행 사진들과 재미있는 여행기들을 전시했습니다. 아이들의 천진난만한 모습에서부터 광활한 사막의 모습까지, 아랍 문화와 사회 곳곳을 다양한 시선으로 바라볼 수 있었습니다.

공연 & 영화

- 공연

수단 국립 예술단, 카타르 전통공연단 아츠를 비롯해 4개의 공연이 상연되었습니다. 특히 한국의 풍물굿패와 재즈 듀오 미연&박재천의 프로젝트 그룹 예산족과 모로코 앗사파그나우아 타악밴드가 협연을 해 많은 관심과 찬사를 받았습니다.

- 영화

아랍 문화 축전 기간에는 우리나라에서 보기 힘든 아랍권 영화가 상영되었습니다. 이집트, 알제리를 비롯한 7개 나라의
영화를 상영해 아랍 여성들과 어린이들의 삶, 전쟁으로 얼룩진 풍경, 급격한 사회 변화와 신문화의 수용으로 인해
발생한 세대간 관습 충돌 등 아랍 사회의 단면을 살펴볼 수 있었습니다.(www.cineart.co.kr)

어떤 영화가 있었는지 살짝 구경해 볼까요?

생선 쿠스쿠스
감독 아브델 케치체
출연 사브리나 오아자니,앨리스 하우리
제작 프랑스, 151분
타국에서 소수 민족으로 살아가는 서러움과
애증이 교차하는 가족 관계의 끈끈함을 진중하게 그린 영화

카라멜
감독 나딘 라바키
출연 나딘 라바키,야스민 알마스리
제작 2008.09.04 프랑스,레바논, 96분
미용실에서 5명의 여성들이 하는 대화를 통해
아랍 여성들의 꿈과 현실, 사랑을 보여준다
이 영화들 이외에도 <이방인>, <언더 익스포저>등의 영화가 상연되었답니다.
자세한 소개는 http://www.arabfest.org/festival/cinema/에서 보실 수 있어요.
그럼, 아랍 문화 축전의 열기를 조금 더 다양한 사진으로 한 번 느껴볼까요?~!

아랍 문화 축전에서는 글로만 보던 아랍 문화가 살아난 듯한 느낌을 주었습니다. 앞으로 더 다양한 프로그램을 갖고, 더 많은 사람들이 방문해준다면 아랍권 국가는 우리에게 더 이상 먼 나라가 아니게 될 것입니다.

국제기구에 취업하자(1)-JPO

2009-05-14T05:44:00.000-07:00

원문 http://blog.naver.com/ilovemofat/140060644240

국제기구에 취업하자(1)-JPO

반기문 전 외교통상부 장관이 제8대 유엔 사무총장으로 당선된 후 초등학생부터 대학생까지 국제기구에 대한 관심은 높아졌습니다. 하지만, 흔히 UN, WTO, UNESCO등의 국제기구를 생각하면 외무고시를 거쳐 외교관이 되어야지만 일할 수 있는 기회가 주어진다고 생각합니다. 취업이 어려운 지금, 많은 대학생들은 한번쯤 공무원 시험을 생각하지만, “고시”라는 단어 아래 오랜 기간동안 힘든 시간을 보내야 함으로 망설여지게 되는 것이 사실입니다. 하지만, 외무고시를 거치지 않고도 조금 특별하게 국제기구에 진출할 수 있는 방법이 있습니다. 바로 JPO, Junior Professional Officer 입니다.

<외교통상부 유엔과 JPO관련 홈페이지>

Junior Professional Officer (JPO) 또는 국제기구초급전문가라고 알려진 이 시험의 경쟁률은 외무고시 못 지 않게 높아 “국제고시”라고도 하지만, 국제기구로 진출할 수 있는 빠른 방법 중 하나이기 때문에 점점 많은 사람들이 관심을 보이고 있습니다. 더불어 JPO에 뽑히면 정부의 지원을 받아 국제기구에서 실무경험도 쌓을 수 있어서 외국에 나가 생활하는 것에 대한 부담을 크게 줄일 수 있습니다.

우리나라는 1996년부터 JPO 제도를 실행했습니다. 정부는 매년 5~7명의 JPO를 선발하고 있습니다. 높은 경쟁률에 비해 선발 인원이 너무 적다는 안타까운 목소리도 있지만 앞으로는 JPO 규모가 점차 확대될 전망이라고 합니다. 약 40대 1의 경쟁률을 뚫고 JPO에 선발되면, 정부의 지원 아래 국제기구로 파견되어 각 국제기구에서 일하고 있는 정규 직원과 동등한 대우를 받으며 다양한 실무를 담당하게 됩니다. 국가는 여러 국제기구와 협정을 체결하여 국제기구를 경험하고자 하는 사람들에게 2~3년간 국제 업무를 경험할 수 있도록 월급, 체류비 등을 지원합니다.
JPO로 국제기구에 파견될 경우, 초급전문가로서의 혜택과 복지도 정규 직원과 동일합니다. UNDP (유엔개발계획), UNICEF (유엔아동기금), WFP (세계식량계획) 등의 국제기구들은 JPO를 위한 교육 프로그램을 실행하고 있기 때문에 파견되는 각 국제기구에 맞게 실무적인 교육을 효율적으로 배울 수 있습니다. 물론 세계 각지에서 모여든 수많은 인재들과 경쟁을 해야 함으로 보다 많은 노력이 요구되지만, 국제기구에서 하는 실무들을 직접 보고 듣고 배움으로써 인적 네트워크를 형성할 수 있는 매우 좋은 기회입니다.
특히 JPO가 더욱 매력적인 것은 국제기구에 취업할 수 있는 "지름길"로 불린다는 것입니다. 그만큼 JPO 파견기간이 끝난 후 정규 직원으로 채용되는 비율이 높다고 합니다. 2~3년 동안 JPO과정을 마친 뒤 국제기구에서 정규직으로 일하고자 하는 인재들은 내부 공석에 응모해 채용됩니다. JPO는 공석 정보에 빨리 접근할 수 있고 이미 자신이 일하고 있는 국제기구 업무에 대해 자세히 알고 있기 때문에 경력이 인정되어 일반 응시자에 비해 정규직으로 선발되기가 유리합니다. 하지만, JPO사이에서도 정규직으로 전환되기까지의 경쟁률이 매우 높아서 JPO로 일하고 있는 중에도 정보 수집 및 국제 현안과 자신이 관심 있는 국제기구에 대해 꾸준히 공부를 해야 합니다.

JPO를 통해 UNESCO에서 근무하셨던 이소해 씨를 만나 경험담과 궁금했던점을 인터뷰 했습니다.

“한국의 인재들도 국제기구 진출의 꿈을 키워주세요”
지난 2008년 반기문 유엔 사무총장이 한국을 방문하였을 때 당부한 말입니다. 세계화로 인해 국경의 의미가 허물어지며 국제사회의 중요성이 더욱 더 부각되는 오늘 날, 한국의 위상을 높이기 위해 국제기구 진출에 도전해보면 어떨까요? JPO를 통해 여러분의 꿈을 실현시켜보세요! (외교통상부 유엔과 홈페이지 www.unrecruit.go.kr )

외교통상부 블로그 1기 대학생 기자단
기사 - 최 지 선, 사진 및 영상 - 조 한 내

[Week10] Talk about developing your self-access learning blog.

2009-05-12T06:21:00.001-07:00

Talk about developing your self-access learning blog.

What are the things that you are interested in?
I am most interested in music, favorite singers Fergie, Kelly Clarkson, Pussycat Dolls, and so on, models, dramas that can learn English and movies.

What barriers do you perceive?
The blog is too slow to process. It take so many time to decorate the blog.
It is hard to get used to editing the blog. Since this blog was provided by google, it dose not consider Korean netizen. The construction itself does not fit to Korean internet environment.

What are the things are you especially emphasizing in designing your SALB?
I love appreciating any kinds of photos. So I put gadgets about pictures provided by National Geography, and moonset pictures. I also posted many pictures of models, singer, and I even post pictures with diaries.

Write and Submit the details of your SALB plan on your blog. Your plan should include:
Purpose
Organizations (subcategories)
List of Links in each category
Planning (how to use it)

later in Power Point

[Week 9] Compare between Cyworld and Naver blog

2009-04-25T22:56:00.001-07:00

Compare between Cyworld and Naver blog in terms of functions and features.

Cyworld and Naver blog both provide us personal wedsite. But they have different in many way. First, it costs money to decorate cyworld whereas it is free to get the skin and font at Naver blog. Even I can design skin by myself easily. But as you know, we have to buy skin, font, bgm, and other decoration. And even I bough this items, it has time limitation.
Second, Cyworld has small size of website whereas Naver blog has big size of site. Depending on personal preference, there sizes have their own strength ans weakness.
And Cyworld uses its users' names as its id, so users can not use bad words and serious critics. But Naver blog uses its users' nickname, so users can easily hurt by bad words and critics.
Forth, we can build more pleasant relation between classmates, co-worker, friends and so on through Cyworld, but we can by Naver blog. We don't meet off-line friends at Naver blog. Instead we meet new people, on-line friends, through it.
Finally, we can only get information about user's personal life, mainly their daily pictures, by Cyworld. It is not useful if the other user is not interested in user. But at Naver blog, users can get information about what users need and we can easliy share the information. The information is not about some guy's personal life, but real practical information!

[script] Friends 1-12 the Dozen Lasagnas

2009-04-10T04:45:00.000-07:00

[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from The Odd Couple. Chandler joins in, followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.]
Chandler: No-no-no-no, we're done.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone in the kitchen.]
Monica: Aunt Syl, stop yelling! All I'm saying is that if you had told me vegetarian lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna. (pauses, listens to person on phone) Well, the meat's only every third layer, maybe you could scrape.
(Camera moves to Chandler, Phoebe, Ross, and Joey sitting in living room)
Joey: Ross, did you really read all these baby books?
Ross: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that! (snaps fingers)
Phoebe: Ooh, this is cool...it says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta. (Joey grimaces)
Chandler: And, we're done with the yogurt. (Sets yogurt down on table)
Phoebe: (softly) Sorry. (Camera pans back to Monica, still on phone)
Monica: Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas? (listens to Aunt Syl on phone, looks shocked) Nice talk, Aunt Syl. (in New York accent) You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth?
(Camera pans back to group in living room)
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you know that right now, your baby's only this big? (measures about 2 inches with his thumb and index finger) This is your baby. (in baby-like voice) Hi Daddy!
Ross: (waves) Hello!
Joey: (in baby-like voice) How come you don't live with Mommy? (pause; shows Ross less than amused) How come Mommy lives with that other lady? (pause; Ross still looks less than amused; Joey smiling) What's a lesbian? (playfully hits Ross)
(Rachel enters with Paolo, speaking Italian. Ross looks annoyed)
Rachel: Honey, you can say it, Poconos, Poconos, it's like Poc-o-nos (touching Paolo's nose with forefinger with each syllable)
Paolo: Ah, poke (Paolo touches Rachel's nose) a (touches nose again) nose, mmm (they rub noses, then kisses her)
Joey, Chandler, and Ross: (sitting in living room, imitating Paolo) Mma, Mma, Mmaah
(Camera pans to Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe in the kitchen)
Monica: So, did I hear Poconos?
Rachel: Yes, my sister's giving us her place for the weekend.
Phoebe: Woo-hoo, first weekend away together!
Monica: Yeah, that's a big step.
Rachel: I know...
(Camera pans to Ross, looking dejected)
Chandler: (to Ross) Ah, it's just a weekend, big deal!
Ross: Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be...(makes flinging motions with hands) flung by now?
(Camera pans back to Rachel)
Rachel: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally, totally...
(Camera pans to Ross, holding his stomach)
Ross: ...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to do, huh? Call immigration? (pauses, looks suddenly inspired) I could call immigration!
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey leaving girls' apartment, carrying lasagna.]
Joey: I love babies, with their little baby shoes, and their little baby toes, and their little baby hands...
Chandler: Ok, you're going to have to stop that, forever!
(Joey opens door, throws keys on kitchen table, table falls over)
Joey: Need a new table.
Chandler: You think?
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, there's a knock on the door and Carol answers it to Ross.]
Carol: Hey hey, come on in!
(Ross enters, carrying lasagna)
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
Carol: Oh great! Is it vegetarian, 'cause Susan doesn't eat meat.
Ross: (pauses) I'm pretty sure that it is...
Carol: So, I got the results of the amnio today.
Ross: (making flinging gestures with hands) Oh, tell me, tell me, is everything, uhh....?
Carol: Totally and completely healthy!
Ross: Oh, that's great, that is great! (Hugs and kisses Carol. Then picks up a picture frame)
Ross: Hey, when did you and Susan meet Huey Lewis?
Carol: Uh, that's our friend Tanya.
Ross: (surprised, chuckling nervously) Of course it's your friend Tanya. (looks up frightenedly)
Carol: Don't you want to know about the sex?
Ross: (chuckles nervously) The sex? (chuckles) Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya (miming washing hair, that's the best I could think of), yaw...
Carol: The sex of the baby, Ross.
Ross: Oh, you know the sex of the baby? Oh, oh-oh-oh!
Carol: Do you want to know?
Ross: No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to know, absolutely not. I think, you know, I think you should know until you look down there, and say, oop, there it is! (pauses) Or isn't...
(Susan enters)
Susan: Oh, hello Ross!
Ross: Susan...
Susan: So, so, did you hear?
Ross: Yes, we did, everything's A-OK!
Susan: Oh, that's so... (Susan hugs Carol, they giggle, Ross steps away) It really is...do we know...?
Carol: Yes, we certainly do, it's going to be...
Ross: (flailing arms in protest) Oh, hey hey hey, ho ho ho, hello, guy who doesn't want to know, standing right here!
Susan: Oh, well, is it what we thought it would be?
Carol: Mm-hmmm (Susan and Carol hug, giggling. Ross stands back, reaches out and lightly taps Susan's shoulder)
Ross: Ok, what, what...ok, what did we think it was going to be?
Carol and Susan: It's a...
Ross: (interrupts) No, no, no I don't want to know, don't want to know. Ok, you know, I should probably, I should probably just go.
Carol: Well, thanks for the books.
Ross: No problem, ok, mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh, mmmwa (kisses Carol's stomach, then punches Susan's shoulder) Susan... (Ross leaves.)
Susan: All right, who should we call first, your folks, or Deb and Rona? (intercom buzzer rings)
Carol: Hello?
Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol and Susan laugh)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler use their knees as a table to support the lasagna.]
Chandler: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?
Joey: That's the rule.
Chandler: What rule? There's no rule, if anything, you owe me a table!
Joey: How'd you get to that?
Chandler: Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio
Joey: You knew about that?
Chandler: Well, let's just say the impressions you made in the butter left little to the imagination.
Joey: Ok, ok, How about if we split it?
Chandler: What do you mean, like, buy it together?
Joey: Yeah
Chandler: You think we're ready for something like that?
Joey: Why not?
Chandler: Well, it's a pretty big commitment, I mean, what if one of us wants to move out?
Joey: Why, are you moving out?
Chandler: I'm not moving out.
Joey: You'd tell me if you were moving out right
Chandler: Yeah, yeah, it's just that with my last roommate Kip...
Joey: Aw, I know all about Kip!
Chandler: It's just that we bought a hibachi together, and then he ran off and got married, and things got pretty ugly.
Joey: Well, let me ask you something, was Kip a better roommate than me?
Chandler: Aw, don't do that
[Scene: Phoebe's Massage Parlor, Phoebe's assistant is telling her about the changes to her schedule.]
Phoebe's Assistant: We've got a couple changes in your schedule. Your 4:00 herbal massage has been pushed back to 4:30 and Miss Somerfield canceled her 5:30 shiatsu.
Phoebe: Ok, thanks. (assistant leaves, then walks back in)
Phoebe's Assistant: Oh, here comes your 3:00. I don't mean to sound unprofessional, but, yum (walks out, Paolo enters)
Paolo: Buon Giorno, Bella Phoebe!
Phoebe: Oh, Paolo, hi, what are you doing here?
Paolo: Uh, Racquela tell me you massage, eh?
Phoebe: Well, Racquela's right, yeah!
(Paolo speaks Italian)
Phoebe: Oh, okay, I don't know what you just said, so let's get started.
Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, being naked?
Phoebe: Um, that's really your decision, I mean, some people prefer, you know, to take off...oh whoops! You're being naked!
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe is there.]
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
Monica: And Monica knows...
Ross: Wha, heh, how could you know, I don't even know!
Monica: Carol called me to thank me for the lasagna, I asked, she told me.
Joey: So what's it gonna be? (Monica whispers in Joey's ear. Ross gets up and waves arms frantically in protest)
Ross: Wait—oh—hey—huh, oh great now he knows, and I don't know!
Monica: I'm sorry, I'm just excited about being an aunt!
Joey: Or an uncle...
(Phoebe enters)
Joey and Chandler: Hey Phoebe!
Ross: Hi Pheebs!
Rachel: Pheebs!
Phoebe: Fine!
Monica: Phoebe, what's the matter?
Phoebe: Nothing, I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm out of sorts.
Customer: Hey, can we get some cappuccino over here?
Rachel: Oh, right, that's me!
Joey: Hey, Chandler, that table place closes at 7, come on.
Chandler: Fine. (Joey and Chandler walk towards the door)
Monica: Phoebe, what is it?
Phoebe: All right, you know Paolo?
Ross: I'm familiar with his work, yes...
Phoebe: Well, he made a move on me.
(Joey and Chandler come back)
Joey: Whoa, store will be open tomorrow!
Chandler: More coffee over here, please!
Commercial Break
[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier.]
Monica: Well, what happened?
Phoebe: Well, he came in for a massage, and everything was fine until. (A flashback starts Paolo, lying on massage table, moving his hands up Phoebe's legs.)
[Cut back to Central Perk.]
Joey and Chandler: Ooooohh!
Ross: My God.
Monica: Are you sure?
(The flashback resumes with Paolo grabbing her butt.)
[Cut back to Central Perk.]
Phoebe: Oh yeah, I'm sure. (Flashback resumes with Phoebe doing a voiceover.) And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore. (Flashback continues: Paolo rolls over, Phoebe looks down, then quickly looks up, bites lip, shakes her head)
Monica: Was it...?
Phoebe: Oh, boy scouts could have camped under there.
Guys: Oooooo....
(Rachel runs over)
Rachel: "Ooo," what?
Phoebe: Uma Thurman.
Monica: Oh!
Ross: The actress!
(all talking indistinctly, high-fiving)
Ross: Thanks Rach.
(Rachel walks away)
Chandler: So what are you gonna do?
Ross: You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys? (waiting for guys to chime in)
Chandler: Oh, yeah, you have to tell her.
Joey: Feminist issue. That's where I went!
Phoebe: She is gonna hate me.
Ross:(sympathetic yet...) Yeah, well...
[Scene: The Table Store, Joey and Chandler and looking for their new table.]
Joey: Will you pick one, just pick one! Here, how about that one? (points to a table)
Chandler: That's patio furniture!
Joey: So what, like people are gonna come in and think, "Uh-oh, I'm outside again?" Of course!
Chandler: (gesturing towards another table) What about the birds?
Joey: I don't know, birds just don't say, "Hello, sit here, eat something."
Chandler: You pick one.
Joey: All right, how about the ladybugs?
Chandler: Oh, so, forget about the birds, but big red insects suggest fine dining!
Joey: Fine, you want to get the birds, get the birds!
Chandler: Not like that, I won't! (pauses) Kip would have liked the birds! (Joey turns and gives Chandler a dirty look)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel folding and packing clothes in suitcases as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Rachel: Hi Pheebs!
Phoebe: Are you moving out?
Rachel: No, these aren't all my suitcases. (picks up small blue suitcase and shows to Phoebe) This one's Paolo's.
Phoebe: Um, um, Rachel can we talk for a sec?
Rachel: Well, sure...just a sec, though, 'cause Paolo's on his way over.
Phoebe: Oh! (sits down) Ok, um, ok, um,
Rachel: Oh, Pheebs, Pheebs...
Phoebe: Ok, um, (clears throat) we haven't known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world. (Phoebe opens a tin and offers Rachel a cookie)
Rachel: (taking cookie) Ok, thanks Pheebs (takes bite of cookie, overwhelmed) Oh my God, why have I never tasted these before?!
Phoebe: Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies
Rachel: All right, well, you're right, these are the best oatmeal cookies I've ever had.
Phoebe: Which proves that I never lie.
Rachel: I guess you don't.
Phoebe: Paolo made a pass at me.
(Rachel looks stunned)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Chandler, Joey, and Monica admiring their new table.]
Chandler: So, what do you think?
Ross: I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.
Chandler: I know!
(The camera pans back to reveal Joey and Chandler's new foosball table.)
Monica: So how does this work, you going to balance the plates on these little guys' heads?
Joey: Who cares, we'll eat at the sink! Come on, let's play!
Monica: Heads up Ross! (Monica scores on Chandler and Joey) Score! (points at Chandler) You suck!
(Chandler looks at Joey in amazement)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is recovering from the shock.]
Phoebe: Are you okay?
Rachel: I need some milk.
Phoebe: Ok, I've got milk (takes thermos from her bag and starts to pour a cup) Here you go... (Rachel drinks straight from thermos) Oh!(Rachel finishes thermos) Better?
Rachel: No...oh, I feel so stupid! Oh, I think about the other day with you guys and I was all "Oh, Paolo, he's so great, he makes me feel so..." Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed!
Phoebe: I'm so embarrassed, I'm the one he hit on!
(Phoebe's and Rachel's lines overlap)
Rachel: Pheebs, if I had never met him this never would have happened!
Rachel and Phoebe: I'm so sorry! No I'm sorry! No I'm sorry! No I'm sorry!
Phoebe: No, wait, oh, what are we sorry about?
Rachel: I don't know...right, he's the pig!
Phoebe: Such a pig!
Rachel: Oh, God, he's such a pig,
Phoebe: Oh he's like a...
Rachel: He's like a big disgusting...
Phoebe: ...like a...
Rachel: ...pig...pig man!
Phoebe: Yes, good! Ok...
Rachel: (voice wavers) Oh, but he was my pig man...how did I not see this?
Phoebe: (raises hand) Oh! I know! (Rachel startled) It's because... he's gorgeous, and he's charming, and when he looks at you...
Rachel: Ok, Ok, Pheebs...
Phoebe: The end.
Rachel: Oh, God...
Phoebe: Should I not have told you?
Rachel: No, no, trust, me, it's, it's, it's much better that I know. Uh, I just liked it better before it was better...
(Phoebe scoots her chair over to Rachel and hugs her)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling everyone how it went across the hall as the foosball game continues.]
Phoebe: I think she took it pretty well. You know Paolo's over there right now, so...
Monica: We should get over there and see if she's okay. (switching places with Ross) Just one...second! Score! (Monica scores, high-fives with Ross) Game! Come on. (Monica and Phoebe leave)
Ross: (wiping his brow) Ah...ooh! Well, looks like, uh, we kicked your butts.
Joey: No-no, she kicked our butts. You could be on the Olympic standing-there team.
Ross: Come on, two on one.
Chandler: What are you still doing here? She just broke up with the guy, it's time for you to swoop in!
Ross: What, now?
Joey: Yes, now is when you swoop! You gotta make sure that when Paolo walks out of there, the first guy Rachel sees is you, She's gotta know that you're everything he's not! You're like, like the anti-Paolo!
Chandler: My Catholic friend is right. She's distraught. You're there for her. You pick up the pieces, and then you usher in the age of Ross! (Ross and Chandler look off into the distance. Joey, wondering what they are looking at, looks in the same direction)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is throwing Paolo's clothes over the side.]
Paolo: No, that's cold, that's cold, that's...
[Cut to inside the apartment.]
Ross: (entering) How's it going?
Monica: Don't stare. Now she just finished throwing his clothes off the balcony, now there's just a lot of gesturing and arm-waving, (shows Rachel gesturing with hands in front of her chest), Ok, that is either, "How could you?" or, "Enormous breasts!" Here he comes!
Phoebe: Ooh!
(Paolo enters. Ross, Phoebe, and Monica scatter)
Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, to say good-bye.
Phoebe: Oh, ok bye-bye.
Monica: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, (hands him a lasagna) but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles.
Paolo: Grazie.
Ross: Paolo, I-I just want to tell you and I think I speak for everyone when I say... (shuts door in his face and walks away)
Phoebe: Oh, just look at her... (girls move toward Rachel on the balcony)
Ross: Oh you guys, I-I really think just one of us should go out there so she's not overwhelmed...
Monica: Oh, you're right.
Ross: (pulls Monica back) ...and I really think it should be me.
[Cut to the balcony, Ross has just climbed through the window.]
Ross: Hey.
Rachel: Hey.
Ross: You all right?
Rachel: Ooh, I've been better...
Ross: Come here. (he hugs Rachel) Listen, you deserve so much better than him...you know, I mean, you, you, you should be with a guy who knows what he has when he has you.
Rachel: Oh, Ross...
Ross: What?
Rachel: I am so sick of guys. I don't want to look at another guy, I don't want to think about another guy, I don't even want to be near another guy. (Ross crosses arms)
Ross: Huh.
Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great!
Ross: Ohhhh (Hugs her and sighs)
[Cut to inside the apartment, Rachel and Ross are entering.]
Monica: Ooh...hey honey, are you all right?
Rachel: Oh...
Phoebe: You ok?
Rachel: ...medium...hmm...any cookies left?
Phoebe: Yep!
Ross: See, Rach, uh, see, I don't think that swearing off guys altogether is the answer. I really don't. I think that what you need is to develop a more sophisticated screening process.
Rachel: No. I just need to be by myself for a while, you know? I just got to figure out what I want
Ross: Uh, no, no, see, because not...not all guys are going to be a Paolo.
Rachel: No, I know, I know, and I'm sure your little boy is not going to grow up to be one.
Ross: (astonished) What?
Rachel: What?
Ross: I-I'm, I'm having a boy?
Rachel: Uh...no. No, no, in fact, you're not having a boy.
Ross: Wha-I'm having, I'm having a boy! (babbling) Huh, am I having a boy?
Girls: Yes, you're having a boy! (Monica runs over and hugs Ross)
Ross: I'm having a boy! Oh, I'm having a boy!
(Joey and Chandler run in)
Chandler: Wha-
Joey: Wha-
Joey and Chandler: What is it?
Ross: I'm having a boy! I-I'm having a boy!
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Joey and Chandler: We already knew that! (they hug)
Ross: I'm having a son. Um...
(Ross looks scared)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica is busy killing Chandle and Joey at foosball.]
Monica: Yes! And that would be a shut-down!
Joey and Chandler: Shut-out!! (They both start heading for their rooms.)
Monica: Where are you guys going? Come on, one more game!
Joey: Uh, it's 2:30 in the morning!
Chandler: Yeah, get out!
Monica: You guys are always hanging out in my apartment! Come on, I'll only use my left hand, huh? Come on, wussies! (Joey and Chandler pick her up) All right, ok, I gotta go. I'm going, (they throw her out) and I'm gone.
Chandler: (to Joey) One more game?
Joey: Oh yeah!

[script] Friends 1-11 Mrs. Bing

2009-04-10T04:44:00.001-07:00

[Scene: A Street: Monica and Phoebe are walking to a newsstand.]
Phoebe: Do you think they have yesterday's daily news?
Monica: Why?
Phoebe: Just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was right.
Monica: Oh my God. (Grabs Phoebe and turns her away) Phoebe. Don't look now, but behind us is a guy who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of depression.
Phoebe: Where? (Turns to face him) Ooh, come to Momma.
Monica: He's coming. Be cool, be cool, be cool.
(The guy walks past them)
Guy: Nice hat.
Monica and Phoebe: (in unison) Thanks.
(The guy walks on)
Phoebe: We should do something. Whistle.
Monica: We are not going to whistle.
Phoebe: Come on, do it.
Monica: No!
Phoebe: Do it!
Monica: No!
Phoebe: Do it do it do it!
Monica: (Shouts to the guy) Woo-woo!
(The guy turns round, startled. Monica points to Phoebe. The guy gets hit by a truck)
Phoebe: I can't believe you did that!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Hospital, the guy is in a coma and Mon and Pheebs are visiting.]
Monica: Why did I 'woo-hoo'? I mean, what was I hoping would happen? That-that he'd turn round and say 'I love that sound, I must have you now'?
Phoebe: I just wish there was something we could do. (Bends down and talks to him) Hello. Hello, Coma Guy. GET UP, YOU GIRL SCOUT! UP! UP! UP!
Monica: Phoebe, what are you doing?
Phoebe: Maybe nobody's tried this.
Monica: I wish we at least knew his name... Look at that face. I mean, even sleeping, he looks smart. I bet he's a lawyer.
Phoebe: Yeah, but did you see the dents in his knuckles? That means he's artistic.
Monica: Okay, he's a lawyer, who teaches sculpting on the side. And- he can dance!
Phoebe: Oh! And, he's the kinda guy who, when you're talking, he's listening, y'know, and not saying 'Yeah, I understand' but really wondering what you look like naked.
Monica: I wish all guys could be like him.
Phoebe: I know.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are telling everyone about their coma guy.]
Chandler: Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?
Monica: He doesn't have anyone.
Phoebe: Yeah, we-we feel kinda responsible.
Joey: I can't believe you said woowoo. I don't even say woowoo.
Rachel: Oh, she's coming up! She's coming up! (Turns on the TV)
Jay Leno: (on TV) Folks, when we come back we'll be talking about her new book, 'Euphoria Unbound': the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. You might wanna put the kids to bed for this one.
(Everyone has settled down to watch, except Chandler)
Chandler: Y'know, we don't have to watch this. Weekend At Bernie's is on Showtime, HBO, and Cinemax.
Rachel: No way, forget it.
Joey: C'mon, she's your mom!
Chandler: Exactly. Weekend At Bernie's! Dead guy getting hit in the groin twenty, thirty times! No?
Rachel: Chandler, I gotta tell you, I love your mom's books! I love her books! I cannot get on a plane without one! I mean, this is so cool!
Chandler: Yeah, well, you wouldn't think it was cool if you're eleven years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 of 'Mistress Bitch.'
Ross: C'mon, Chandler, I love your mom. I think she's a blast.
Chandler: You can say that because she's not your mom.
Ross: Oh, please...
(Rachel opens the door to Paolo)
Paolo: Bona sera.
Rachel: Oh, hi sweetie. (They kiss)
Ross: When did Rigatoni get back from Rome?
Monica: Last night.
Ross: Ah, so then his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire?... Just a dream I had- but, phew.
Phoebe: Hey hey hey! She's on!
Paolo: Ah! Nora Bing!
Jay Leno: (on TV) ...Now what is this about you-you being arrested i-in London? What is that all about?
Phoebe: Your mom was arrested?
Chandler: Shhh, busy beaming with pride.
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) ...This is kind of embarrassing, but occasionally after I've been intimate with a man...
Chandler: Now why would she say that's embarrassing?
All: Shhh.
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) ...I just get this craving for Kung Pow Chicken.
Chandler: THAT'S TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!
Jay Leno: (on TV) Alright, so now you're doing this whole book tour thing, how is that going?
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh, fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate- but I get to see my son, who I love...
All: Awww!
Chandler: This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone.
Jay Leno: (on TV) Y'know, don't take this wrong, I-I just don't see you a-as a mom, somehow.. I don't mean that, I don't mean that bad...
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh no, I am a fabulous mom! I bought my son his first condoms.
(The gang turn to look at Chandler)
Chandler: ...And then he burst into flames.
[Scene: The Hospital, it's a montage of Monica and Phoebe's visit to the hospital with My Guy playing in the background. It starts with Monica reading a newspaper to him.]
Monica: Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit reduction bill... the mayor wants to raise subway fares again... the high today was forty-five... and- oh, teams played sports.
[Next is a shot of them dragging an enormous plant into the room, then Monica knitting a sweater, then Phoebe singing, then Phoebe shaving him and chatting to Monica]
Phoebe: What about Glen? He could be a Glen.
Monica: Nah... not-not special enough.
Phoebe: Ooh! How about Agamemnon?
Monica: Waaay too special.
[Scene: A Mexican Restaurant, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler and his mom are there.]
Mrs. Bing: I am famished. What do I want... (Looks at Chandler's menu)
Chandler: Please God don't let it be Kung Pow Chicken.
Mrs. Bing: Oh, you watched the show! What'd you think?
Chandler: Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just a little.
Ross: (Entering) What is this dive? Only you could've picked this place.
Mrs. Bing: Oooh, c'mon, shut up, it's fun. Gimme a hug. (They both sit down) Well, I think we're ready for some tequila.
Chandler: I know I am.
Mrs. Bing: Who's doing shots?
Monica: Yeah.
Phoebe: I'm in.
Mrs. Bing: There y'go. Ross?
Ross: Uh, I'm not really a shot drinking kinda guy.
(Enter Rachel and Paolo. They are both somewhat flustered)
Rachel: Hi! Sorry- sorry we're late, we, uh, kinda just, y'know, lost track of time.
Ross: ...But a man can change. (Downs a shot)
[Time lapse. Ross is now clearly drunk. He is holding up a shot glass to his eye like a jeweller's eye.]
Ross: Anyone want me to appraise anything?
(Rachel feeds something to Paolo. He eats it and licks her hand)
Rachel: Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you, I've read everything you've ever written. No, I mean it! I mean, when I read Euphoria at Midnight, all I wanted to do was become a writer.
Mrs. Bing: Oh, please, honey, listen, if I can do it, anybody can. You just start with half a dozen European cities, throw in thirty euphemisms for male genitalia, and bam! You have got yourself a book.
Chandler: Myyy mother, ladies and gentlemen.
[Cut to Mrs. Bing on the telephone.]
Mrs. Bing: Yeah, any messages for room 226?
(Ross emerges from a toilet marked 'Chicas')
Mrs. Bing: You okay there, slugger?
Ross: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. (A woman emerges from the toilet behind him and he tries to pretend he was in the other one)
Mrs. Bing: What is with you tonight?
Ross: Nothing. Nothing nothing nothing.
Mrs. Bing: (To phone) Okay, thank you. (To Ross) It's the Italian Hand-Licker, isn't it.
Ross: No. It's the one he's licking.
Mrs. Bing: She's supposed to be with you.
Ross: You're good.
Mrs. Bing: Oh, Ross, listen to me. I have sold a hundred million copies of my books, and y'know why?
Ross: The girl on the cover with her nipples showing?
Mrs. Bing: No. Because I know how to write men that women fall in love with. Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo. People will not turn three hundred twenty-five pages for a Paolo. C'mon, the guy's a secondary character, a, y'know, complication you eventually kill off.
Ross: When?
Mrs. Bing: He's not a hero. ...You know who our hero is.
Ross: The guy on the cover with his nipples showing?
Mrs. Bing: No, it's you!
Ross: Please.
Mrs. Bing: No, really, c'mon. You're smart, you're sexy...
Ross: Right.
Mrs. Bing: You are gonna be fine, believe me.
(She kisses him on the cheek)
Ross: Uh-oh...
(...Then full on the mouth)
(Enter Joey)
Joey: Uhhhh.... I'll just pee in the street.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the next morning. Joey is getting the door in his dressing gown—it's Ross.]
Ross: Hey, is Chandler here?
Joey: Yeah.
(Ross drags Joey into the hall and slams the door)
Ross: Okay, uh, about last night, um, Chandler.. you didn't tell... (Joey shakes his head) Okay, 'cause I'm thinking- we don't need to tell Chandler, I mean, it was just a kiss, right? One kiss? No big deal? Right?
Joey: Right. No big deal.
Ross: Okay.
Joey: In Bizarro World!! You broke the code!
Ross: What code?
Joey: You don't kiss your friend's mom! Sisters are okay, maybe a hot-lookin' aunt... but not a mom, never a mom!
(Chandler opens the door and startles them. He picks up the paper)
Chandler: What are you guys doing out here?
Ross: Uh.. uh.. Well, Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game. But, um, apparently, somebody overslept.
Joey: Yeah, well, you don't have your racket.
Ross: No, no I don't, because it's being restrung, somebody was supposed to bring me one.
Joey: Yeah, well you didn't call and leave your grip size.
Chandler: Okay, you guys spend waaaay too much time together. (Goes back inside and shuts the door)
Ross: Okay, I'm scum, I'm scum.
Joey: Ross, how could you let this happen?
Ross: I don't know, God, I... well, it's not like she's a regular mom, y'know? She's, she's sexy, she's...
Joey: You don't think my mom's sexy?
Ross: Well... not in the same way...
Joey: I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani was a handsome woman in her day, alright? You think it's easy giving birth to seven children?
Ross: Okay, I think we're getting into a weird area here...
(Monica and Rachel's door opens and Rachel and Paolo emerge)
Rachel: Hey.
Ross: Hey.
Rachel: What're you guys doing out here?
Ross: Well, not playing raquetball!
Joey: He forgot to leave his grip size!
Ross: He didn't get the goggles!
Rachel: Well,sounds like you two have issues.
(She and Paolo walk a little way down the hall)
Rachel: Goodbye, baby.
Paolo: Ciao, bela.
(They kiss. Ross is watching them)
Ross: Do they wait for me to do this?
(Joey and Ross go into Monica and Rachel's apartment)
Joey: So are you gonna tell him?
Ross: Why would I tell him?
Joey: How about 'cause if you don't, his mother might.
Ross: Oh...
Monica: (Entering) What are you guys doing here?
Joey: Uhhhh.... he's not even wearing a jockstrap!
Monica: ...What did I ask?
[Scene: Hospital. Phoebe is there stroking Coma Guy's hair, when Monica enters with a bunch of balloons.]
Monica: Hi.
Phoebe: Hi.
Monica: What are you doing here?
Phoebe: Nothing, I just thought I'd stop by.. y'know, after the uh... that I.. y'know, so what are you doing here?
Monica: I'm not really here. Just thought I'd drop these off...on the way.. my way... Do you come here a lot? Without me?
Phoebe: No. (Monica brushes Coma Guy's hair in the other direction) No! No! ...So, um, do you think he's doing any better than he was this morning?
Monica: How would I know? I-I wasn't here.
Phoebe: Really? Not even to, um, change his PAJAMAS?! (Whips back the sheet to reveal him wearing new pajamas.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is talking to Chandler. Joey is making a snack at the bar.]
Chandler: Oh my God.
Ross: You're my friend. I-I had to tell you.
Chandler: I can't believe it. Paolo kissed my mom?
Ross: Yeah, um, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink, and you know how he gets when he's drun..uh... (He has caught sight of Joey scowling at him) I can't do this, I did it, it was me, I'm sorry, I kissed your mom.
Chandler: What?
Ross: I was really upset about Rachel and Paolo, and I think I had too much tequila, and Nora- um, Mrs. Mom- your Bing- was just being nice, y'know, and- But nothing happened, nothing- Ask Joey, Joey, uh, came in-
Chandler: (To Joey) You knew about this?
Joey: Uh... y'know, knowledge is a tricky thing.
Chandler: I spent the entire day with you, why didn't you tell me?!
Joey: Hey, hey, hey, you're lucky I caught them when I did, or else who knows what woulda happened.
Ross: Thanks, man, big help.
Chandler: (To Ross) I can't believe this! What the hell were you thinking?
Ross: I wasn't- I mean, I-
Chandler: Y'know, of all my friends, no-one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you.
Ross: I know-
Chandler: I can't believe you did this. (Walks toward the door)
Ross: Chandler-
Joey: Me neither, y'know what-
Chandler: I'm still mad at you for not telling me.
Joey: What are you mad at me for?!
Ross: Chandler-
Chandler: You gotta let me slam the door! (Leaves; slams the door)
Joey: (Shouting after him) Chandler, I didn't kiss her, he did! (To Ross) See what happens when you break the code?
Ross: Joey-
Joey: Ah! (Points to door) Huh? (Leaves and slams the door)
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there except for Chandler. Rachel is writing something and Monica walks up.]
Monica: Hey.
Rachel: Hey.
Monica: (Reading) 'A Woman Undone, by Rachel Karen Green'.
Rachel: Yeah. Thought I'd give it a shot. I'm still on the first chapter. Now, do you think his 'love stick can be liberated from its denim prison'?
Monica: (Reads) Yeah, I'd say so. And there's no 'j' in 'engorged'.
Phoebe: (Walks up with her guitar) Hey Rach.
Rachel: Hey.
Phoebe: Hello.
Monica: Hello.
Phoebe: Going to the hospital tonight?
Monica: No, you?
Phoebe: No, you?
Monica: You just asked me.
Phoebe: Okay, maybe it was a trick question. (Plays a few chords) Um, Rachel can we do this now?
Rachel: Okay. (Writes a little more) I am so hot!
Joey: (To Ross, on the couch) Now, here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day. Now you tell me she's not a knockout.
Ross: I cannot believe we're having this conversation.
Joey: C'mon! Just try to picture her not pregnant, that's all.
Rachel: (Into microphone) Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay.
Phoebe: Thanks. Hi, um, 'kay. I'd like to start with a song that's about a man that I recently met, who's, um, come to be very important to me. (Monica gives her a look) 'Kay. (Sung:)
You don't have to be awake to be my man,As long as you have brainwaves I'll be there to hold your hand.Though we just met the other day, There's something I have got to say...
(She sees Monica sneaking out) Okay, thank you very much, I'm gonna take a short break! (Runs out, knocking over the mike stand)
Rachel: (Into mike) Okay, that was Phoebe Buffay, everybody. Woo!
(Enter Chandler)
Chandler: What was that?
Ross: Oh, uh, Phoebe just started a...
Chandler: Yeah, I believe I was talking to Joey, alright there, Mother-Kisser? (Goes to the counter)
Joey: (Laughing) Mother-Kisser... (Sees Ross's look) I'll shut up.
Ross: Chandler, can I just say something? I-I know you're still mad at me, I just wanna say that there were two people there that night. Okay? Two sets of lips.
Chandler: Yes, well, I expect this from her. Okay? She's always been a Freudian nightmare.
Ross: Okay, well, if she always behaves like this, why don't you say something?
Chandler: Because it's complicated, it's complex- Hey, you kissed my mom!
(People turn to look)
Ross: (To the rest of Central Perk) We're rehearsing a Greek play.
Chandler: That's very funny. We done now?
Ross: No! Okay, you mean, you're not gonna talk to her, you're not gonna tell her how you feel?
Chandler: That would be no. Look, just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom doesn't mean you know her. Alright? Trust me, you can't talk to her.
Ross: Okay, 'you' can't, or (Points to Chandler) you can't? (Chandler grabs his finger) Okay, that's my finger. (Chandler twists it and Ross goes down on one knee) That's, that's my knee. (To Central Perk) Still doing the play. Aaah!
[Scene: The Coma Guy's Room, Monica bursts in, closely followed by Phoebe. There is no sign of Coma Guy. His bed is empty.]
Phoebe: Alright, whadyou do with him?
(There is the sound of a flushing toilet and Coma Guy emerges from the bathroom)
Monica: Oh! You're awake!
Phoebe: Look at you! How, how do you feel?
Coma Guy: Uh, a little woozy, but basically okay.
Monica: You look good!
Coma Guy: I feel good! ...Who are you?
Monica: Oh, sorry.
Phoebe: I'm Phoebe Buffay.
Monica: I'm Monica Geller. I've been taking care of you.
Phoebe: Well, we both have.
Coma Guy: So, the Etch-a-Sketch is from you guys?
Phoebe: Well, actually it's just from me.
Monica: I got you the foot massager.
Phoebe: You know who shaved you? That was me.
Monica: I read to you.
Phoebe: I sang. (To Monica) Hah!
Coma Guy: Well,... thanks.
Monica: Oh, my pleasure.
Phoebe: You're welcome.
Coma Guy: So. I guess I'll see you around.
Phoebe: What, that's it?
Monica: "See you around?"
Coma Guy: Well, what do you want me to say?
Monica: Oh, I don't know. Maybe, um, "That was nice?" Admit something to me? "I'll call you?"
Coma Guy: Alright, I'll call you.
Phoebe: I don't think you mean that.
Monica: This is so typical. Y'know, we give, and we give, and we give. And then- we just get nothing back! And then one day, y'know, it's just, you wake up, and "See you around!" Let's go, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Y'know what? We thought you were different. But I guess it was just the coma.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's Chandler is talking with his mom.]
Mrs. Bing: Car's waiting downstairs, I just wanted to drop off these copies of my book for your friends. Anything you want from Lisbon?
Chandler: No, just knowing you're gonna be there is enough.
Mrs. Bing: Alright, well, be good, I love you. (Kisses him and goes to leave)
Chandler: You kissed my best Ross! ...Or something to that effect.
Mrs. Bing: (Reentering) O-kay. Look, it, it was stupid.
Chandler: Really stupid.
Mrs. Bing: Really stupid. And I don't even know how it happened. I'm sorry, honey, I promise it will never happen again. Are we okay now?
Chandler: Yeah. No. No...
[Cut to the hallway, Joey is listening to Chandler and his mom's conversation through the door as Ross walks up.]
Ross: Ah, the forbidden love of a man and his door.
Joey: Shh. He did it. He told her off, and not just about the kiss, about everything.
Ross: You're kidding.
Joey: No, no. He said "When are you gonna grow up and start being a mom?"
Ross: Wow!
Joey: Then she came back with "The question is, when are you gonna grow up and realise I have a bomb?"
Ross: 'Kay, wait a minute, are you sure she didn't say "When are you gonna grow up and realise I am your mom?"
Joey: That makes more sense.
Ross: So, what's going on now?
Joey: I dunno, I've been standing here spelling it out for you! (Goes back to the door) I don't hear anything. Oh, wait, wait, wait. (Looks through the spyhole)
Ross: Whaddya see?
Joey: Hard to tell, they're so tiny and upside-down. Wait, wait. They're walking away... they're walking away... No, no they're not, they're coming right at us! Run! Run!
(Joey runs off down the hall. Ross tries Monica and Rachel's apartment, but it is locked so he has to stand in the hall and pretend he wasn't listening. Chandler and his mom come out)
Mrs. Bing: You okay, kiddo?
Chandler: Yeah, okay.
Mrs. Bing: Alright. (Kisses him)
Chandler: Nice save.
(She walks down the hall)
Ross: (Very politely) Mrs. Bing.
Mrs. Bing: Mr. Geller.
(She leaves)
(Ross knocks on Monica and Rachel's door)
Chandler: Hey.
Ross: You mean that?
Chandler: Yeah, why not. (They shake hands) So I told her.
Ross: Yeah? How'd it go?
Chandler: Awful. Awful. Couldn'ta gone worse.
Ross: Well, howdya feel?
Chandler: Pretty good! I told her.
Ross: Well, see? So, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, y'know, me kissing your mom, uh? Huh? (Wags his finger at Chandler, then puts it down) But.. we don't have to go down that road.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is handing out copies of her book to the gang.]
Rachel: Okay. Now this is just the first chapter, and I want your absolute honest opinion. Oh, oh, and on page two, he's not 'reaching for her heaving beasts'.
Monica: What's a 'niffle'?
Joey: You usually find them on the 'heaving beasts'.
Rachel: Alright, alright, so I'm not a great typist...
Ross: Wait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens'? Tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!
Rachel: Alright, that's it! Give it back! That's it!
All: Nooo!

[script] Friends 1-10 the Monkey

2009-04-10T04:44:00.000-07:00

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering.]
Ross: Guys? There's a somebody I'd like you to meet.
(A monkey jumps on to his shoulder.)
All: Oooh!
Monica: W-wait. What is that?
Ross: 'That' would be Marcel. You wanna say hi?
Monica: No, no, I don't.
Rachel: Oh, he is precious! Where did you get him?
Ross: My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab.
Phoebe: That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel?
Chandler: Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass!
Monica: Ross, is he gonna live with you, like, in your apartment?
Ross: Yeah. I mean, it's been kinda quiet since Carol left, so...
Monica: Why don't you just get a roommate?
Ross: Nah, I dunno... I think you reach a certain age, having a roommate is kinda pathe- (Realises) ....sorry, that's, that's 'pathet', which is Sanskrit for 'really cool way to live'.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing. Joey is not there.]
Phoebe: So you guys, I'm doing all new material tonight. I have twelve new songs about my mother's suicide, and one about a snowman.
Chandler: Might wanna open with the snowman.
(Enter Joey)
All: Hey, Joey. Hey, buddy.
Monica: So, how'd it go?
Joey: Ahhhhhh, I didn't get the job.
Ross: How could you not get it? You were Santa last year.
Joey: I dunno. Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager. He's not even jolly, it's all political.
Monica: So what are you gonna be?
Joey: Ah, I'm gonna be one of his helpers. It's just such a slap in the face, y'know?
Rachel: Hey, do you guys know what you're doing for New Year's? (They all protest and hit her with cushions) Gee, what?! What is wrong with New Year's?
Chandler: Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible pressures of this holiday: desperate scramble to find anything with lips just so you can have someone to kiss when the ball drops!! Man, I'm talking loud!
Rachel: Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you.
Phoebe: Yeah, you wish!
Chandler: It's just that I'm sick of being a victim of this Dick Clark holiday. I say this year, no dates, we make a pact. Just the six of us- dinner.
All: Yeah, okay. Alright.
Chandler: Y'know, I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm.
All: Woooo! Yeah!
Rachel: Phoebe, you're on.
Phoebe: Oh, oh, good.
Rachel: (Into microphone) Okay, hi. Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, Miss Phoebe Buffay. Wooh!
Phoebe: (Takes mike) Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. (Shakes bell as an introduction) (Sung:)
I made a man with eyes of coalAnd a smile so bewitchin',How was I supposed to knowThat my mom was dead in the kitchen?(shakes bell) La lalala la la la la lalala la la...
(Cut to later. Everyone is totally depressed by now.)
Phoebe: (Sung)
...My mother's ashesEven her eyelashesAre resting in a little yellow jar,And sometimes when it's breezy...
(Over the sound of Phoebe singing we hear two scientists, Max and David, having a noisy discussion)
Phoebe: (Sung)
...I feel a little sneezyAnd now I- (abruptly stops)
Excuse me, excuse me! Yeah, noisy boys! (They stop talking and look up) Is it something that you would like to share with the entire group?
Max: No. No, that's- that's okay.
Phoebe: Well, c'mon, if it's important enough to discuss while I'm playing, then I assume it's important enough for everyone else to hear!
Chandler: (Quietly, to the others) That guy's going home with a note!
David: Noth- I was- I was just saying to my-
Phoebe: Could you speak up please?
David: (Stands up and speaks more loudly) Sorry, I wa- I was just saying to my friend that I thought you were the most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen in my- in my life. And then he said that- you said you thought
Max: Daryl Hannah.
David: Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that he'd ever seen in his life and I said yeah, I liked her in Splash, a lot, but not so much in- in Wall Street, I thought she had kind of a
Max: Hard quality.
David: -hard quality. And uh, while Daryl Hannah is beautiful in a conventional way, you are luminous with a kind of a delicate grace. Then, uh, that-that-that's when you started yelling. (Sits down)
Phoebe: Okay, we're gonna take a short break. (Goes over to their table)
Joey: Hey, that guy's going home with more than a note!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is decorating for Christmas.]
Ross: Come here, Marcel. Sit here. (Marcel wanders off)
Rachel: Pheebs, I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet. I mean God, by my sixth date with Paolo, I mean he had already named both my breasts! ...Ooh. Did I just share too much?
Ross: Just a smidge.
Phoebe: David's like, y'know, Scientist Guy. He's very methodical.
Monica: I think it's romantic.
Phoebe: Me too! Oh! Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman?
Rachel: Yeah!
Phoebe: Well, he's kinda like the guy I went to see that with. Except, except he-he's smarter, and gentler, and sweeter... I just- I just wanna be with him all the time. Day and night, and night and day... and special occasions...
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I see where this is going, you're gonna ask him to New Year's, aren't you. You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact.
Phoebe: No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, could I just?
Chandler: Yeah, 'cause I already asked Janice.
Monica: What?!
Ross: C'mon, this was a pact! This was your pact!
Chandler: I snapped, okay? I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped.
Monica: Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst breakup in history!
Chandler: I'm not saying it was a good idea, I'm saying I snapped!
[Joey enters, his shoes have bells on, which jingle as he walks. He is wearing a long coat.]
Joey: Hi. Hi, sorry I'm late.
(He removes the coat to reveal an elf costume)
Chandler: Too many jokes... must mock Joey!
Joey: Nice shoes, huh? (He wiggles his foot and the bells tinkle)
Chandler: Aah, y'killing me!
(Marcel knocks over some kitchen tools)
Monica: Ross! He's playing with my spatulas again!
Ross: Okay, look, he's not gonna hurt them, right?
Monica: Do you always have to bring him here?
Ross: I didn't wanna leave him alone. Alright? We- we had our first fight this morning. I think it has to do with my working late. I said some things that I didn't mean, and he- he threw some faeces...
Chandler: Y'know, if you're gonna work late, I could look in on him for you.
Ross: Oh, that'd be great! Okay, but if you do, make sure it seems like you're there to see him, okay, and you're not like doing it as a favour to me.
Chandler: Okay, but if he asks, I'm not going to lie.
[Scene: Max and David's lab, David is explaining something to Phoebe with the aid of a whiteboard.]
David: ...But, you can't actually test this theory, because today's particle accelerators are nowhere near powerful enough to simulate these conditions.
Phoebe: Okay, alright, I have a question, then.
David: Yuh.
Phoebe: Um, were you planning on kissing me ever?
David: Uh, that's definitely a, uh, valid question. And, uh, the answer would be (Writes YES on the board) yes. Yes I was. But, see, I wanted it to be this phenomenal kiss that happened at this phenomenal moment, because, well, 'cause it's you.
Phoebe: Sure.
David: Right. But, see, the longer I waited, the more phenomenal the kiss had to be, and now we've reached a place where it's just gotta be one of those things where I just like... sweep everything off the table and throw you down on it. And, uh, I'm not really a, uh, sweeping sorta fella.
Phoebe: Oh, David, I, I think you are a sweeping sorta fella. I mean, you're a sweeper! ...trapped inside a physicist's body.
David: Rrrreally.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, oh, I'm sure of it. You should just do it, just sweep and throw me.
David: ...Now? Now?
Phoebe: Oh yeah, right now.
David: Okay, okay, okay. (Gets ready to sweep, and then picks up a laptop computer) Y'know what, this was just really expensive. (Puts it down elsewhere. Then picks up a microscope) And I'll take- this was a gift. (Moves it)
Phoebe: Okay, now you're just kinda tidying.
David: Okay, what the hell, what the hell. (Sweeps the remaining papers off the desk and grabs Phoebe) You want me to actually throw you or you-you wanna just hop?
Phoebe: I can hop. (She hops onto the table)
(They kiss, finally)
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]
Ross: So tell me something. What does the phrase 'no date pact' mean to you?
Monica: I'm sorry, okay. It's just that Chandler has somebody, and Phoebe has somebody- I thought I'd ask Fun Bobby.
Chandler: Fun Bobby? Your ex-boyfriend Fun Bobby?
Monica: Yeah.
Joey: You know more than one Fun Bobby?
Chandler: I happen to know a Fun Bob.
Rachel: (Brings Joey a mug of coffee) Okay, here we go...
Joey: Ooh ooh ooh ooh, there's no room for milk!
Rachel: (Glances at Joey and then sips his coffee) There. Now there is.
Ross: Okay, so on our no-date evening, three of you now have dates.
Joey: Uh, four.
Ross: Four.
Rachel: Five.
Ross: Five. (Buries his head in his hands)
Rachel: Sorry. Paolo's catching an earlier flight.
Joey: Yeah, and I met this really hot single mom at the store. What's an elf to do?
Ross: Okay, so I'm gonna be the only one standing there alone when the ball drops?
Rachel: Oh, c'mon. We'll have, we'll have a big party, and no-one'll know who's with who.
Ross: Hey, y'know, this is so not what I needed right now.
Monica: What's the matter?
Ross: Oh, it's-it's Marcel. He keeps shutting me out, y'know? He's walking around all the time dragging his hands...
Chandler: That's so weird, I had such a blast with him the other night.
Ross: Really.
Chandler: Yeah, we played, we watched TV.. that juggling thing is amazing.
Ross: What, uh... what juggling thing?
Chandler: With the balled-up socks? I figured you taught him that.
Ross: No.
Chandler: Y'know, it wasn't that big a deal. He just balled up socks... and a melon...
(Max runs in)
Max: Phoebe. Hi.
Phoebe: Oh, hi Max! Hey, do you know everybody?
Max: No. Have you seen David?
Phoebe: No, no, he hasn't been around.
Max: Well, if you see him, tell him to pack his bags. We are going to Minsk.
Phoebe: Minsk?
Max: Minsk. It's in Russia.
Phoebe: I know where Minsk is.
Max: We got the grant. Three years, all expenses paid.
Phoebe: So when, when do you leave?
Max: January first.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Max and David's lab, they are working. Phoebe knocks on the door]
Phoebe: Hello?
David: Hey!
Phoebe: Hi.
David: Hi! (Kisses her) What-what're you doing here?
Phoebe: Um, well, Max told me about Minsk, so (Puts on a fake cheery voice) congratulations! This is so exciting!
Max: It'd be even more exciting if we were going.
Phoebe: Oh, you're not going? (Fake disappointed voice) Oh, why?
Max: Tell her, David. 'I don't wanna go to Minsk and work with Lifson and Yamaguchi and Flench, on nonononononono. I wanna stay here and make out with my girlfriend!!' (Storms out)
David: Thank you, Max. Thank you.
Phoebe: So-so you're really not going?
David: I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I just- you decide.
Phoebe: Oh don't do that.
David: Please.
Phoebe: Oh no no.
David: No, but I'm asking-
Phoebe: Oh, but I can't do that-
David: No, but I can't-
Phoebe: It's your thing, and-
David: -make the decision-
Phoebe: Okay, um, stay.
David: Stay.
Phoebe: Stay.
(He thinks for a moment and sweeps the stuff off the table)
Phoebe: Getting so good at that! (She hops on)
David: It was Max's stuff. (They kiss)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the party has started.]
Janice: I love this artichoke thing! Oh, don't tell me what's in it, the diet starts tomorrow! (Laughs her Janice laugh)
Chandler: You remember Janice.
Monica: Vividly.
(Someone knocks on the door; Monica gets it)
Monica: Hi.
Sandy: Hi, I'm Sandy.
Joey: Sandy! Hi! C'mon in! (She enters, followed by a young boy and a younger girl)...You brought your kids.
Sandy: Yeah. That's okay, right?
(Joey and Monica look at each other and shrug. Ross enters with Marcel on his shoulder)
Ross: Par-tay!
Monica: That thing is not coming in here.
Ross: 'That thing'? This is how you greet guests at a party? Let me ask you something, if I showed up here with my new girlfriend, she wouldn't be welcome in your home?
Monica: I'm guessing your new girlfriend wouldn't urinate on my coffee table.
Ross: Okay. He was more embarrassed about that than anyone. Okay? And for him to have the courage to walk back in here like nothing happened...
Monica: Alright. Just keep him away from me.
Ross: Thank you. (She walks off) C'mon, Marcel, whaddya say you and I do a little mingling? (Marcel runs off) Alright, I'll, uh... catch up with you later.
(The door opens. Rachel is standing there. Her coat is muddy and torn, her hair is dishevelled and her face is bruised. Everyone turns to look)
Monica: Oh my gosh! Rachel, honey.. are you okay? Where-where's Paolo?
Rachel: Rome. Jerk missed his flight.
Phoebe: And then... your face is bloated?
Rachel: No. Okay. I was at the airport, getting into a cab, when this woman- this blonde planet with a pocketbook- starts yelling at me. Something about how it was her cab first. And then the next thing I know she just starts- starts pulling me out by my hair! So I'm blowing my attack whistle thingy and three more cabs show up, and as I'm going to get into a cab she tackles me. And I hit my head on the kerb and cut my lip on my whistle...oh...everybody having fun at the party? (To Monica) Are people eating my dip?
[Time lapse. Monica and Rachel, fixed up somewhat, emerge from a bedroom]
Sandy: Y'know, when I saw you at the store last week, it was probably the first time I ever mentally undressed an elf.
Joey: Wow, that's, uh, dirty.
Sandy: Yeah.
(They almost kiss and then Joey realises her kids are staring at them)
Joey: Hey, kids...
Ross: (Watching Marcel play with Phoebe. To Chandler) Look at him. I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, but at least check in.
Janice: (Startles them) There you are! Haaah, you got away from me!
Chandler: (Imitating) But you found me!
Janice: Here, Ross, take our picture. (Hands him a camera and he starts snapping) Smile! You're on Janice Camera!
Chandler: Kill me. Kill me now.
(Someone else knocks on the door. Monica looks through the spyhole)
Monica: Hey everybody! It's Fun Bobby!
(Everyone cheers. Monica opens the door. Bobby is obviously very depressed)
Fun Bobby: Hey, sorry I'm late. But my, uh, grandfather, he- died about two hours ago. But I-I-I couldn't get a flight out 'til tomorrow, so here I am!
Joey: (Approaching) Hey Fun Bobby! Whoah! Who died?
(Monica gestures wildly behind Fun Bobby's back)
[Time lapse. Bobby is talking about his grandfather. Everyone else is virtually in tears]
Fun Bobby: It's gonna be an open casket, y'know, so at least I'll- I get to see him again.
Janice: (Ross is still taking their photo) Oh, I'm gonna blow this one up, and I'm gonna write 'Reunited' in glitter.
Chandler: Alright, Janice, that's it! Janice... Janice... Hey, Janice, when I invited you to this party I didn't necessarily think that it meant that we-
Janice: Oh, no. Oh, no.
Chandler: I'm sorry you misunderstood...
Janice: Oh my God. You listen to me, Chandler, you listen to me. One of these times is just gonna be your last chance with me. (She runs off)
(Ross is still taking photos)
Chandler: Oh, will you give me the thing. (Snatches the camera)
(David is feeding Phoebe popcorn. Max walks up)
Phoebe: Hi, Max!
Max: Yoko. (To David) I've decided to go to Minsk without you.
David: Wow.
Max: It won't be the same- but it'll still be Minsk. Happy New Year.(Walks off)
Phoebe: Are you alright?
David: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.
(Phoebe leads David into a bedroom)
Phoebe: You're going to Minsk.
David: No, I'm... not going to Minsk.
Phoebe: Oh, you are so going to Minsk. You belong in Minsk. You can't stay here just 'cause of me.
David: Yes I can. Because if I go it means I have to break up with you, and I can't break up with you.
Phoebe: Oh yes, yes, yes you can. Just say, um, 'Phoebe, my work is my life and that's what I have to do right now'. And I say 'your work?! Your work?! How can you say that?!'. And then you say, um, 'it's tearing me apart, but I have no choice. Can't you understand that?'. And I say (Hits him) 'no! No! I can't understand that!'.
David: Uh, ow.
Phoebe: Ooh, sorry. Um, and, and then you put your arms around me. And then you put your arms around me. (He does so) And, um, and then you tell me that you love me and you'll never forget me.
David: I'll never forget you.
Phoebe: And then you say that it's almost midnight and you have to go because you don't wanna start the new year with me if you can't finish it. (They kiss) I'm gonna miss you. You scientist guy.
Dick Clark: (on TV) Hi, this is Dick Clark, live in Times Square. We're in a virtual snowstorm of confetti here in Times Square...
(Joey puts a blanket over Sandy's kids)
Joey: There y'go, kids.
Chandler: (To a woman who he has clearly just met) And then the peacock bit me. (Laughs) Please kiss me at midnight. (She leaves)
Joey: You seen Sandy?
Chandler: Ooh. Uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but she's in Monica's bedroom, getting it on with Max, that scientist geek. Ooh, look at that, I did know how to tell you.
Rachel: Vrrbddy, the bll is drrbing.
All: (in the kitchen) What?
Rachel: The bll is drrbing!
Dick Clark: (on TV) In twenty seconds it'll be midnight...
Chandler: And the moment of joy is upon us.
Joey: Looks like that no date pact thing worked out.
Phoebe: Everybody looks so happy. I hate that.
Monica: Not everybody's happy. Hey Bobby!
(Bobby waves and then bursts into tears. Midnight comes and everyone at the party except for the gang cheers and kisses)
Chandler: Y'know, I uh.. just thought I'd throw this out here. I'm no math whiz, but I do believe there are three girls and three guys right here. (Makes kiss noise)
Phoebe: I dunno. I don't feel like kissing anyone tonight.
Rachel: I can't kiss anyone.
Monica: So I'm kissing everyone?
Joey: Nonono, you can't kiss Ross, that's your brother.
Ross: Perfect. Perfect. So now everybody's getting kissed but me.
Chandler: Alright, somebody kiss me. Somebody kiss me, it's midnight! Somebody kiss me!
Joey: Alrightalrightalright. (Kisses him. Ross takes a photo) There.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time lapse.]
Ross: (Watching Marcel and talking to Rachel) I wanted this to work so much. I mean I'm still in there, changing his diapers, pickin' his fleas... but he's just phoning it in. Just so hard to accept the fact that something you love so much doesn't love you back.
Rachel: ...I think that bitch cracked my tooth.

[script] Friends 1-9 Where Underdog Gets Away

2009-04-10T04:43:00.000-07:00

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is confronting her boss, Terry.]
Rachel: Terry, I, I, I know that I haven't worked here very long, but I was wondering, do you think it would be possible if I got a $100 advance in my salary?
Terry: An advance?
Rachel: It's so that I can spend Thanksgiving with my family. See, every year we go skiing in Vail, and normally my father pays for my ticket, but I sort of started the whole independence thing, you know, which is actually why I took this job.
Terry: Rachel, Rachel, sweetheart. You're a terrible, terrible waitress. Really, really awful.
Rachel: Ok, I, I hear what you're sayin'. I'm with you. Um, but I, but I'm trying really hard. And I think I'm doing better. I really do. Does anybody need coffee? (everyone in the place raises their hand) Oh, look at that.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is approaching a customer.]
Rachel: Excuse me, sir. Hi, you come in here all time. I was just wondering, do you think there's a possibility that you could give me an advance on my tips?
Guy: Huh?
Rachel: Ok, ok, that's fine. Fine. Hey, I'm sorry about that spill before. (picks up the tip he leaves) Only $98.50 to go.
(Monica enters.)
Monica: Hey. Ross, did you know Mom and Dad are going to Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving?
Ross: No, they're not.
Monica: Yes, they are. The Blymens invited them.
Ross: You're wrong.
Monica: I am not wrong.
Ross: You're wrong.
Monica: No, I just talked to them.
Ross: (getting up, upset) I'm calling Mom.
(Joey enters. His face looks abnormally colorful.)
Joey: Hey, hey.
Chandler: Hey.
Phoebe: Hey.
Chandler: And this from the cry-for-help department. Are you wearing makeup?
Joey: Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model.
Chandler: That's so funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman.
Phoebe: What were you modeling for?
Joey: You know those posters for the city free clinic?
Monica: Oh, wow, so you're gonna be one of those "healthy, healthy, healthy guys"?
Phoebe: You know, the asthma guy was really cute.
Chandler: Do you know which one you're gonna be?
Joey: No, but I hear lyme disease is open, so... (crosses fingers)
Chandler: Good luck, man. I hope you get it.
Joey: Thanks.
(Ross comes back to the couch.)
Ross: (to Monica) Well, you were right. How can they do this to us, huh? It's Thanksgiving.
Monica: Ok, I'll tell you what. How about I cook dinner at my place? I'll make it just like Mom's.
Ross: Will you make the mashed potatoes with the lumps?
Monica: You know, they're not actually supposed to have... (Ross looks at her sheepishly) I'll work on the lumps. Joey, you're going home, right?
Joey: Yeah.
Monica: And I assume, Chandler, you are still boycotting all the pilgrim holidays.
Chandler: Yes, every single one of them.
Monica: Phoebe, you're gonna be with your grandma?
Phoebe: Yes, and her boyfriend. But we're celebrating Thanksgiving in December 'cause he is lunar.
Monica: So you're free Thursday, then.
Phoebe: Yeah. Oh, can I come?
Monica: Yeah. Rach, are you thinking you're gonna make it to Vail?
Rachel: Absolutely. Shoop, shoop, shoop. Only a hundred and two dollars to go.
Chandler: I thought it was $98.50.
Rachel: Yeah, well it was. I, I broke a cup.
Ross: Well, I'm off to Carol's.
Phoebe: Ooh, ooh! Why don't we invite her?
Ross: (mimicking) Ooh, ooh. Because she's my ex-wife, and will probably want to bring her, ooh, ooh, lesbian life partner.
[Scene: Carol and Susan's apartment, Susan is there. Ross enters.]
Ross: Hi, is uh, is Carol here?
Susan: No, she's at a faculty meeting.
Ross: Oh, I uh, just came by to pick up my skull. Well, not mine, but...Susan: Come in.
Ross: Thanks. Yeah, Carol borrowed it for a class, and I have to get it back to the museum.
Susan: What's it look like?
Ross: Kinda like a big face without skin.
Susan: Yes, I'm familiar with the concept. We can just look for it.
Ross: Ok. (browsing the apartment) Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about bein' a lesbian.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise, they don't let you do it.
Ross: (picking up a book) Hey, hey, Yertle the Turtle. A classic.
Susan: Actually, I'm reading it to the baby.
Ross: The uh, the baby that hasn't been born yet? Wouldn't that mean you're... crazy?
Susan: What, you don't think they can hear sounds in there?
Ross: You're not serious, I mean, you really... you really talk to it?
Susan: Yeah, all the time. I want the baby to know my voice.
Ross: Do you uh, do you talk about me?
Susan: Yeah, yeah, all the time.
Ross: Really?
Susan: But um, we just refer to you as Bobo the Sperm Guy.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there but Rachel.]
Ross: Look, if she's talking to it, I just think that I should get some belly time too. Not that I believe any of this.
Phoebe: Oh, I believe it. I think the baby can totally hear everything. I can show you. Look, this will seem a little weird, but you put your head inside this turkey, and then we'll all talk, and you'll hear everything we say.
Chandler: I'd just like to say that I'm totally behind this experiment. In fact, I'd very much like to butter your head.
(Rachel enters.)
Monica: Hey, Rach, did you make your money?
Rachel: No, not even close. Forget Vail, forget seeing my family, forget shoop, shoop, shoop.
Monica: Rach, here's your mail.
Rachel: Thanks, you can just put it on the table.
Monica: (insistently) No, here's your mail.
Rachel: Thanks, you can just put it on the table.
Monica: (gives her an envelope) Would you just open it?
(Rachel opens it. Inside is the money she needed.)
Rachel: Oh my god, oh, you guys are great.
Monica: We all chipped in.
Joey: (to Monica) We did?
Monica: (to Joey) You owe me 20 bucks.
Rachel: Thank you. Thank you so much!
Monica: (hands Chandler a bag) Chandler, here you go, got your traditional Thanksgiving feast, you got your tomato soup, your grilled cheese fixin's, and your family size bag of Funyuns.
Rachel: Wait, wait, Chandler, this is what you're havin' for Thanksgiving dinner? What, what, what is it with you and this holiday?
Chandler: All right, I'm nine years old.
Ross: Oh, I hate this story.
Chandler: We just finished this magnificent Thanksgiving dinner. I have--and I remember this part vividly--a mouthful of pumpkin pie, and this is the moment my parents choose to tell me they're getting divorced.
Rachel: Oh my god.
Chandler: Yes. It's very difficult to appreciate a Thanksgiving dinner once you've seen it in reverse.
[Scene: The subway, Joey spots a gorgeous woman waiting. He goes up to her.]
Joey: Uh, hi. We uh, we used to work together.
Girl: We did?
Joey: Yeah, at Macy's. You were the Obsession girl, right? I was the Aramis guy. (pretends to spray cologne) Aramis? Aramis?
Girl: Yeah, right.
Joey: I gotta tell you. You're the best in the business.
Girl: Get out.
Joey: I'm serious. You're amazing. You know when to spritz, when to lay back.
Girl: Really? You don't know what that means to me.
Joey: Ooh, you smell great tonight. What're you wearing?
Girl: (provocatively) Nothing.
Joey: Listen, uh, you wanna go get a drink or something?
Girl: Yeah. (she gets up, notices something behind Joey) Oh.
Joey: What's wrong?
Girl: I just remembered, I have to do something.
Joey: Oh. What?
Girl: Um, leave.
Joey: Wait, wait, wait!
(Joey turns around and sees his face on a poster in the subway. The poster says: What Mario isn't telling you...V.D., you never know who might have it. A variety of scenes are shown with the poster displayed all over New York City.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey enters, amongst snickers from the gang.]
Joey: So I guess you all saw it.
Rachel: Saw what?
Phoebe: No, we were just laughing. You know, how laughter can be infectious.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey enters, upset.]
Joey: Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD.
Chandler: Tonight, on a very special Blossom.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is standing in the doorway, not wanting to participate in the festivities.]
Monica: Mmm, looking good. Ok, cider's mulling, turkey's turking, yams are yamming. (notices Ross is depressed) What?
Ross: I don't know. It's just not the same without Mom in the kitchen.
Monica: All right, that's it. You know what? Just get out of my way and stop moping.
Ross: That's closer.
(Rachel enters, excited.)
Rachel: I got the tickets! I got the tickets! Five hours from now, shoop, shoop, shoop.
Chandler: Oh, you must stop shooping.
Rachel: Ok, I'm gonna get my stuff.
Joey: Chandler, will you just come in already?
Chandler: No, I prefer to keep a safe distance from all this merriment.
(Phoebe takes a slice of pumpkin pie and waves it in front of Chandler's face.)
Phoebe: Look out, incoming pumpkin pie!
Chandler: Ok, we all laughed when you did it with the stuffing, but that's not funny anymore.
(Chandler leaves.)
Joey: Hey, Monica, I got a question. I don't see any tater tots.
Monica: That's not a question.
Joey: But my mom always makes them. It's like a tradition. You get a little piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry sauce, and a tot! It's bad enough I can't be with my family because of my disease.
Monica: All right, fine. Tonight's potatoes will be both mashed with lumps, and in the form of tots.
Ross: Ok, I'm off to talk to my unborn child.
(Ross grabs for some food, Monica slaps his hand away.)
Monica: Ah!
Ross: Ok, Mom never hit.
(Ross exits.)
Phoebe: (stirring pot) Ok, all done.
Monica: What, Phoebe, did you whip the potatoes? Ross needs lumps!
Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry, oh, I just, I thought we could have them whipped and then add some peas and onions.
Monica: Why would we do that?
Phoebe: Well, 'cause then they'd be like my mom used to make them, you know, before she died.
Monica: Ok, three kinds of potatoes coming up.
Rachel: Ok, good-bye you guys. Thanks for everything. (she starts to leave, and hits everyone with her skis) Oh, sorry! Oh, sorry!
(Chandler enters, running.)
Chandler: The most unbelievable thing has happened. Underdog has just gotten away.
Joey: The balloon?
Chandler: No, no, the actual cartoon character. Of course the balloon. It's all over the news. Right before he reached Macy's, he broke free and was spotted flying over Washington Square Park. I'm goin' to the roof, who's with me?
Rachel: I can't, I gotta go.
Chandler: Come on. An 80-foot inflatable dog let loose over the city. How often does that happen?
Phoebe: Almost never.
Monica: Got the keys? or Got the keys!
Rachel: Ok.
(Everyone leaves the apartment.)
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Ross is preparing to talk to her belly.]
Carol: Anytime you're ready.
Ross: Ok, ok, here we go. (he crouches down near her stomach) Ok, where am I talking to, here? I mean, uh, well, there is one way that seems to offer a certain acoustical advantage, but...
Carol: Just aim for the bump.
Ross: Ok, ok, ok, ok, here goes. You know, I, you know, can't do this. Uh, this is too weird. I feel stupid.
Carol: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it.
Ross: (quickly talking) Hello, baby. Hello, hello.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the group is coming back from the roof.]
Rachel: I loved the moment when you first saw the giant dog shadow all over the park.
Phoebe: Yeah, but did they have to shoot him down? I mean, that was just mean.
Monica: Ok, right about now the turkey should be crispy on the outside, juicy on the inside. Why are we standing here?
Rachel: We're waiting for you to open the door. You got the keys.
Monica: No I don't.
Rachel: Yes, you do. When we left, you said, "got the keys."
Monica: No I didn't. I asked, "got the ke-eys?"
Rachel: No, no, no, you said, "got the keys".
Chandler: Do either of you have the keys?
Monica: (panicked) The oven is on.
Rachel: Oh, I gotta get my ticket!
Joey: Wait, wait, we have a copy of your key.
Monica: Well then get it, get it!
Joey: That tone will not make me go any faster.
Monica: (angry) Joey!
Joey: That one will.
(Joey leaves to get the copy of the key.)
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Carol is reading, Ross is talking to her stomach.]
Ross: And everyone's telling me, you gotta pick a major, you gotta pick a major. So, on a dare, I picked paleontology. And you have no idea what I'm saying, because, let's face it, you're a fetus. You're just happy you don't have gills anymore.
Carol: Look, you don't have to talk to it. You can sing to it if you want.
Ross: Oh, please. I am not singing to your stomach, ok?
(Susan enters.)
Susan: Hi, how's it goin?
Ross: Shh! (singing) Here we come, walkin' down the street, get the funniest looks from, everyone we meet. Hey, hey! (to Carol) Hey, uh, did you just feel that?
Carol: I did.
Ross: Does it always, uh--?
Carol: No, no that was the first.
Susan: Keep singing! Keep singing!
Ross: (singing) Hey, hey, you're my baby, and I can't wait to meet you. When you come out I'll buy you a bagel, and then we'll go to the zoo.
Susan: I felt it!
Ross: (singin) Hey, hey, I'm your daddy. I'm the one without any breasts.
[Scene: The Hallway, Joey has a tray full of keys, and is trying each one in the lock.]
Joey: Nope, not that one.
Monica: Can you go any faster with that?
Joey: Hey, I got one keyhole and about a zillion keys. You do the math.
Monica: Why do you guys have so many keys in there anyway?
Chandler: (sarcastic) For an emergency just like this.
Rachel: (grabs Chandler by the shirt) All right, listen, smirky. If it wasn't for you and your stupid balloon, I would be on a plane watching a woman do this (makes a gesture like a stewardess pointing out exits) right now. But I'm not.
Monica: I swear you said you had the keys.
Rachel: No, I didn't. I wouldn't say I had the keys unless I had the keys, and I obviously didn't have the keys.
Phoebe: Ooh, ok, that's it. Enough with the keys. No one say keys.
(Short pause.)
Monica: Why would I have the keys?
Rachel: Aside from the fact that you said you had them?
Monica: But I didn't.
Rachel: Well, you should have.
Monica: Why?
Rachel: Because!
Monica: Why?
Rachel: Because!
Monica: Why? Because everything is my responsibility? Isn't it enough that I'm making Thanksgiving dinner for everyone? You know, everyone wants a different kind of potatoes, so I'm making different kinds of potatoes. Does anybody care what kind of potatoes I want? Nooooo, no, no! (starting to cry) Just as long as Phoebe gets her peas and onions, and Mario gets his tots, and it's my first Thanksgiving, and it's all burned, and, and I... I...
Chandler: Ok, Monica, only dogs can hear you now, so, look, the door's open. Here we go.
(They walk in. Smoke fills the apartment.)
Monica: Well, the turkey's burnt. (checking pots) Potatoes are ruined, potatoes are ruined, potatoes are ruined.
(Ross enters, singing.)
Ross: Here we come, walkin' down the—this doesn't smell like Mom's.
Monica: No, it doesn't, does it? But you wanted lumps, Ross? (picks up the pan of badly burnt potatoes) Well, here you go, buddy, ya got one.
Rachel: Oh, god, this is great! The plane is gone, so it looks like I'm stuck here with you guys.
Joey: Hey, we all had better plans. This was nobody's first choice.
Monica: Oh, really? So why was I busting my ass to make this delicious Thanksgiving dinner?
Joey: You call that delicious?
(all shouting)
Monica: Stop it, stop it, stop it!
Chandler: Now this feels like Thanksgiving.
[Time lapse. Everyone is upset with each other. Phoebe is at the window.]
Phoebe: Ooh.
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: Ugly Naked Guy's taking his turkey out of the oven. Oh my god. He's not alone. Ugly Naked Guy's having Thanksgiving dinner with Ugly Naked Gal.
(They all run to the window.)
Joey: I've gotta see this. All right Ugly Naked Guy!
Monica: Ooh, Ugly Naked Dancing!
Phoebe: It's nice that he has someone.
[Time lapse. The gang is around the table, eating grilled cheese sandwiches.]
Chandler: Shall I carve?
Rachel: By all means.
Chandler: Ok, who wants light cheese, and who wants dark cheese?
Ross: I don't even wanna know about the dark cheese.
Monica: (holding sandwich) Does anybody wanna split this with me?
Joey: Oh, I will.
Phoebe: Ooh, you guys have to make a wish.
Monica: Make a wish?
Phoebe: Come on, you know, Thanksgiving. Ooh, you got the bigger half. What'd you wish for?
Joey: The bigger half.
Chandler: I'd like to propose a toast. Little toast here, ding ding. I know this isn't the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you all planned, but for me, this has been really great, you know, I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting. Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail, and if you guys'd been with your family, if you didn't have syphilis and stuff, we wouldn't be all together, you know? So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked.
All: That's so sweet.
Ross: And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas.
Rachel: And a crappy New Year.
Chandler: Here, here!
Closing Credits
[Scene: The Subway, Joey sees his poster and he peels off the caption on his poster, revealing more posters underneath. The captions read, as follows:
Bladder Control ProblemStop Wife BeatingHemorrhoids?Winner of 3 Tony Awards...
He's finally happy with that and walks away.]

[script] Friends 1-8 Where Nana Dies Twice

2009-04-10T04:42:00.000-07:00

[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break. Shelley enters.)Shelley: Hey gorgeous, how's it going?
Chandler: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this?
Shelley: Question. You're not dating anybody, are you, because I met somebody who would be perfect for you.
Chandler: Ah, y'see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'...
Shelley: Do you want a date Saturday?
Chandler: Yes please.
Shelley: Okay. He's cute, he's funny, he's-
Chandler: He's a he?
Shelley: Well yeah! ...Oh God. I- just- I thought- Good, Shelley. I'm just gonna go flush myself down the toilet now...(backs out of the room) Okay, goodbye...
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there.)
Chandler: ...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that?
Rachel: Um... yeah. Well, I mean, when I first met you, y'know, I thought maybe, possibly, you might be...
Chandler: You did?
Rachel: Yeah, but then you spent Phoebe's entire birthday party talking to my breasts, so then I figured maybe not.
Chandler: Huh. Did, uh... any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me?
Monica: I did.
Phoebe: Yeah, I think so, yeah.
Joey: Not me.
Ross: Nono, me neither. Although, uh, y'know, back in college, Susan Sallidor did.
Chandler: You're kidding! Did you tell her I wasn't?
Ross: No. No, it's just 'cause, uh, I kinda wanted to go out with her too, so I told her, actually, you were seeing Bernie Spellman... who also liked her, so...
(Joey congratulates Ross, sees Chandler's look and abruptly stops.)
Chandler: Well, this is fascinating. So, uh, what is it about me?
Phoebe: I dunno, 'cause you're smart, you're funny...
Chandler: Ross is smart and funny, d'you ever think that about him?
All: Yeah! Right!
Chandler: WHAT IS IT?!
Monica: Okay, I-I d'know, you-you just- you have a quality.
All: Yes. Absolutely. A quality.
Chandler: Oh, oh, a quality, good, because I was worried you guys were gonna be vague about this.
(Phone rings; Monica gets it)
Monica: Hello? Hello? Oh! Rachel, it's Paolo calling from Rome.
Rachel: Oh my God! Calling from Rome! (Takes phone) Bon giorno, caro mio.
Ross: (to Joey) So he's calling from Rome. I could do that. Just gotta go to Rome.
Rachel: Monica, your dad just beeped in, but can you make it quick? Talking to Rome. (Showing off to Phoebe and Chandler) I'm talking to Rome.
Monica: Hey dad, what's up? (Listens) Oh God. Ross, it's Nana.
[Scene: The Hospital, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are there, along with Aunt Lillian. Ross and Monica enter and everyone says hi and kisses.)
Ross: So, uh, how's she doing?
Aunt Lillian: The doctor says it's a matter of hours.
Monica: How-how are you, Mom?
Mrs. Geller: Me? I'm fine, fine. I'm glad you're here. ...What's with your hair?
Monica: What?
Mrs. Geller: What's different?
Monica: Nothing.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, maybe that's it.
(Monica strides over to Ross, who is making coffee, and talks to him aside.)
Monica: She is unbelievable, our mother is...
Ross: Okay, relax, relax. We are gonna be here for a while, it looks like, and we still have boyfriends and your career to cover.
Monica: Oh God!
(They hug.)
[Cut to the hospital, later. Everyone is talking about Nana.]
Monica: The fuzzy little mints at the bottom of her purse.
Ross: Oh! ...Yeah, they were gross. Oh, you know what I loved? Her Sweet 'n' Los. How she was always stealing them from- from restaurants.
Mr. Geller: Not just restaurants, from our house.
(The nurse comes out of Nana's room.)
Nurse: Mrs. Geller?
(Everyone stands up. Cut to Ross and Monica in Nana's room.)
Ross: She looks so small.
Monica: I know.
Ross: Well, at least she's with Pop-Pop and Aunt Phyllis now.
Monica: G'bye, Nana. (She kisses her on the forehead.)
Ross: Bye, Nana.
(He goes to kiss her but she moves. Monica screams. Ross shouts and stares in disbelief. Monica runs out of the room.)
Monica: Ross!
(Ross runs out too.)
Mrs. Geller: What is going on?!
Ross: Y'know how-how the nurse said that-that Nana had passed? Well, she's not, quite..
Mrs. Geller: What?
Ross: She's not- past, she's present, she's back.
Aunt Lillian: (reentering) What's going on?
Mr. Geller: She may have died.
Aunt Lillian: She may have died?
Mr. Geller: We're looking into it.
(Monica returns with the nurse and they go into Nana's room.)
Ross: I, uh, I'll go see. (He goes in)
Nurse: This almost never happens!
(Nana passes for the second time and the nurse pulls the blanket over her. Ross and Monica go to tell the family)
Ross: Now she's passed.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, and Rachel are there.]
Chandler: I just have to know, okay. Is it my hair?
Rachel: (exasperated) Yes, Chandler, that's exactly what it is. It's your hair.
Phoebe: Yeah, you have homosexual hair.
(Monica and Ross enter.)
Rachel: So, um, did she...
Ross: Twice.
Joey: Twice?
Phoebe: Oh, that sucks!
Joey: You guys okay?
Ross: I dunno, it's weird. I mean, I know she's gone, but I just don't feel, uh...
Phoebe: Maybe that's 'cause she's not really gone.
Ross: Nono, she's gone.
Monica: We checked. A lot.
Phoebe: Hm, I mean maybe no-one ever really goes. Ever since my mom died, every now and then, I get the feeling that she's like right here, y'know? (She circles her hand around her right shoulder. Chandler, sitting on her right, draws back nervously) Oh! And Debbie, my best friend from junior high- got struck by lightning on a miniature golf course- I always get this really strong Debbie vibe whenever I use one of those little yellow pencils, y'know? ...I miss her.
Rachel: Aw. Hey, Pheebs, want this? (Gives her a pencil)
Phoebe: Thanks!
Rachel: Sure. I just sharpened her this morning.
Joey: Now, see, I don't believe any of that. I think once you're dead, you're dead! You're gone! You're worm food! (realises his tactlessness) ...So Chandler looks gay, huh?
Phoebe: Y'know, I dunno who this is, but it's not Debbie. (Hands back the pencil)
[Scene: Nana's house, Ross, Mrs. Geller and Aunt Lillian are going through clothes.]
Ross: I thought it was gonna be a closed casket.
Mrs. Geller: Well, that doesn't mean she can't look nice!
(They open a cupboard which, amongst other things, contains a chest of drawers)
Mrs. Geller: Sweetie, you think you can get in there?
Ross: (sarcastic) I don't see why not.
(He tries pushing against the chest of drawers. Then he opens one of the drawers and climbs into the closet using that; he falls behind the chest of drawers with a shout.)
Ross: Here's my retainer!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is talking to her father.]
Mr. Geller: I was just thinking. When my time comes-
Monica: Dad!
Mr. Geller: Listen to me! When my time comes, I wanna be buried at sea.
Monica: You what?
Mr. Geller: I wanna be buried at sea, it looks like fun.
Monica: Define fun.
Mr. Geller: C'mon, you'll make a day of it! You'll rent a boat, pack a lunch...
Monica: ...And then we throw your body in the water... Gee, that does sound fun.
Mr. Geller: Everyone thinks they know me. Everyone says 'Jack Geller, so predictable'. Maybe after I'm gone, they'll say 'Buried at sea! Huh!'.
Monica: That's probably what they'll say.
Mr. Geller: I'd like that.
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Shelley is drinking coffee; Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey, gorgeous.
Shelley: (sheepish) Hey. Look, I'm sorry about yesterday, I, um-
Chandler: No, nono, don't- don't worry about it. Believe me, apparently other people have made the same mistake.
Shelley: Oh! Okay! Phew!
Chandler: So, uh... what do you think it is about me?
Shelley: I dunno, uh... you just have a-a...
Chandler: ...Quality, right, great.
Shelley: Y'know, it's a shame, because you and Lowell would've made a great couple.
Chandler: Lowell? Financial Services' Lowell, that's who you saw me with?
Shelley: What? He's cute!
Chandler: Well, yeah... 's'no Brian in Payroll.
Shelley: Is Brian...?
Chandler: No! Uh, I d'know! The point is, if you were gonna set me up with someone, I'd like to think you'd set me up with someone like him.
Shelley: Well, I think Brian's a little out of your league.
Chandler: Excuse me? You don't think I could get a Brian? Because I could get a Brian. Believe you me. ...I'm really not.
[Scene: Nana's Bedroom, Ross is holding a dress out from inside the closet.]
Ross: (holding a dress out from inside the closet) This one?
Aunt Lillian: No.
Ross: I have shown you everything we have. Unless you want your mother to spend eternity in a lemon yellow pant-suit, go with the burgundy.
Aunt Lillian: You know, whatever we pick, she would've told us it's the wrong one.
Mrs. Geller: You're right. We'll go with the burgundy.
Ross: Oh! A fine choice. I'm coming out. (Starts to climb over the furniture)
Aunt Lillian: Wait! We need shoes!
(Ross falls back inside)
Ross: Okay. Um, how about these? (Holds out a pair)
Mrs. Geller: That's really a day shoe.
Ross: And where she's going everyone else'll be dressier?
Aunt Lillian: Could we see something in a slimmer heel?
Ross: (forages around) Okay, I have nothing in an evening shoe in the burgundy. I can show you something in a silver that may work.
Aunt Lillian: No, it really should be burgundy.
Mrs. Geller: Mm. Unless we go with a different dress?
Ross: No! Nonono, wait a sec. I may have something in the back.
(He finds a shoebox (out of shot), pulls it down and opens it. It is full of Sweet 'n' Lo's.)
Ross: Oh my God..
Mrs. Geller: Is everything all right, dear?
Ross: Yeah, just... just Nana stuff.
(He reaches up higher and knocks down another shoebox lid. Sweet 'n' Lo's rain down on him)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are preparing to leave for the funeral.]
Ross: (entering) How we doing, you guys ready?
Monica: Mom already called this morning to remind me not to wear my hair up. Did you know my ears are not my best feature?
Ross: Some days it's all I can think about.
Phoebe: (entering) Hi, sorry I'm late, I couldn't find my bearings.
Rachel: Oh, you-you mean your earrings?
Phoebe: What'd I say?
Rachel: (sticking her foot out) Hm-m.
Monica: Are these the shoes?
Rachel: Yes. Paolo sent them from Italy.
Ross: What, we-uh- we don't have shoes here, or...?
Joey: (entering with Chandler) Morning. We ready to go?
Chandler: Well, don't we look nice all dressed up?...It's stuff like that, isn't it?
(They all leave.)
[Scene: The cemetary, after the funeral.]
Monica: It was a really beautiful service.
Mrs. Geller: It really was. Oh, c'mere, sweetheart. (Hugs her) Y'know, I think it might be time for you to start using night cream.
(Joey listens to his overcoat for a second and sighs, then notices Chandler watching)
Joey: What?
Chandler: Nothing, just your overcoat sounds remarkably like Brent Mussberger.
Joey: Check it out, Giants-Cowboys. (He has a pocket TV)
Chandler: You're watching a football game at a funeral?
Joey: No, it's the pre-game. I'm gonna watch it at the reception.
Chandler: You are a frightening, frightening man.
(Rachel steps in a patch of mud)
Rachel: Oh no! My new Paolo shoes!
Ross: Oh, I hope they're not ruined.
Phoebe: God, what a great day. ...What? Weather-wise!
Ross: I know, uh, the air, the-the trees... even though Nana's gone there's, there's something almost, uh- I dunno, almost life-aff- (Not looking where he is going he falls into an open grave)
All: God! Ross!
Ross: I'm fine. Just-just... having my worst fear realised...
[Scene: The Wake, at the Gellers' house. Ross is lying on his back, with Phoebe squatting over him, checking to see if he's injured.]
Phoebe: Okay, don't worry, I'm just checking to see if the muscle's in spasm...huh.
Ross: What, what is it?
Phoebe: You missed a belt loop.
Ross: Oh! No-n-
Phoebe: Okay, it's in spasm.
Mrs. Geller: Here, sweetie, here. I took these when I had my golfing accident. (Hands Ross a bottle of pills. Then turns to Monica and pats her hair over her ears)
(Cut to Chandler and a woman, Andrea, reaching for the same slice of meat)
Chandler: Oh, no-
Andrea: Sorry- Hi, I'm Dorothy's daughter.
Chandler: Hi, I'm Chandler, and I have no idea who Dorothy is.
(They shake hands. Cut to Ross emerging from a hallway, grinning inanely. He is obviously very stoned)
Phoebe: Hey, look who's up! How do you feel?
Ross: I feel great. I feel- great, I fleel great.
Monica: Wow, those pills really worked, huh?
Ross: Not the first two, but the second two- woooo! ...I love you guys. You guys are the greatest. I love my sister (Kisses Monica), I love Pheebs... (Hugs her)
Phoebe: Ooh! That's so nice...
Ross: ...Chandler!
Chandler: Hey.
Ross: (hugs him) And listen, man, if you wanna be gay, be gay. Doesn't matter to me.
Andrea: (turns to a friend) You were right. (They walk off and leave Chandler.)
Ross: Rachel. Rachel Rachel. (Sits down beside her) I love you the most.
Rachel: (humouring him) Oh, well you know who I love the most?
Ross: No.
Rachel: You!
Ross: Oh.. you don't get it! (Passes out and slumps across her)
(Cut to Joey watching TV in the corner. He makes an extravagant gesture of disappointment.)
Mr. Geller: Whaddya got there?
Joey: (hides the TV, but he still has an earphone) Just a, uh... hearing disability.
Mr. Geller: What's the score?
Joey: Seventeen-fourteen Giants... three minutes to go in the third.
Mr. Geller: Beautiful! (Turns to watch with him)
(Time lapse. A large crowd of men are now watching the game)
Rachel: (still trapped under Ross) Pheebs, could you maybe hand me a cracker?
Mrs. Geller: (to Monica) Your grandmother would have hated this.
Monica: Well, sure, what with it being her funeral and all.
Mrs. Geller: No, I'd be hearing about 'Why didn't I get the honey-glazed ham?', I didn't spend enough on flowers, and if I spent more she'd be saying 'Why are you wasting your money? I don't need flowers, I'm dead'.
Monica: That sounds like Nana.
Mrs. Geller: Do you know what it's like to grow up with someone who is critical of every single thing you say?
Monica: ...I can imagine.
Mrs. Geller: I'm telling you, it's a wonder your mother turned out to be the positive, life-affirming person that she is.
Monica: That is a wonder. So tell me something, Mom. If you had to do it all over again, I mean, if she was here right now, would you tell her?
Mrs. Geller: Tell her what?
Monica: How she drove you crazy, picking on every little detail, like your hair... for example.
Mrs. Geller: I'm not sure I know what you're getting at.
Monica: Do you think things would have been better if you'd just told her the truth?
Mrs. Geller: ...No. I think some things are better left unsaid. I think it's nicer when people just get along.
Monica: Huh.
Mrs. Geller: More wine, dear?
Monica: Oh, I think so.
Mrs. Geller: (reaches out to fiddle with Monica's hair again, and realises) Those earrings look really lovely on you.
Monica: Thank you. They're yours.
Mrs. Geller: Actually they were Nana's.
(There is a cry of disappointment from the crowd of men.)
Mr. Geller: Now I'm depressed! ...(To everyone) Even more than I was.
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang are looking at old photos.]
Rachel: Hey, who's this little naked guy?
Ross: That little naked guy would be me.
Rachel: Aww, look at the little thing.
Ross: Yes, yes, fine, that is my penis. Can we be grown-ups now?
Chandler: Who are those people?
Ross: Got me.
Monica: Oh, that's Nana, right there in the middle. (Reads the back) 'Me and the gang at Java Joe's'.
Rachel: Wow, Monica, you look just like your grandmother. How old was she there?
Monica: Let's see, 1939... yeah, 24, 25?
Ross: Looks like a fun gang. (They all look at each other and smile)
Joey: Ooh, look-look-look-look-look! I got Monica naked!
Ross: (looking) Nono, that would be me again. I'm, uh, just trying something.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break as Lowell enters.]
Chandler: Hey, Lowell.
Lowell: Hey, Chandler.
Chandler: So how's it going there in Financial Services?
Lowell: It's like Mardi Gras without the paper mache heads. How 'bout you?
Chandler: Good, good. Listen, heh, I dunno what Shelley told you about me, but, uh... I'm not.
Lowell: I know. That's what I told her.
Chandler: Really.
Lowell: Yeah.
Chandler: So- you can tell?
Lowell: Pretty much, most of the time. We have a kind of... radar.
Chandler: So you don't think I have a, a quality?
Lowell: Speaking for my people, I'd have to say no. By the way, your friend Brian from Payroll, he is.
Chandler: He is?
Lowell: Yup, and waaay out of your league. (Exits)
Chandler: Out of my league. I could get a Brian. (Brian enters behind him) If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian. (Sees him) Hey, Brian.

[script] Friends 1-7 the Blackout

2009-04-10T04:41:00.000-07:00

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is introducing Phoebe, who is playing her guitar for the crowd.]
Rachel: Everybody? Shh, shhh. Uhhh... Central Perk is proud to present the music of Miss Phoebe Buffay.
(applause)
Phoebe: Hi. Um, I want to start with a song thats about that moment when you suddenly realize what life is all about. OK, here we go. (plays a chord, then the lights go out) OK, thank you very much.
[Scene: The ATM vestibule of a bank, Chandler is inside. The lights go out, and he realizes he is trapped inside.]
Chandler: Oh, great. This is just...
(Chandler sees that there is a gorgeous model inside the vestibule with him. He makes a gesture of quiet exuberance.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone with her mother. Phoebe, Rachel, and Ross are there.]
Rachel: Wow, this is so cool, you guys. The entire city is blacked out!
Monica: Mom says it's all of Manhattan, parts of Brooklyn and Queens, and they have no idea when it's coming back on.
Rachel: Wow, you guys, this is big.
Monica: (into phone) Pants and a sweater? Why, mom? Who am I gonna meet in a blackout? Power company guys? Eligible looters? Could we talk about this later? OK. (hangs up)
Phoebe: Can I borrow the phone? I want to call my apartment and check on my grandma. (to Monica) What's my number?
(Monica and Rachel look at Phoebe strangely.)
Phoebe: Well, I never call me.
[Scene: ATM vestibule, Jill Goodacre is on the cellular phone. Chandler's thoughts are in italics.]
Chandler: Oh my God, it's that Victoria's Secret model. Something... something Goodacre.
Jill: (on phone) Hi Mom, it's Jill.
Chandler: She's right, it's Jill. Jill Goodacre. Oh my God. I am trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! (pause) Is it a vestibule? Maybe it's an atrium. Oh, yeah, that is the part to focus on, you idiot!
Jill: (on phone) Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just stuck at the bank, in an ATM vestibule.
Chandler: Jill says vestibule... I'm going with vestibule.
Jill: (on phone) I'm fine. No, I'm not alone... I don't know, some guy.
Chandler: Oh! Some guy. Some guy. 'Hey Jill, I saw you with some guy last night. Yes, he was some guy.
(Chandler strides proudly across the vestibule and Jill stares at him.)
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Joey enters with a menorah, the candles lit.]
Joey: Hi everyone.
Ross: And officiating at tonight's blackout, is Rabbi Tribbiani.
Joey: Well, Chandler's old roomate was Jewish, and these are the only candles we have, so... Happy Chanukah, everyone.
Phoebe: (at window) Eww, look. Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of candles.
(They all look at the window, grossed out, then flinch in pain.)
Rachel: That had to hurt!
[Scene: ATM vestibule.]
Chandler: Alright, alright, alright. It's been fourteen and a half minutes and you still have not said one word. Oh God, do something. Just make contact, smile!
(Chandler smiles at her, she smiles back sweetly.)
Chandler: There you go!
(He continues to smile like an idiot, and she looks frightened.)
Chandler: You're definitely scaring here.
Jill: (awkwardly) Would you like to call somebody? (offering phone)
Chandler: Yeah, about 300 guys I went to high school with. Yeah, thanks. (takes phone)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The phone rings; it's Chandler.]
Monica: Hello?
Chandler: Hey, it's me.
Monica: (to everyone) It's Chandler! (on phone) Are you OK?
Chandler: Yeah, I'm fine. (trying to cover up what he is saying) I'm trppd in an ATM vstbl wth Jll Gdcr.
Monica: What?
Chandler: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth Jll Gdcr!
Monica: I have no idea what you just said.
Chandler: (angry) Put Joey on the phone.
Joey: What's up man?
Chandler: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth JLL GDCR.
Joey: (to everyone) Oh my God! He's trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! (on phone) Chandler, listen. (says something intentionally garbled)
Chandler: Yeah, like that thought never entered my mind.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time has passed. The five are sitting around the coffee table talking.]
Rachel: Alright, somebody.
Monica: OK, I'll go. OK, senior year of college... on a pool table.
All: Whoooaa!
Ross: That's my sister.
Joey: OK... my weirdest place would have to be... the women's room on the second floor of the New York CIty public library.
Monica: Oh my God! What were you doing in a library?
Ross: Pheebs, what about you?
Phoebe: Oh... Milwaukee.
Rachel: Um... Ross?
Ross: Disneyland, 1989, 'It's a Small World After All.'
All: No way!
Ross: The ride broke down. So, Carol and I went behind a couple of those mechanical Dutch children... then they fixed the ride, and we were asked never to return to the Magic Kingdom.
Phoebe: Oh, Rachel.
Rachel: Oh come on, I already went.
Monica: You did not go!
All: Come on.
Rachel: Oh, alright. The weirdest place would have to be... (sigh)... oh, the foot of the bed.
Ross: Step back.
Joey: We have a winner!
[Time lapse, Ross and Rachel are talking, Joey is on the couch, and Monica and Phoebe are out of the room.]
Rachel: I just never had a relationship with that kind of passion, you know, where you have to have somebody right there, in the middle of a theme park.
Ross: Well, it was the only thing to do there that didn't have a line.
Rachel: There, well, see? Barry wouldn't even kiss me on a miniature golf course.
Ross: Come on.
Rachel: No, he said we were holding up the people behind us.
Ross: (sarcastically) And you didn't marry him because...?
Rachel: I mean, do you think there are people who go through life never having that kind of...
Ross: Probably. But you know, I'll tell you something. Passion is way overrated.
Rachel: Yeah right.
Ross: It is. Eventually, it kind of... burns out. But hopefully, what you're left with is trust, and security, and... well, in the case of my ex-wife, lesbianism. So, you know, for all of those people who miss out on that passion... thing, there's all that other good stuff.
Rachel: (sigh) OK.
Ross: But, um... I don't think that's going to be you.
Rachel: You don't.
Ross: Uh-uh. See, I see.... big passion in your future.
Rachel: Really?
Ross: Mmmm.
Rachel: You do?
Ross: I do.
Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great. (she playfully rubs his head and gets up)
(Ross gets up, pleased with himself.)
Joey: It's never gonna happen.
Ross: (innocently) What?
Joey: You and Rachel.
Ross: (acts surprised) What? (pause) Why not?
Joey: Because you waited too long to make your move, and now you're in the friend zone.
Ross: No, no, no. I'm not in the zone.
Joey: Ross, you're mayor of the zone.
Ross: I'm taking my time, alright? I'm laying the groundwork. Yeah. I mean, every day I get just a little bit closer to...
Joey: Priesthood! Look Ross, I'm telling you, she has no idea what you're thinking. If you don't ask her out soon you're going to end up stuck in the zone forever.
Ross: I will, I will. See, I'm waiting for the right moment. (Joey looks at him) What? What, now?
Joey: Yeeeeaaaahhh! What's messing you up? The wine? The candles? The moonlight? You've just got to go up to her and say, 'Rachel, I think that...' (Rachel comes into the room behind them)
Ross: Shhhh!
Rachel: What are you shushing?
Ross: We're shushing... because... we're trying to hear something. Listen. (everyone is silent) Don't you hear that?
Rachel: Ahhhh!
Ross: See?
Rachel: Huh. (she agrees, but looks very confused)
[Scene: ATM vestibule.]
Jill: Would you like some gum?
Chandler: Um, is it sugarless?
Jill: (checks) Sorry, it's not.
Chandler: Oh, then no thanks. What the hell was that? Mental note: If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it.
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Phoebe is singing.]
Phoebe: (singing) New York City has no power, and the milk is getting sour. But to me it is not scary, 'cause I stay away from dairy.... la la la, la la, la la... (she writes the lyrics down)
Ross: (to Joey) OK, here goes.
Joey: Are you going to do it?
Ross: I'm going to do it.
Joey: Do you want any help?
Ross: You come out there, you're a dead man.
Joey: Good luck, man.
Ross: Thanks. (Joey hugs him) OK.
Joey: OK. (Ross goes out on the balcony to talk to Rachel)
(Monica walks in, starts to go out on the balcony.)
Joey: Hey, where are you going?
Monica: Outside.
Joey: You can't go out there.
Monica: Why not?
Joey: Because of... the reason.
Monica: And that would be?
Joey: I, um, can't tell you.
Monica: Joey, what's going on?
Joey: OK, you've got to promise that you'll never, ever tell Ross that I told you.
Monica: About what?
Joey: He's planning your birthday party.
Monica: Oh my God! I love him!
Joey: (as Phoebe enters) You'd better act surprised.
Phoebe: About what?
Monica: My surprise party!
Phoebe: What surprise party?
Monica: Oh stop it. Joey already told me.
Phoebe: Well, he didn't tell me.
Joey: Hey, don't look at me. This is Ross's thing.
Phoebe: This is so typical. I'm always the last one to know everything.
Monica: No, you are not. We tell you stuff.
Phoebe: Yuh-huh! I was the last one to know when Chandler got bitten by the peacock at the zoo. I was the last one to know when you had a crush on Joey when he was moving in. (Monica gestures at Phoebe to shut up; Joey looks surprised but pleased) Looks like I was second to last.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Ross and Rachel are talking.]
Rachel: Hmmm... this is so nice.
Ross: OK, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not so much a question as.. more of a general wondering... ment.
Rachel: OK.
Ross: OK. Here goes. For a while now, I've been wanting to, um....
Rachel: Ohhh!!!! (looking at something behind Ross)
Ross: Yes, yes, that's right...
Rachel: Oh, look at the little cat! (a small kitten is on the roof behind Ross)
Ross: What? (the cat jumps on his shoulders) Ow!
[Cut to inside. Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing while outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off of Ross' shoulder.]
Monica, Joey, and Phoebe: (singing) I'm on top of the world, looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find, is the wonders I've found ever since...
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is holding the cat, Monica is treating the scratches on Ross' back. Joey is holding the menorah over the wound.]
Monica: (to Ross) This is just Bactine. It won't hurt.
(Ross flinches in pain.)
Joey: Sorry, that was wax.
Phoebe: Oh, poor little Tooty is scared to death. We should find his owner.
Ross: Why don't we just put 'poor little Tooty' out in the hall?
Rachel: During a blackout? He'd get trampled!
Ross: (nonchalantly) Yeah?
[Scene: ATM vestibule.]
Chandler: You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. (Jill gives him a stick of gum, and a strange look) 'Gum would be perfection'? 'Gum would be perfection.' Could have said 'gum would be nice,' or 'I'll have a stick,' but no, no, no, no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.
[Scene: The hallway of Monica's building. Phoebe and Rachel are trying to find the cat's owner.]
Phoebe: (stops at a door) Oh no, the Mendels, they hate all living things, right?
Rachel: Oh. (they knock at the next door, Mr. Heckles answers) Hi. We just found this cat and we're looking for the owner.
Mr. Heckles: Er, yeah, it's mine.
Phoebe: (trying to hold back the struggling cat) He seems to hate you. Are you sure?
Mr. Heckles: Yeah, it's my cat. Give me my cat.
Phoebe: Wait a minute. What's his name?
Mr. Heckles: Ehhhh... B-Buttons.
Rachel: Bob Buttons?
Mr. Heckles: Mmm. Bob Buttons. Here, Bob Buttons.
Phoebe: (the cat runs away from her) Oooh! You are a very bad man!
Mr. Heckles: (as Phoebe and Rachel leave) You owe me a cat.
[Scene: Rachel has gone off on her own to look for the cat's owner.]
Rachel: Here, kitty-kitty. Here kitty-kitty. Where did you go, little kitty-kitty-kitty? Here kitty-kitty-kitty-kitty...
(While looking at the floor for the cat, Rachel runs into a pair of legs. She slowly gets up and sees a gorgeous Italian hunk holding the cat. Who, by the way, you'll hate very, very soon. The man. Not the cat.)
Paolo: (something Italian)
Rachel: Wow. (she exhales in amazement, blowing the candle out)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Monica, and Joey are playing Monopoly.]
Ross: (rolling) Lucky sixes....
Rachel: (entering with Paolo, arm in arm) Everybody, this is Paolo. Paolo, I want you to meet my friends. This is Monica.
Monica: (smitten) Hi!
Rachel: And Joey....
Monica: Hi!
Rachel: And Ross.
Monica: Hi!
Paolo: (something in Italian)
Rachel: (proudly) He doesn't speak much English.
Paolo: (pointing at game) Monopoly!
Rachel: Look at that!
Ross: (jealous) So, um... where did Paolo come from?
Rachel: Oh... Italy, I think.
Ross: No, I mean tonight, in the building. Suddenly. Into our lives.
Rachel: Well, the cat... the cat turned out to be Paolo's cat!
Ross: That, that is funny... (to Joey).... and Rachel keeps touching him.
(Phoebe enters.)
Phoebe: Alright. I looked all over the building and I couldn't find the kitty anywhere.
Rachel: Oh, I found him. He was Paolo's cat.
Phoebe: Ah! Well! There you go! Last to know again! And I'm guessing... since nobody told me... this is Paolo.
Rachel: Ah, Paolo, this is Phoebe.
Paolo: (something in Italian, he is apparently attracted to Phoebe)
Phoebe: (smiling) You betcha!
[Scene: ATM vestibule.]
Chandler: (chewing gum) Ah, let's see. What next? Blow a bubble. A bubble's good. It's got a... boyish charm, it's impish. Here we go.
(Chandler waits until Jill is looking, then starts to blow a bubble. But instead of blow one, he accidentally spits the gum out of his mouth and hits the wall.)
Chandler: Nice going, imp. OK, it's OK. All I need to do is reach over and put it in my mouth. (Chandler slyly grabs the gum from the wall and slides it back in his mouth.)
Chandler: Good save! We're back on track, and I'm... (grimacing) ..chewing someone else's gum. This is not my gum. Oh my God! Oh my God! And now you're choking.
(Chandler starts to choke.)
Jill: Are you alright?
(Chandler tries to save face and makes the 'OK' sign with his hands, while obviously unable to breathe.)
Jill: My God, you're choking! (she runs over and gives him the Heimlich, the gum flies from his mouth) That better?
Chandler: (gasping) Yes... thank you. That was... that was....
Jill: Perfection?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Paolo are at the window. Ross and Joey are watching disgustedly.]
Paolo: (something romantic in Italian about Rachel and the stars)
Ross: (mocking Paolo) Blah blah blah, blah blah blah... blah blaaaaaah....
(Rachel walks away from Paolo, laughing.)
Ross: Wha-What did he say that was so funny?
Rachel: I have absolutely no idea.
Ross: That's... that's classic.
Rachel: (to Monica and Phoebe) Oh my God, you guys, what am I doing? What am I doing? This is so un-me!
Monica: If you want, I'll do it.
(Ross looks at Joey.)
Phoebe: I know, I just want to bite his bottom lip. (Rachel looks at her) But I won't.
Rachel: God, the first time he smiled at me... those three seconds were more exciting than three weeks in Bermuda with Barry.
Phoebe: You know, did you ride mopeds? 'Cause I've heard... (they stare at her)... oh, I see... it's not about that right now. OK.
Rachel: Y'know, I know it's totally superficial and we have absolutely nothing in common, and we don't even speak the same language but Goooooooddddddd....
[Cut to the other side of the apartment, Ross has gone over to straighten things out with Paolo.]
Ross: Paolo. Hi.
Paolo: Ross!
(Ross notices that Paolo is standing on a step, which makes him taller. Ross gets up on the same step so he can look down at Paolo.)
Ross: Listen. Um, listen. Something you should... know... um, Rachel and I... we're kind of a thing.
Paolo: Thing?
Ross: Thing, yes. Thing.
Paolo: Ah, you... have the sex?
Ross: No, no, no. Technically the... sex is not... being had, but that's... see, that's not the point. See, um, the point is that... Rachel and I should be, er, together. You know, and if you get in the.... um...
Paolo: Bed?
Ross: No, no, that's not where I was going. Er, if you get in the... way, of us becoming a thing, then I would be, well, very sad.
Paolo: Oh!
Ross: Yeah! Se vice?
Paolo: Si.
Ross: So you do know a little English.
Paolo: Poco... a leetle.
Ross: Do you know the word crapweasel?
Paolo: No.
Ross: That's funny, because you know, you are a huge crapweasel!
(They hug.)
[Scene: ATM vestibule, Chandler and Jill are sitting below the counter with two pens dangling from their chains in front of them. Jill is showing Chandler how to swing the pen around his head.]
Jill: Chandler, we've been here for an hour doing this! Now watch, it's easy.
Chandler: OK.
Jill: Ready? (she swings the pen around her head in a circle)
(Chandler tries to do the same thing but the pen hits him in the head.)
Jill: No, you've got to whip it.
(He swings the pen hard, and it snaps back and almost hits him again.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is all sitting around the table.]
Phoebe: Oh, look look look. The last candle's about to burn out. 10, 9, 8, 7... (time lapse)... negative 46, negative 47, negative 48.... (someone blows it out, the room gets completely dark)
Ross: Thank you.
Phoebe: Thanks.
Ross: Kinda... spooky without any lights.
Joey: (does a maniacal laugh) Bwah-hah-hah!
(Everyone starts to imitate him.)
Ross: OK, guys, guys? I have the definitive one. Mwwwooooo-hah-hah...
(The lights come back on, and Rachel and Paolo are making out. Ross clutches his chest.)
Ross: Oh.. oh... oh.
Joey: Hey Ross. This probably isn't the best time to bring it up, but you have to throw a party for Monica.
Closing Credits
[Scene: ATM vestibule, the power has come back on.]
Jill: Well, this has been fun.
Chandler: Yes. Yes, thanks for letting me use your phone... and for saving my life.
Jill: Well, goodbye Chandler. I had a great blackout. (she kisses him on the cheek) See ya.
(She leaves. Chandler presses his face to the glass door after her, stroking the window lovingly. He then turns to the security camera and starts talking to it.)
Chandler: Hi, um, I'm account number 7143457. And, uh, I don't know if you got any of that, but I would really like a copy of the tape.

[script] Friends 1-6 the Butt

2009-04-10T04:40:00.000-07:00

[Scene: A Theater, the gang is in the audience wating for a play of Joey's to start.]
Rachel: (reading the program) Ooh! Look! Look! Look! Look, there's Joey's picture! This is so exciting!
Chandler: You can always spot someone who's never seen one of his plays before. Notice, no fear, no sense of impending doom...
Phoebe: The exclamation point in the title scares me. (Gesturing) Y'know, it's not just Freud, it's Freud!
(The lights dim.)
Ross: Oh, shhh, shh. Magic is about to happen.
(The lights go up on the stage, Joey, as Freud, is talking to a female patient.)
Joey: Vell, Eva, ve've done some excellent vork here, and I vould have to say, your pwoblem is qviiite clear. (He goes into a song and dance number.)
All you want is a dingle,What you envy's a schwang,A thing through which you can tinkle,Or play with, or simply let hang...
Opening Credits
[Scene: The Theater, the play has ended and everyone is applauding. As soon as the cast leaves, the gang all groan and sit down heavily.]
Rachel: God. I feel violated.
Monica: Did anybody else feel they just wanted to peel the skin off their body, to have something else to do?
Chandler: (staring at a woman across the room) Ross, ten o'clock.
Ross: Is it? Feels like two.
Chandler: No, ten o'clock.
Ross: What?
Chandler: (sighs and gestures to explain) There's a beautiful woman at eight, nine, ten o'clock!
Ross: Oh. Hel-lo!
Chandler: She's amazing! She makes the women that I dream about look like short, fat, bald men!
Monica: Well, go over to her! She's not with anyone.
Chandler: Oh yeah, and what would my opening line be? 'Excuse me. Blarrglarrghh.'
Rachel: Oh, c'mon. She's a person, you can do it!
Chandler: Oh please, could she be more out of my league? Ross, back me up here.
Ross: He could never get a woman like that in a million years.
Chandler: Thank you, buddy.
Phoebe: Oh, oh, but y'know, you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys, you could be one of those guys.
Monica: You could do that!
Chandler: Y'think?
All: Yeah!
Chandler: Oh God, I can't believe I'm even considering this... I'm very very aware of my tongue...
Ross: C'mon! C'mon!
Chandler: Here goes. (He walks over to her but just stands there.)
Aurora: ...Yes?
Chandler: Hi.... um... okay, next word... would be... Chandler! Chandler is my name, and, uh...(He clears his throat noisily)...hi.
Aurora: Yes, you said that.
Chandler: Yes, yes I did, but what I didn't say was what I was about to say, what I wanted to say was, uh... would you like to go out with me sometime, thankyou, goodnight. (He walks back to the others but she calls him back.)
Aurora: Chandler?
(Joey enters from behind a curtain. The others all talk at once.)
All: Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard!
Joey: Whadja think?
(Pause)
All: ...Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard!
Joey: C'mon, you guys, it wasn't that bad. It was better than that thing I did with the trolls, at least you got to see my head.
All: (admitting) Saw your head. Saw your head.
Chandler: (running back) She said yes!! She said yes!! (To Joey) Awful play, man. Whoah. (To All) Her name's Aurora, and she's Italian, and she pronounces my name 'Chand-lrr'. 'Chand-lrr'. I think I like it better that way. (To Joey) Oh, listen, the usher gave me this to give to you. (He fishes a card out of his pocket.)
Rachel: What is it?
Joey: The Estelle Leonard Talent Agency. Wow, an agency left me its card! Maybe they wanna sign me!
Phoebe: Based on this play? ...Based on this play!
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone else is there as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey, kids.
All: Hey.
Phoebe: (reading Monica's palm) No, 'cause this line is passion, and this is... just a line.
Chandler: Well, I can't believe I've been here almost seven seconds and you haven't asked me how my date went.
Monica: Oh, right, right. How was your date, 'Chand-lrr'?
Chandler: It was unbelievable. I-I've never met anyone like her. She's had the most amazing life! She was in the Israeli army...
(A flashback of Aurora and Chandler on their date in Central Perk is denoted by italics.)
Aurora: ...Luckily none of the bullets hit the engine block. So, we made it to the border, but just barely, and I- ...I've been talking about myself all night long, I'm sorry. What about you? Tell me one of your stories.
Chandler: Alright. Once I got on the subway, right, and it was at night, and I rode it all the way to Brooklyn... just for the hell of it.
Chandler: We talked 'til like two. It was this perfect evening... more or less.
Aurora: ...All of a sudden we realised we were in Yammon.
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, so 'we' is?
Aurora: 'We' would be me and Rick.
Joey: Who's Rick?
Chandler: Who's Rick?
Aurora: My husband.
All: Ooooohhh.
Chandler: Oh, so you're divorced?
Aurora: No.
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, then you're widowed?...Hopefully?
Aurora: No, I'm still married.
Chandler: So tell me, how do- how do you think your husband would feel about you sitting here with me?...Sliding your foot so far up my pant leg you can count the change in my pocket?
Aurora: Don't worry. I imagine he'd be okay with you because really, he's okay with Ethan.
Chandler: Ethan? There's, there's an Ethan?
Aurora: Mmmm... Ethan is my... boyfriend.
All: What?!
Chandler: So explain something to me here, uh, what kind of a relationship do you imagine us having if you already have a husband and a boyfriend?
Aurora: I suppose mainly sexual.
Chandler: ...Hm.
Monica: Oh. I'm sorry it didn't work out.
Chandler: What 'not work out'? I'm seeing her again on Thursday. Didn't you listen to the story?
Monica: Didn't you listen to the story? I mean, this is twisted! How could you get involved with a woman like this?
Chandler: Well, y'know, I had some trouble with it at first too, but the way I look at it is, I get all the good stuff: all the fun, all the talking, all the sex; and none of the responsibility. I mean, this is every guy's fantasy!
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. That is not true. Ross, is this your fantasy?
Ross: No, of course not! (Thinks) ...Yeah, yeah, it is.
Monica: What? So you guys don't mind going out with someone else who's going out with someone else?
Joey: I couldn't do it.
Monica: Good for you, Joey.
Joey: When I'm with a woman, I need to know that I'm going out with more people than she is.
Ross: Well, y'know, monogamy can be a, uh, tricky concept. I mean, anthropologically speaking-
(They all pretend to fall asleep.)
Ross: Fine. Fine, alright, now you'll never know.
Monica: We're kidding. C'mon, tell us!
All: Yeah! C'mon!
Ross: Alright. There's a theory, put forth by Richard Leakey-
(They all fall asleep again.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is there as enter except Joey enter.]
Rachel: Tah-daaah!
Chandler: Are we greeting each other this way now? 'Cause I like that.
Rachel: Look! I cleaned! I did the windows, I did the floors... I even used all the attachments on the vacuum, except that little round one with the bristles, I don't know what that's for.
Ross: Oh yeah, nobody knows. And we're not supposed to ask.
Rachel: Well, whaddya think?
All: Very clean! It looks great! Terrific!
Monica: ...Oh! I-I see you moved the green ottoman.
All: Uh-oh...
Monica: How-how did that happen?
Rachel: I dunno.. I-I thought it looked better there. And I- and also, it's an extra seat around the coffee table.
Monica: Yeah, yeah, it's interesting.. but y'know what? Just for fun, let's see what it looked like in the old spot. (She moves it.) Alright, just to compare. Let's see. Well, it looks good there too. Let's just leave it there for a while.
Phoebe: (to Rachel) I can't believe you tried to move the green ottoman.
Chandler: Thank God you didn't try to fan out the magazines. I mean, she'll scratch your eyes right out.
Monica: You guys, I am not that bad!
Phoebe: Yeah, you are, Monica. Remember when I lived with you? You were like, a little, y'know, (psycho) Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree!
Monica: That is so unfair!
Ross: Oh c'mon! When we were kids, yours was the only Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy!
Monica: Okay, so I'm responsible, I'm organised. But hey, I can be a kook.
Ross: Alright, you madcap gal. Try to imagine this. The phone bill arrives, but you don't pay it right away.
Monica: Why not?
Ross: Because you're a kook! Instead you wait until they send you a notice.
Monica: I could do that.
Rachel: Okay, uh, you let me go grocery shopping, and I buy laundry detergent, but it's not the one with the easy-pour spout.
Monica: Why would someone do that?! ...One might wonder.
Chandler: Someone's left a glass on the coffee table. There's no coaster. It's a cold drink, it's a hot day. Little beads of condensation are inching their way closer and closer to the surface of the wood...
Monica: STOP IT!! ...Oh my God. It's true! Who am I?
Ross: Monica? You're Mom.
(Monica gasps.)
Phoebe: Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree!
(Joey enters and he's on the phone.)
Joey: (on phone) Uh huh.. uh huh... oh my God! Okay! Okay, I'll be there! (He hangs up and to all.) That was my agent. (He tosses and catches the phone.) My agent has just gotten me a job...in the new Al Pacino movie!
All: Oh my God! Whoah!
Monica: Well, what's the part?
Joey: Can you believe this? Al Pacino! This guy's the reason I became an actor! "I'm out of order? Pfeeeh. You're out of order! This whole courtroom's out of order!"
Phoebe: Seriously, what-what's the part?
Joey: "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!"
Ross: C'mon, seriously, Joey, what's the part?
Joey: ...I'm his (mumbles)
Rachel: ..You're, you're 'mah mah mah' what?
Joey: ...I'm his butt double. 'Kay? I play Al Pacino's butt. Alright? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt.
Monica: (trying not to laugh) Oh my God.
Joey: C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it, and that's big!
Chandler: Oh no, it's terrific, it's... it's... y'know, you deserve this, after all your years of struggling, you've finally been able to crack your way into showbusiness.
Joey: Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a big break for me!
Ross: You're right, you're right, it is...So you gonna invite us all to the big opening?
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Monica is getting the door.]
Monica: Alright, alright, alright...
(Joey enters with Monica's paper and hands it to her.)
Joey: Here. I need to borrow some moisturizer.
Monica: For what?
Joey: Whaddya think? Today's the big day!
Monica: Oh my God. Okay, go into the bathroom, use whatever you want, just don't ever tell me what you did in there.
Joey: Thank you! (He goes into the bathroom.)
(Chandler enters with the phone.)
Chandler: Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone.
Monica: He's in the bathroom. I don't think you wanna go in there!
Chandler: C'mon, we're roommates! (He goes into the bathroom, screams, and runs back out.) My eyes!! My eyes!!
Monica: I warned you...
(Rachel enters from her room.)
Rachel: Who is being loud?
Chandler: Oh, that would be Monica. Hey, listen, I wanna borrow a coupla things, Aurora spent the night, I really wanna make her breakfast.
Monica: Oh, you got the whole night, huh?
Chandler: Yeah, well, I only have twenty minutes until Ethan, so, y'know.. (He starts to raid the fridge.)
Rachel: Ooh, do I sense a little bit of resentment?
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.)
Monica: Sure. Oh, um, Chandler? Y'know, the-the old Monica would-would remind you to scrub that Teflon pan with a plastic brush...But I'm not gonna do that.
(She opens the door and he leaves.)
[Scene: A Film Set, Joey is entering for his scene.]
Director: (on phone)...Dammit, hire the girl! (He hangs up the phone.) Okay, everybody ready?
Joey: Uh, listen, I just wanna thank you for this great opportunity.
Director: Lose the robe.
Joey: Me?
Director: That would work.
Joey: Right. Okay. Losing the robe. (He takes off the robe.) And the robe is lost.
Director: Okay, everybody, we'd like to get this in one take, please. Let's roll it.. water's working (The shower starts).. and... action.
(Joey starts to the shower with a grim, determined look on his face.)
Director: And cut. Hey, Butt Guy, what the hell are you doing?
Joey: Well, I'm- I'm showering.
Director: No, that was clenching.
Joey: Oh. Well, the way I see it, the guy's upset here, y'know? I mean, his wife's dead, his brother's missing... I think his butt would be angry here.
Director: I think his butt would like to get this shot before lunch. Once again, rolling... water working... and action....and cut. What was that?
Joey: I was going for quiet desperation. But if you have to ask...
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Aurora and Chandler are in bed in Chandler's room.]
Chandler: God, I love these fingers...
Aurora: Thank you.
Chandler: No, actually I meant my fingers. Look at 'em, look at how happy they are.
Aurora: (moves Chandler's arm and look at his watch.) Oh my God, I'm late. (She starts to get up.)
Chandler: Oh no nonononononnononono, don't go.. (He kisses her and pulls her back down.)
Aurora: Okay.
Chandler: Don't go.
Aurora: Okay. Oh no, I have to.
Chandler: (to himself) Too bad, she's leaving.
Aurora: (getting up and dressing) I'm sorry. He'll be waiting for me.
Chandler: Well, I thought- I thought you talked to Rick.
Aurora: It's not Rick.
Chandler: What, Ethan? He got to spend the whole day with you!
Aurora: No, it's-it's Andrew.
Chandler: I know there'll be many moments in the years to come when I'll regret asking the following question, but- And Andrew is?
Aurora: He's... new.
Chandler: Oh, so what you're saying is you're not completely fulfilled by Rick, Ethan and myself?
Aurora: No, that's not exactly what I was..
Chandler: Well, y'know, most women would kill for three guys like us.
Aurora: So what do you want?
Chandler: You.
Aurora: You have me!
Chandler: Nono, just you.
Aurora: Whaddyou mean?
Chandler: Lose the other guys.
Aurora: ...Like, ...all of them?
Chandler: C'mon, we're great together, why not?
Aurora: Why can't we just have what we have now? Why can't we just talk, and laugh, and make love, without feeling obligated to one another... and up until tonight I thought that's what you wanted too.
Chandler: ...Well, y'know, part of me wants that, but it's like I'm two guys, y'know? I mean, one guy's going 'Shut up! This is great!' But there's this other guy. Actually it's the same guy that wells up every time that Grinch's heart grows three sizes and breaks that measuring device... And he's saying, y'know, 'This is too hard! Get out! Get out!'
Aurora: So... which one of the two guys will you listen to?
Chandler: I don't know, I-I have to listen to both of them, they don't exactly let each other finish...
Aurora: Which one?
Chandler: ...The second guy.
Aurora: (gets up to leave) Well, call me if you change your mind.
(She kisses him, he holds her, and kisses her passionately.)
Chandler: Sorry, the first guy runs the lips.
(She leaves, Chandler sighs, and falls back on his bed.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is trying to comfort Chandler. Joey is absent.]
Ross: Look at it this way: you dumped her. Right? I mean, this woman was unbelievably sexy, and beautiful, intelligent, unattainable... Tell me why you did this again?
(Joey enters.)
All: Hey!
Monica: Hey, waitwait, aren't you the guy that plays the butt in the new Al Pacino movie?
Joey: Nope.
Ross: No? What happened, big guy?
Chandler: (to Ross) "Big guy?"
Ross: It felt like a 'big guy' moment.
Joey: I got fired.
All: Oh!
Joey: Yeah, they said I acted too much with it. I told everybody about this! Now everybody's gonna go to the theatre, expecting to see me, and...
Rachel: Oh, Joey, you know what, no-one is gonna be able to tell.
Joey: My mom will.
Chandler: Something so sweet and...disturbing about that.
Joey: Y'know, I've done nothing but crappy plays for six years. And I finally get my shot, and I blow it!
Monica: Maybe this wasn't your shot.
Ross: Yeah, I mean... I think when it's your shot, y'know, you-you know it's your shot. Did it... feel like your shot..?
Joey: Hard to tell, I was naked.
Phoebe: No, I don't think this was your shot. I mean, I don't even think you just get one shot. I really believe big things are gonna happen for you, I do! You've gotta just keep thinking about the day that some kid is gonna run up to his friends and go 'I got the part! I got the part! I'm gonna be Joey Tribbiani's ass!'.
Joey: Yeah? That's so nice! (They hug.)
(Ross and Chandler look at each other and hug as well.)
Monica: I'm sorry, Joey. I'm gonna go to bed, guys.
All: Night.
Rachel: Uh, Mon, you-you gonna leave your shoes out here?
Monica: (determined) Uh-huh!
Rachel: Really? Just casually strewn about in that reckless haphazard manner?
Monica: Doesn't matter, I'll get 'em tomorrow. Or not. Whenever. (He goes to her room.)
Ross: She is a kook.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica's Bedroom, she's lying in bed wide awake.]
Monica: (hums for a while, then gives up, and in her head) If it bothers you that much, just go out and get the shoes. No. Don't do this. This is stupid! I don't have to prove anything, I'm gonna go get them...But then everyone will know. Unless I get them, and then wake up really early and put them back! ...I need help! (She buries her head in her pillow.)

[Week6] Plan your days (years) to achieve your goal.

2009-04-07T00:16:00.000-07:00

▶ Plan your days (years) to achieve your goal. Set up your career goal first and then design your life (study) plan for the coming 2018, 2013, and this year.

My future goal is to become an independent and unbiased international civil servant.

This year
My first main study plan of this year is to improve my English skill, as I describe in the journal of the 5th week. In this coming summer vacation, I want to volunteer to help Korean students from abroad, introducing Seoul, help them learn Korean. And I am going to join the English camp as the assistant teacher. I can earn money by work as assistant teacher!
At usual time, I will watch dramas without subtitle, and try to memorize all the expression that used in the drama. One more thing. I will memorize 'President Address' of Bush's and Obama's. It will help me to use high level of English freely.

2013
when I become 23, the last year of my university life, I want to work as internship at UNESCO or UNICEF or other NGOs in Korea. To become a internship in such organization, I should have ablity to speak English fluently, and knowledge about such organization.

2018

when I become28, I want to travel around the world. For year, I want to forget about everything and just want to go where I want. Especially I think Southwest Asia is fasinated and also the South America. I will travel there someday!

[script] Friends 1-5 the East German Laundry Detergent

2009-04-02T04:38:00.000-07:00

[Scene: Central Perk, all six are there.]
Monica: Would you let it go? It's not that big a deal.
Ross: Not that big a deal? It's amazing. Ok, you just reach in there, there's one little maneuver, and bam, a bra right out the sleeve. All right, as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that even comes close. Am I right?
Rachel: Come on! You guys can pee standing up.
Chandler: We can? All right, I'm tryin' that.
Joey: Ok, you know what blows my mind? Women can see breasts any time they want. You just look down and there they are. How you get any work done is beyond me.
Phoebe: Oh, ok, you know what I don't get? The way guys can do so many mean things, and then not even care.
(Long pause.)
Ross: Multiple orgasms!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, all are there.]
Chandler: So, Saturday night, the big night, date night, Saturday night, Sat-ur-day night!
Joey: No plans, huh?
Chandler: Not a one.
Ross: Not even, say, breaking up with Janice?
Chandler: Oh, right, right, shut up.
Monica: Chandler, nobody likes breaking up with someone. You just gotta do it.
Chandler: No, I know, but it's just so hard, you know? I mean, you're sitting there with her, she has no idea what's happening, and then you finally get up the courage to do it, and there's the horrible awkward moment when you've handed her the note.
Joey: Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man, just stop calling.
Phoebe: You know, if you want, I'll do it with you.
Chandler: Oh, thanks, but I think she'd feel like we're gangin' up on her.
Phoebe: No, I mean you break up with Janice and I'll break up with Tony.
Ross: Tony?
Monica: Oh, you're breaking up with Tony?
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, he's sweet, but it's just not fun anymore, you know? I don't know if it's me, or his hunger strike, or, I don't know.
Rachel: (waitressing) Does anybody want anything else?
Ross: Oh, yeah, last week you had a wonderful, nutty, chocolatey kind of a cakey pie thing. (Rachel gives him a dirty look) Nothing, just, just, I'm fine.
Phoebe: (to Rachel) What's the matter? Why so scrunchy?
Rachel: It's my father. He wants to give me a Mercedes convertible.
Ross: That guy, he burns me up.
Rachel: Yeah, well, it's a Mercedes if I move back home. Oh, it was horrible. He called me young lady.
Chandler: Ooh, I hate when my father calls me that.
Monica: Did he give you that whole "You're-not-up-to-this" thing again?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, yeah. Actually, I got the extended disco version, with three choruses of "You'll never make it on your own".
Phoebe: (rhythmically) Uh-huh, uh-huh.
(Angela, a beautiful woman in a tight dress, enters.)
Angela: Hi, Joey.
Joey: My god, Angela.
(Angela takes a seat at the counter.)
Monica: Wow, being dumped by you obviously agrees with her.
Phoebe: Are you gonna go over there?
Joey: No, yeah, no, ok, but not yet. I don't wanna seem too eager. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi. That seems pretty cool. (he walks over to her) Hey, Angela.
Angela: (casually) Joey.
Joey: You look good.
Angela: That's because I'm wearing a dress that accents my boobs.
Joey: You don't say.
(Cut to Ross and Rachel, talking next to one of the tables.)
Ross: So, uh, Rachel, what are you, uh, what're you doing tonight?
Rachel: Oh, big glamour night. Me and Monica at Laundorama.
Ross: Oh, you uh, you wanna hear a freaky coincidence? Guess who's doing laundry there too?
Rachel: Who?
Ross: Me. Was that not clear? Hey, why don't, um, why don't I just join you both, here?
Rachel: Don't you have a laundry room in your building?
Ross: Yes, I do have a laundry room in my building, um, but there's a.... rat problem. Apparently they're attracted to the dryer sheets, and they're goin' in fine, but they're comin' out all.... fluffy. Anyway, say, sevenish?
Rachel: Sure.
(Cut back to Joey and Angela at the counter.)
Angela: Forget it Joey. I'm with Bob now.
Joey: Bob? Who the hell's Bob?
Angela: Bob is great. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job. You, you go on three auditions a month and you call yourself an actor, but Bob...
Joey: Come on, we were great together. And not just at the fun stuff, but like, talking too.
Angela: Yeah, well, sorry, Joe. You said let's just be friends, so guess what?
Joey: What?
Angela: We're just friends.
Joey: Fine, fine, so, why don't the four of us go out and have dinner together tonight? You know, as friends?
Angela: What four of us?
Joey: You know, you and Bob, and me and my girlfriend, uh, uh, Monica.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, Joey is there, trying to convince Monica to pose as his girlfriend. His plan is to hook Monica up with Angela's boyfriend Bob and then take Angela back for himself.]
Joey: Monica, I'm tellin' you, this guy is perfect for you.
Monica: Forget it. Not after your cousin who could belch the alphabet.
Joey: Come on. This guy's great. His name's Bob. He's Angela's... brother. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job. Me, I go on three auditions a month and call myself an actor, but Bob is...
Monica: (looking out window) Oh, god help us.
Joey: What?
Monica: Ugly Naked Guy's laying kitchen tile. Eww!
Joey: Eww! Look, I'm asking a favor here. If I do this for her brother, maybe Angela will come back to me.
Monica: What's going on here? You go out with tons of girls.
Joey: (proud) I know, but, I made a huge mistake. I never should have broken up with her. Will you help me? Please?
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Chandler is over.]
Ross: (on phone) Ok, bye. (hangs up) Well, Monica's not coming, it's just gonna be me and Rachel.
Chandler: Oh. Well, hold on camper, are you sure you've thought this thing through?
Ross: It's laundry. The thinking through is minimal.
Chandler: It's just you and Rachel, just the two of you? This is a date. You're going on a date.
Ross: Nuh-uh.
Chandler: Yuh-huh.
Ross: So what're you saying here? I should shave again, pick up some wine, what?
Chandler: Well, you may wanna rethink the dirty underwear. This is basically the first time she's gonna see your underwear—you want it to be dirty?
Ross: (sheepish) No.
Chandler: Oh, and uh, the fabric softener?
Ross: Ok, ok, now what is wrong with my Snuggles? What, it says I'm a sensitive, warm kinda guy, you know, like a warm, fuzzy bear. Ok, I can pick something else up on the way.
Chandler: There you go.
[Scene: A fancy restaurant, Joey and Monica are there, meeting Angela and Bob, who Monica thinks is Angela's brother.]
Monica: Thank you. So what does this Bob guy look like? Is he tall? Short?
Joey: Yep.
Monica: Which?
Joey: Which what?
Monica: You've never met Bob, have you?
Joey: No, but he's...
Monica: Oh my god, Joey, for all we know this guy could be horribly...
(Angela and Bob walk in. Bob is good-looking.)
Angela: Hey, Joey.
Monica: ...horribly attractive. I'll be shutting up now.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Phoebe are there, both ready to break up with their significant others.]
Chandler: Where are they? Where are they?
Phoebe: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us.
Chandler: It's great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run over some puppies.
Phoebe: Eww, I don't wanna do that.
(Janice and Phoebe's boyfriend, Tony, walk in.)
Chandler: Here we go.
Phoebe: Ok, have a good break-up.
Chandler: Hey, Janice.
Janice: Oh, my god, I am so glad you called me. I had the most supremely awful day.
Chandler: Hey, that's not good. Can I get an espresso and a latte over here, please?
Janice: We got the proofs back from that photo shoot, you know, the one with the little vegetables. Anyway, they pretty much sucked, so, I blew off the rest of the day, and I went shopping...(looks through her bags)... and I got you, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking, I got you...
(Chandler sees Phoebe breaking up with Tony. She talks to him for a few seconds, hugs him, and then he leaves. Chandler is amazed how easy it was for her.)
Chandler: What?
Janice: What?
Chandler: (covering) What... did you get me there?
Janice: I got you...these. (pulls out a pair of socks)
Chandler: Bullwinkle socks. That's so sweet.
Janice: Well, I knew you had the Rockys, and so I figured, you know, you can wear Bullwinkle and Bullwinkle, or you can wear Rocky and Rocky,or, you can mix and match, moose and squirrel. Whatever you want.
Chandler: That's great.
(The drinks arrive, and Chandler downs his espresso in one gulp.)
Chandler: Well, I'm gonna get another espresso. Can I get you another latte?
Janice: (holding the full cup) No, no, I'm still working on mine.
(Chandler walks over to the counter where Phoebe is, and is asking her about the break-up.)
Chandler: That's it?
Phoebe: Yeah, it was really hard.
Chandler: Oh, yeah, that hug looked pretty brutal.
Phoebe: Ok, you weren't there.
[Scene: The Launderama, Rachel is there, waiting for Ross. An old woman takes Rachel's clothes off the machine and begins loading it with her things.]
Woman: Comin' through. Move, move.
Rachel: Oh, 'scuse me. I was kinda using that machine.
Woman: Yeah, well, now you're kinda not.
Rachel: But I saved it. I put my basket on top.
Woman: Oh, I'm sorry, is that your basket? It's really pretty. Unfortunately, I don't see suds.
Rachel: What?
Woman: No suds, no save. Ok?
(Ross arrives.)
Ross: What's goin' on?
Rachel: Hi, uh, nothing. That horrible woman just took my machine.
Ross: Was your basket on top?
Rachel: Yeah, but, there were no suds.
Ross: So?
Rachel: Well, you know, no suds, no save.
Ross: No suds? Excuse me, hold on a second. (to woman) That's my friend's machine.
Woman: Hey, hey, hey, her stuff wasn't in it.
Ross: Hey, hey, hey, that's not the rule and you know it.
(The woman and Ross stare at each other. Finally she takes her stuff out of the machine and leaves.)
Ross: (to the crowd in the laundromat) All right, show's over. Nothing to see here. (to Rachel) Ok, let's do laundry.
Rachel: That was amazing. I can't even send back soup.
Ross: Well, that's because you're such a sweet, gentle, uh...Do you, uh, do you...Oh, hey, uh you must need detergent.
(Ross pulls out a huge box of laundry detergent.)
Rachel: What's that?
Ross: Uberveiss. It's new, it's German, it's extra-tough.
(Rachel starts to load her clothes.)
Ross: Rach, do you uh, are you gonna separate those?
Rachel: Oh god. Oh, am I being like a total laundry spaz? I mean, am I supposed to use like one machine for shirts and another machine for pants?
Ross: Rach, have you never done this before?
Rachel: Well, not myself, but I know other people that have. Ok, you caught me. I'm a laundry virgin.
Ross: Uh, well, don't worry, I'll use the gentle cycle. Ok, um, basically you wanna use one machine for all your whites, a whole nother machine for colors, and a third for your uh, your uh, delicates, and that would be your bras and your under-panty things.
Rachel: (holds a pair of panties in front of Ross) Ok, Well, what about these are white cotton panties. Would they go with whites or delicates?
Ross: (visibly nervous) Uh, that, that, that would be a judgment call.
[Scene: Fancy restaurant, Monica, Joey, Angela, and Bob are seated at the table.]
Monica: (to Joey) He is so cute. (to Angela and Bob) So, where did you guys grow up?
Angela: Brooklyn Heights.
Bob: Cleveland.
Monica: How, how did that happen?
Joey: Oh my god.
Monica: What?
Joey: I suddenly had the feeling that I was falling. But I'm not.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Fancy restaurant, Joey and Bob are talking.]
Joey: So, you and Angela, huh?
Bob: Yep. Pretty much.
Joey: You're a lucky man. You know what I miss the most about her? That cute nibbly noise when she eats. Like a happy little squirrel, or a weasel.
Bob: Huh, I never really noticed.
Joey: Oh, yeah, yeah, listen for it.
Bob: Monica, Monica is great.
Joey: Yeah, but it's not gonna last. She's too much for me in bed. Sexually.
[Scene: The ladies' bathroom at the restaurant, Monica and Angela are talking.]
Monica: I've gotta tell you, Bob is terrific.
Angela: Yeah, isn't he?
Monica: It is so great to meet a guy who is smart and funny, and has an emotional age beyond, like eight.
Angela: You know what else? He's unbelievable in bed.
Monica: Wow. My brother never even told me when he lost his virginity.
Angela: Huh. That's nice.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is coaching Chandler on how to break up with Janice.]
Phoebe: Ok, you can do this. It's just like pulling off a Band-aid. Just do it really fast, and then the wound is exposed.
(Chandler walks back to couch, where Janice is.)
Chandler: Janice. Hi, Janice. Ok, here we go. I don't think we should go out anymore. Janice.
Janice: All right. Well, there you go. (she gets extremely wound up, and begins to try and calm herself down) Stop it, stop it, stop it.
[Scene: The laundromat.]
Rachel: Ok, I know this is gonna sound really stupid, but I feel that if I can do this, you know, if I can actually do my own laundry, there isn't anything I can't do.
Ross: That does not sound stupid to me. You know, it's like the first time I had to make dinner for myself, after Carol left me? (the buzzer on the washer goes off) I'm sorry, that's all the time we have. Next on Ross...(opens up the washer) Uh-oh.
Rachel: What uh-oh?
Ross: (not wanting to tell her) Uh-oh, uh-oh, the laundry's done. It's, uh, it's a song. The laundry song that we sing. (singing) Uh-oh the laundry's done, uh-oh, uh-oh.
Rachel: Ross, what's the matter?
Ross: Nothing, nothing. Lee-lo, the laundry's done.
Rachel: Come on, show me.
Ross: All right, all right, it's just that you left a red sock in with all your whites, and now, everything's kinda pink.
Rachel: Oh, everything's pink.
Ross: Yeah, uh, except for the red sock, which is still red. I'm sorry, please don't be upset, it could happen to anyone.
Rachel: Except it didn't. It happened to me. Oh, god, I'm gonna look like a big marshmallow peep. What am I doing? What am I doing? My father's right. I can't live on my own! I can't even do laundry!
(The woman who had tried to steal the washing machine walks by, and laughs.)
[Scene: The fancy restaurant, Angela has her hand in Bob's shirt, and Monica is very uncomfortable.]
Monica: Something went wrong with Underdog, and they couldn't get his head to inflate. So anyway, um, his head is like flopping down Broadway, right, and I'm just thinking... how inappropriate this is. Um, I've got something in my eye, uh, Joey, could we check it in the light, please?
(Her and Joey walk away from the table.)
Monica: Oh my god.
Joey: What?
Monica: Hello! Were we at the same table? It's like... cocktails in Appalachia.
Joey: Come on, they're close.
Monica: Close? She's got her tongue in his ear.
Joey: Oh, like you've never gotten a little rambunctious with Ross.
Monica: Joey, this is sick, it's disgusting, it's, it's—not really true, is it?
Joey: Well, who's to say what's true? I mean...
Monica: Oh my god, what were you thinking?
Joey: All right, look, I'm not proud of this, ok? Well, maybe I am a little.
Monica: (hits him lightly) Oh!
Joey: Ow!
Monica: (leaving) I'm outta here.
Joey: Wait, wait, wait. You want him, I want her. He likes you.
Monica: Really?
Joey: Yeah. I'm thinking, if we put our heads together, between the two of us, we can break them up.
[Time lapse, Monica accidentally spilled her drink on Bob's shirt and is wiping it off. Joey is making eyes at Angela.]
Monica: I'm so sorry, I can't believe I did this, but I couldn't stop laughing at your Norman Mailer story.
(Angela is eating chicken wings and making the weasel-like noise Joey had told Bob about.)
Joey: Uh, waiter, one more plate of chicken wings over here.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is still trying to ease things over with Janice, and there are about a dozen empty Espresso cups in front of him. He is extremely wired.]
Chandler: Here's the thing, Janice. You know, I mean, it's like we're different. I'm like the bing, bing, bing. You're like the boom, boom, (Chandler flails his hand out and hits Janice in the eye)... boom.
Janice: Ow!
Chandler: Oh, my god, I'm so sorry. Are you ok?
Janice: Ow. Um, it's just my lens. It's just my lens. I'll be right back.
(She leaves.)
Chandler: (to Phoebe) I hit her in the eye! I hit her in the eye! This is the worst break-up in the history of the world.
Phoebe: Oh my god. (Chandler downs another espresso.) How many of those have you had?
Chandler: Oh, I don't know, a million?
Phoebe: Chandler, easy, easy. Go to your happy place. La la la la la la la.
Chandler: I'm fine.
Phoebe: All right.
(Janice returns from the bathroom.)
Chandler: I'm not fine. Here she comes.
Phoebe: Wait here. Breathe.
(Phoebe goes over to speak to Janice. She talks to her for a few seconds, and then Janice immediately smiles, hugs her, waves to Chandler, and leaves.)
Chandler: How do you do that?
Phoebe: It's like a gift.
Chandler: We should always always break up together.
Phoebe: Oh, I'd like that.
[Scene: The Launderama. Rachel is sorting her now-pink clothes.]
Ross: You got the clothes clean. Now that's the important part.
Rachel: Oh, I guess. Except everything looks like jammies now.
(The same woman walks over and takes Rachel's laundry cart.)
Rachel: Whoa, I'm sorry. Excuse me. We had this cart.
Woman: Yeah, well, I had a 24-inch waist. You lose things. Now come on, get outta my way.
(Rachel looks at Ross, who motions to her to get the cart back.)
Rachel: I'm sorry, you know, maybe I wasn't being clear. Uh, this is our cart.
Woman: Hey, hey, hey there aren't any clothes in it.
Rachel: Hey, hey, hey, hey, quit making up rules!
Woman: Let go!
(They struggle for the cart. Finally, Rachel climbs inside of it.)
Rachel: All right, listen, missy. If you want this cart, you're gonna have to take me with it!
(She thinks it over, and then walks away.)
Rachel: (to Ross) Yes! Did you see that?
Ross: You were incredible! Brand new woman, ladies and gentlemen.
Rachel: I could not have done this without you.
(Rachel stands up and kisses Ross. He is stunned. A moment of silence follows.)
Ross: Ok, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer? (Ross turns and bangs his head on an open dryer door.) I'm fine, I'm fine.
Rachel: Are you sure?
Ross: No.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are there. Ross has an icepack to his head.]
Rachel: Oh, are you sure you're ok?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Does it still hurt?
Ross: Yeah.
Phoebe: (seeing Rachel's clothes) What a neat idea. All your clothes match. I'm gonna do this.
(Monica and Joey enter.)
Monica: Hi.
Phoebe: Hey, how'd it go?
Joey: Excellent.
Monica: We ripped that couple apart, and kept the pieces for ourselves.
Ross: What a beautiful story. Hey, I'm fine by the way.
Monica: (notices his head) Oh, I'm sorry.
Rachel: Where's Chandler?
Phoebe: Oh, he needed some time to grieve.
(Chandler runs by the window outside, joyous.)
Chandler: I'm free! I'm free!
Phoebe: That oughta do it.

[script] Friends 1-4 George Stephanopoulos

2009-04-02T04:36:00.000-07:00

Monica: Alright. Phoebe?
Phoebe: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And bigger boobs!
Ross: Yeah, see.. you took mine. Chandler, what about you?
Chandler: Uh, if I were omnipotent for a day, I'd.. make myself omnipotent forever.
Rachel: See, there's always one guy. (Mocking) "If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes." (Joey enters.)
All: Hey Joey. Hi. Hey, buddy.
Monica: Hey, Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey: Probably kill myself!
Monica: ..Excuse me?
Joey: Hey, if Little Joey's dead, then I got no reason to live!
Ross: Joey, uh- OMnipotent.
Joey: You are? Ross, I'm sorry..
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Monica are watching Phoebe sleep.]
Monica: How does she do that?
Ross: I cannot sleep in a public place.
Monica: Would you look at her? She is so peaceful.
Phoebe: (waking and startling them) Oh! What what what! ...Hi.
Ross: It's okay, y'know, you just nodded off again.
Monica: What's going on with you?
Phoebe: I got no sleep last night!
Ross: Why?
Phoebe: My grandmother has this new boyfriend, and they're both kind of insecure in bed. Oh, and deaf. So they're constantly, like, having to reassure each other that they're having a good time. You have no idea how loud they are!
Monica: Well, if you want, you can stay with Rachel and me tonight.
Phoebe: Thanks.
(Chandler and Joey enter. Joey is counting his steps.)
Joey: ...Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you! Less than a hundred steps from our place to here.
Chandler: You got waaaay too much free time.
Joey: (to Ross) Hey! Here's the birthday boy! Ross, check it out: hockey tickets, Rangers-Penguins, tonight at the Garden, and we're taking you.
Chandler: Happy birthday, pal!
Joey: We love you, man. (Kisses Ross)
Ross: Funny, my birthday was seven months ago.
Joey: So?
Ross: So, I'm guessing you had an extra ticket and couldn't decide which one of you got to bring a date?
Chandler: Well, aren't we Mr. "The glass is half empty."
Ross: Oh my God, oh- is today the twentieth, October twentieth?
Monica: Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't remember.
Ross: Ohhh.
Joey: What's wrong with the twentieth?
Chandler: Eleven days before Halloween.. all the good costumes are gone?
Ross: Today's the day Carol and I first.. consummated our physical relationship. (Joey is puzzled.) Sex. ..You know what, I-I'd better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
Joey: The hell with hockey, let's all do that!
Chandler: (trying to stop Ross leaving) C'mon, Ross! You, me, Joey, ice, guys' night out, c'mon, whaddya say, big guy, (Pretending to punch him in the stomach.) Huh? Huh? Huh?
Ross: What are you doing?
Chandler: (stops) I have no idea.
Joey: C'mon, Ross!
Ross: Alright, alright, maybe it'll take my mind off it. Do you promise to buy me a big thumb finger?
Chandler: You got it.
(Rachel runs up cluching an envelope.)
Rachel: Look-look-look-look-look, my first pay check! Look at the window, there's my name! Hi, me!
Phoebe: I remember the day I got my first pay check. There was a cave in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed.
Monica: Wow, you worked in a mine?
Phoebe: I worked in a Dairy Queen, why?
Rachel: God, isn't this exciting? I earned this. I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally—(opens envelope)—not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money? I mean, what- Chandler, look at that.
Chandler: (looking) Oh, this is not that bad.
Joey: Oh, you're fine, yeah, for a first job.
Ross: You can totally, totally live on this.
Monica: Yeah, yeah.
Ross: Oh, by the way, great service tonight.
All: Oh! Yeah!
(They all get their wallets out and give generous tips.)
Guys: Hockey! (They go to leave but are blocked by three of Rachel's friends, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne. The guys pause to stare at them.) Hockey! Hockey. (The guys.)
Leslie: (looking around) Rachel?
Rachel: Oh my God! (Rachel, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne all scream and hug each other.
Monica: (to Phoebe) I swear I've seen birds do this on Wild Kingdom.
Rachel: What are you guys doing here?
Kiki: Well, we were in the city shopping, and your mom said you work here, aaand it's true!
Joanne: Look at you in the apron. You look like you're in a play.
Rachel: (to a pregnant Leslie) Look at you, you are so big I can't believe it!
Leslie: I know. I know! I'm a duplex.
Rachel: (to Joanne) So what's going on with you?
Joanne: Well, guess who my dad's making partner in his firm? (She points to herself and they all scream again.)
Kiki: And while we're on the subject of news.. (She holds up here finger to show off her engagement ring and they all scream again.)
Phoebe: (to Monica) Look, look, I have elbows! (They scream.)
[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Joey are kicking a can to each other.]
Chandler: ...Poulet passes it up to Leetch! (Passes it to Joey.)
Joey: Leetch spots Messier in the crease- there's the pass! (He kicks it to Ross, but Ross is staring into a shop window.)
Chandler: We'll take a brief time out while Messier stops to look at some women's shoes.
Ross: Carol was wearing boots just like those the night that we- we first- y'know. Fact, she, uh- she never took'em off, 'cause we-we- (off Chandler's look) Sorry. Sorry.
(They walk on. Chandler and Joey start to talk but Ross stops and whines.)
Joey: What?
Ross: Peach pit.
Chandler: Yes, Bunny?
Ross: (points) Peach pit. That night we, uh- we had-
Joey: -Peaches?
Ross: Actually, nectarines, but basically...
Chandler: (to Joey) Could've been a peach.
Ross: Then, uh, then we got dressed, and I-I... I walked her to the- (looks up, realises, and points) -the bus stop... I'm fine.
Joey: Hey, that woman's got an ass like Carol's! (They turn to stare at him.) What? Thought we were trying to find stuff.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Lesile, Kiki, and Joanne are talking.]
Rachel: So c'mon, you guys, tell me all the dirt!
Kiki: Well, the biggest news is still you dumping Barry at the altar!
Joanne: Alright. Let's talk reality for a second.
Rachel: Okay.
Joanne: When are you coming home?
Rachel: What? Guys, I'm not.
Joanne: C'mon, this is us.
Rachel: I'm not! This is what I'm doing now. I've got this job-
Kiki: Waitressing?
Rachel: Okay, I'm not just waitressing. I'm.. I, um... I write the specials on the specials board, and, uh... and I, uh... I take the uh dead flowers out of the vase... Oh, and, um, sometimes Artelle lets me put the little chocolate blobbies on the cookies.
Leslie: Well. Your mom didn't tell us about the blobbies.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are in pajamas and Monica is making something in the blender as Rachel enters.]
Monica: Hey, Rach. How was it with your friends? (She and Phoebe scream.) Okay! How would you like some Tiki Death Punch? (She pours the contents of the blender into some glasses.)
Rachel: What's that?
Monica: Weeeell, it's rum, and-
Rachel: Okay. (Grabs the blender and starts to drink.)
Monica: We thought since Phoebe was staying over tonight we'd have kinda like a slumber party thing. We got some trashy magazines, we got cookie dough, we got Twister... (The phone rings and Monica answers it.)
Phoebe: Ooh! Ooh! And I brought Operation! But, um, I lost the tweezers, so we can't operate. But we can prep the guy!
Monica: Uh, Rach, it's the Visa card people.
Rachel: Oh, God, ask them what they want.
Monica: (on phone) Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? (Listens) Yes, hold on. (To Rachel) Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account.
Rachel: But I haven't used my card in weeks!
Monica: That is the unusual activity. Look, they just wanna see if you're okay.
Rachel: They wanna know if I'm okay. Okay.. they wanna know if I'm okay, okay, let's see. Well, let's see, the FICA guys took all my money, everyone I know is either getting married, or getting promoted, or getting pregnant, and I'm getting coffee! And it's not even for me! So if that sounds like I'm okay, okay, then you can tell them I'm okay, okay?
Monica: (pauses then on the phone) Uh- Rachel has left the building, can you call back?
Rachel: Alright, c'mon! (Miserably) Let's play Twister!
[Scene: Madison Square Garden, the guys are trying to find their seats.]
Ross: (squeezing past people) Sorry, sorry... Uh-oh.
Chandler: What? There was ice there that night with Carol? Plastic seats? Four thousand angry Pittsburgh fans?
Ross: No, actually I was just saying it looks like we're not sitting together. But now you mention it, there was ice there that night... It was the first frost...
Joey: C'mon, sit. Just sit down, sit.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, they're all hanging out in the living room.]
Monica: You should feel great about yourself! You're doing this amazing independence thing!
Rachel: Monica, what is so amazing? I gave up, like, everything. And for what?
Phoebe: You are just like Jack.
Rachel: ...Jack from downstairs?
Phoebe: No, Jack and the Beanstalk.
Monica: Ah, the other Jack.
Phoebe: Yeah, right! See, he gave up something, but then he got those magic beans. And then he woke up, and there was this, this big plant outside his window, full of possibilities and stuff.. And he lived in a village, and you live in the Village..
Rachel: Okay, but Pheebs, Pheebs, Jack gave up a cow, I gave up an orthodontist. Okay, I-I-I know, I know I didn't love him-
Phoebe: Oh, see, Jack did love the cow.
Rachel: But see, it was a plan. Y'know, it was clear. It was figured out, and now everything's just kinda like...
Phoebe: Floopy?
Rachel: Yeah.
Monica: So what, you're not the only one. I mean, half the time we don't know where we're going. You've just gotta figure at some point it's all gonna come together, and it's just gonna be... un-floopy.
Phoebe: Oh, like that's a word.
Rachel: Okay, but Monica, what if- what if it doesn't come together?
Monica: ...Pheebs?
Phoebe: Oh, well... 'cause.... you just... I don't like this question.
Rachel: Okay, see, see, you guys, what if we don't get magic beans? I mean, what if all we've got are.. beans?
[Scene: Madison Square Garden, the guys are watching the game.]
Ross: Get him! GET HIM! Get him! Get- YESSS! Not laughing now, are ya pal!
Chandler: (to Ross) See buddy, that's all you need, a bunch of toothless guys hitting each other with sticks.
Ross: Pass it! Pass it!
Chandler: He's open!
All: Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
(The player shoots and the puck flies off the rink and hits Ross in the face. Chandler looks concered until he notices...)
Chandler: Hey, look, we're on that TV thing!
(Chandler and Joey hold the puck and wave at the TV thing.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: An Emergency Room, Chandler and Joey are leading Ross in.]
Chandler: (to the receptionist)'Scuse me.
Receptionist: (holds up her hand—she is on the phone) It says to call this number if you're not completely satisfied with this candy bar. Well, I'm not completely satisfied.
Chandler: Listen, it's kind of an emergency. Well, I guess you know that, or we'd be in the predicament room. (The receptionist glares at him.)
Receptionist: (on phone) Hold on. (To Chandler) Fill these out, sit over there. (Tosses him some forms.)
Ross: (jumping to his feet) Look, I don't wanna make any trouble, okay, but I'm in a lot of pain here, alright? My face is dented.
Receptionist: Well, you'll have to wait your turn.
Joey: Well, how long do you think it'll be?
Receptionist: (sarcastic) Any minute now.
Ross: Hey, this- (she gives him a look and the guys back off) Heyy...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the slumber party continues.]
Rachel: I'm so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to bring you down.
Monica: No, you were right. I don't have a plan. (There's a knock on the door.)
Pizza Guy: (yelling from outside) Pizza guy!
Rachel: Thank God. Food. (She goes to answer the door.)
Monica: Phoebe?
Phoebe: What?
Monica: Do you have a plan?
Phoebe: I don't even have a 'pl'.
Pizza Guy: Hi, one, uh, mushroom, green pepper and onion?
Rachel: (miserably) No, no, that's not what we ordered... We ordered a fat-free crust with extra cheese.
Pizza Guy: Wait, you're not 'G.Stephanopoulos?' Man, my dad's gonna kill me!
Monica: (leaping off of the couch and runs up) Wait! Did you say 'G.Stephanopoulos?'
Pizza Guy: Yeah. This one goes across the street, I must have given him yours. Oh, bonehead, bonehead!
Monica: Wait, was this a-a small mediterranean guy with curiously intelligent good looks?
Pizza Guy: Yeah, that sounds about right.
Monica: Was he wearing a stunning blue suit?
Phoebe: And-and a power tie?
Pizza Guy: No, pretty much just a towel.
Monica: (staggered) Oh God.
Pizza Guy: So you guys want me to take this back?
Monica: Are you nuts?! We've got George Stephanopoulos' pizza! (Rachel pays him, Monica grabs some binoculars, and runs to the window.)
Rachel: Uh, Pheebs? Who's George Snuffalopagus?
Phoebe: Big Bird's friend.
Monica: I see pizza!
Phoebe: Oh, I wanna see! Lemme see! Lemme see! (She runs up and takes the binoculars.)
Rachel: Hello? Who are we spying on?
Monica: White House adviser? Clinton's campaign guy? The one with the great hair, sexy smile, really cute butt?
Rachel: Oh, him, the little guy? Oh, I love him!
Phoebe: Ooh, wait.. wait, I see a woman.
Monica: Please tell me it's his mother.
Phoebe: Definitely not his mother.
Monica: Oh, no...
Phoebe: Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor.. she's walking.. she's walking.. she's going for the pizza- (Yelling) Hey, that's not for you, bitch! (Phoebe covers her mouth with her hand walks away from the window.)
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Joey is miming hockey pucks kitting foreheads. Chandler realises it's getting tense and goes to the receptionist again.]
Chandler: Excuse me, look, we've been here for over an hour, and a lot of people less sick than my friend have gone in. I mean, that guy with the toe thing? Who's he sleeping with? (She slides the gladd panel over and Chandler talks through it in a loud voice.) Oh, c'mon Dora, don't be mad... I know we both said some things we didn't mean, but that doesn't mean we still don't love each other. (To the waiting room.) Y'know, I feel like I've lost her.. (She slides the panel back, he turns, and it takes him by surprise.) Ba-!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are all out on the balcony.]
Monica: Light still out?
Rachel: Yeah.
Monica: Oh. Maybe they're- napping.
Rachel: Oh please, they're having sex.
Monica and Phoebe: Shut up!
Rachel: So, whaddya think George is like?
Monica: I think he's shy.
Phoebe: Yeah?
Monica: Yeah. I think you have to draw him out. And then- when you do- he's a preppy animal.
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is still going on about his first night with Carol.]
Ross: I remember the moonlight coming through the window- and her face had the most incredible glow.
Chandler: Yes, the moon, the glow, the magical feeling, you did this part- Could I get some painkillers over here, please?
Joey: He's right, enough, already. What is the big deal about today? So you slept with her for the first time, so what? You slept with her for seven years after that.
Ross: Look, it's just a little more complicated...
Chandler: Well, what? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?
Ross: Little louder, okay, I think there's a man on the twelfth floor in a coma that didn't quite hear you...
Chandler: Then what?
Ross: My first time with Carol was... (He mumbles the last part)
Joey: What?
Ross: It was my first time.
Joey: With Carol? (Ross gives him a look.) Oh.
Chandler: So in your whole life, you've only been with one—(He gets a look too)—oh.
Joey: Whoah, boy, hockey was a big mistake! There was a whole bunch of stuff we could've done tonight!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are still out on the balcony.]
Monica: Okay. Okay, I got one. Do you remember that vegetarian pate that I made that you loved so much?
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Monica: Well, unless goose is a vegetable...ha haaaah!
Phoebe: Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay, fine, fine. Now I don't feel so bad about sleeping with Jason Hurley.
Monica: What?! You slept with Jason?
Phoebe: You'd already broken up.
Rachel: How long?
Phoebe: A couple hours.
Monica: Oh, that's nice!
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay, I got one! (She sits up and the cushion she was leaning against falls off of the balcony.) Anyway- The valentine Tommy Rollerson left in your locker was really from me.
Monica: Excuse me?!
Rachel: Hello? Like he was really gonna send you one? (To Phoebe) She was a big girl.
Monica: Really. Well, at least 'big girls' don't pee in their pants in seventh grade!
Rachel: I was laughing! You made me laugh! (Monica and Rachel start to squabble)
Phoebe: There he is! There he is!
Monica: Where?
Phoebe: Right- where we've been looking all night!
Rachel: He is so cute!
Monica: Oh, George, baby, drop the towel!
All: Yeah, drop it! Drop the towel! Please drop the—(pause)—wowww.
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is absent.]
Joey: Man. Can you believe he's only had sex with one woman?
Chandler: I think it's great. Y'know, it's sweet, it's romantic...
Joey: Really?
Chandler: No, you kidding? The guy's a freak.. (Ross enters off camera)
Both: Hey, buddy.
Ross: Hi. (He is wearing a piece of steel bandaged to his nose. He tosses some forms onto reception desk.)
Receptionist: (sarcastic) Oh, that's attractive.
Chandler: Oh, I thought you were great in Silence of the Lambs. Oh come on, admit it! All things considered, you had fun tonight.
Ross: Fun? Where was the fun? Tell me specifically, which part was the fun part? Where's my puck?
Joey: Oh, ah- the kid has it.
Ross: The kid...? (To the kid) Excuse me, uh, that's, that's my puck.
Kid: I found it. Finders keepers, losers weepers. (Ross looks at Chandler for help.)
Chandler: You gotta do it, man.
Ross: (to the kid) Oh yeah? Well, I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever—(to Chandler)—can't do it. (to the kid) Listen, uh- gimme back my puck.
Kid: No.
Ross: 'Yes', how about. C'mere. Gimme!
Kid: No! No! (They start to fight over it.)
Receptionist: Hey! Hey! No rough holding in my ER!
Ross: (tries to snatch it from the kid) GIVE ME MY PUCK!! (but it files out of his grasp and knocks out the receptionist)
Ross: ...Now that was fun.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey and the girls are playing twister.]
Ross: (Doing the spinning) Okay, Monica: Right foot red.
Monica: Could've played Monopoly, but nooooo.
(There's a knock on the door, Chandler opens it, and silently hands back the cushion.)
Chandler: Thanks. (The guy nods and leaves)
Ross: Okay, Pheebs: Right hand blue. (Phoebe has to bend over.)Good. (Joey stares at her butt appreciatively)
(The phone rings and Chandler answers it.)
Chandler: Hello? Oh, uh, Rachel, it's the Visa card people.
Rachel: Oh, okay. Will you take my place?
Chandler: Alright. (on phone) Yes, this is Rachel.
Rachel: Nooo! (She grabs the phone and Chandler takes her place on the mat.) (On phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh, yeah, no, I know, I-I haven't been using it much. (Listens) Oh, well, thanks, but, I'm okay, really.
Ross: Green. To the green.
Rachel: (on phone) I've got magic beans. (Listens) Never-never mind.
Chandler: To the left, to the left- aww! (They all collapse)
Rachel: (on phone) Ohhh... I'm fine.

[script] Friends 1-3 The One With the Thumb

2009-04-02T04:25:00.000-07:00

[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe is there.]
Phoebe: (entering) Hi guys!
All: Hey, Pheebs! Hi!
Ross: Hey. Oh, oh, how'd it go?
Phoebe: Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said 'We should do this again!'
All: Ohh. Ouch.
Rachel: What? He said 'we should do it again', that's good, right?
Monica: Uh, no. Loosely translated 'We should do this again' means 'You will never see me naked'.
Rachel: Since when?
Joey: Since always. It's like dating language. Y'know, like 'It's not you' means 'It is you'.
Chandler: Or 'You're such a nice guy' means 'I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you'.
Phoebe: Or, or, y'know, um, 'I think we should see other people' means 'Ha, ha, I already am'.
Rachel: And everybody knows this?
Joey: Yeah. Cushions the blow.
Chandler: Yeah, it's like when you're a kid, and your parents put your dog to sleep, and they tell you it went off to live on some farm.
Ross: That's funny, that, no, because, uh, our parents actually did, uh, send our dog off to live on a farm.
Monica: Uh, Ross.
Ross: What? Wh- hello? The Millners' farm in Connecticut? The Millners, they had this unbelievable farm, they had horses, and, and rabbits that he could chase and it was- it w- .....Oh my God, Chi Chi!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is helping Joey rehearse for a part.]
Chandler: "So how does it feel knowing you're about to die?"
Joey: "Warden, in five minutes my pain will be over. But you'll have to live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to die."
Chandler: Hey, that was really good!
Joey: Thanks! Let's keep going.
Chandler: Okay. "So. Whaddya want from me, Damone, huh?"
Joey: "I just wanna go back to my cell. 'Cause in my cell, I can smoke."
Chandler: "Smoke away."
(Joey takes out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He fumbles and drops the lighter. Then he lights a cigarett, takes a drag, and coughs.)
Chandler: I think this is probably why Damone smokes in his cell alone.
Joey: What?
Chandler: Relax your hand!
(Joey lets his wrist go limp.)
Chandler: Not so much!
Joey: Whoah!
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Alright, now try taking a puff.
(Joey tries and visibly winces.)
Chandler: Alright.. okay. No. Give it to me.
Joey: No no no, I am not giving you a cigarette.
Chandler: It's fine, it's fine. Look, do you wanna get this part, or not? Here.
(Joey reluctantly gives him the cigarette.)
Chandler: Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the thing that's been missing from your hand. When you're holding it, you feel right. You feel complete.
Joey: Y'miss it?
Chandler: Nah, not so much. Alright, now we smoke. (Takes a puff.) Oh.. my.. God. (He continues to smoke.)
[Scene, Central Perk, everyone except Phoebe and Rachel is there.]
Monica: No, no, no. They say it's the same as the distance from the tip of a guy's thumb to the tip of his index finger.
(The guys stretch out their fingers.)
Joey: That's ridiculous!
Ross: Can I use.. either thumb?
Rachel: (carrying a tray of drinks) Alright, don't tell me, don't tell me! (Starts handing them out.) Decaf cappucino for Joey.. Coffee black.. Late.. And an iced tea. I'm getting pretty good at this!
All: Yeah. Yeah, excellent.
Rachel: (leaving to serve others) Good for me!
(The gang swaps all the drinks for what they ordered as Phoebe enters. She sits down without saying hi.)
Joey: Y'okay, Phoebe?
Phoebe: Yeah- no- I'm just- it's, I haven't worked- It's my bank.
Monica: What did they do to you?
Phoebe: It's nothing, it's just- Okay. I'm going through my mail, and I open up their monthly, you know, STATEMENT-
Ross: Easy.
Phoebe: - and there's five hundred extra dollars in my account.
Chandler: Oh, Satan's minions at work again...
Phoebe: Yes, 'cause now I have to go down there, and deal with them.
Joey: What are you talking about? Keep it!
Phoebe: It's not mine, I didn't earn it, if I kept it, it would be like stealing.
Rachel: Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping!
Phoebe: Okay. Okay, let's say I bought a really great pair of shoes. Do you know what I'd hear, with every step I took? 'Not-mine. Not-mine. Not-mine.' And even if I was happy, okay, and, and skipping- 'Not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine'...
Monica: We're with you. We got it.
(Chandler leans over the back of the couch out of sight.)
Phoebe: Okay. I'd- just- I'd never be able to enjoy it. It would be like this giant karmic debt.
Rachel: Chandler, what are you doing?
Monica: (puling him up) Hey. Whaddya doing?
(Chandler tries to shrug nonchalantly but eventually he has to exhale a mouthful of smoke.)
All: Oh! Oh, God!
Ross: What is this?!
Chandler: I'm smoking. I'm smoking, I'm smoking.
Phoebe: Oh, I can't believe you! You've been so good, for three years!
Chandler: And this- is my reward!
Ross: Hold on a second, alright? Just think about what you went through the last time you quit.
Chandler: Okay, so this time I won't quit!
All: Ohhh! Put it out!
Chandler: All right! I'm putting it out, I'm putting it out. (He drops it in Phoebe's coffee.)
Phoebe: Oh, no! I- I can't drink this now!
Monica: Alright. I'm gonna go change, I've got a date.
Rachel: This Alan again? How's it goin'?
Monica: 'S'going pretty good, y'know? It's nice, and, we're having fun.
Joey: So when do we get to meet the guy?
Monica: Let's see, today's Monday... Never.
All: Oh, come on! Come on!
Monica: No. Not after what happened with Steve.
Chandler: What are you talking about? We love Schhteve! Schhteve was schhexy!.. Sorry.
Monica: Look, I don't even know how I feel about him yet. Just give me a chance to figure that out.
Rachel: Well, then can we meet him?
Monica: Nope. Schhorry.
[Scene: Iridium, Monica and Paula are at work.]
Monica: I mean, why should I let them meet him? I mean, I bring a guy home, and within five minutes they're all over him. I mean, they're like- coyotes, picking off the weak members of the herd.
Paula: Listen. As someone who's seen more than her fair share of bad beef, I'll tell you: that is not such a terrible thing. I mean, they're your friends, they're just looking out after you.
Monica: I know. I just wish that once, I'd bring a guy home that they actually liked.
Paula: Well, you do realise the odds of that happening are a little slimmer if they never get to meet the guy..
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is smoking out on the balcony, Phoebe is absent.]
Joey: Let it go, Ross.
Ross: Yeah, well, you didn't know Chi Chi.
Monica: Do you all promise?
All: Yeah! We promise! We'll be good!
Monica: (shouts to Chandler) Chandler? Do you promise to be good?
(Chandler makes a 'Cross my heart' sign. It starts to rain and he taps on the window.)
Joey: You can come in, but your filter-tipped little buddy has to stay outside!
(Chandler sulkilty picks up a garbage can lid and uses it as an umbrella.)
(Phoebe enters, walks to the couch, sits down, and begins to read a letter without saying hi.)
Ross: Hey, Pheebs.
Phoebe: 'Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this- (Searches in her purse) -football phone as our free gift.' Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone!
Rachel: What bank is this?
(The intercom buzzes.)
Monica: Hey. It's him. (On the intercom) Who is it?
Alan: (on the intercom) It's Alan.
Joey: (shouting to Chandler) Chandler! He's here!
(Chandler comes in, dripping wet.)
Monica: (to all) Okay, please be good, please. Just remember how much you all like me.
(She opens the door and Alan enters.)
Monica: Hi. Alan, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Alan.
Alan: Hi.
All: Hi, Alan.
Alan: I've heard schho much about all you guyschh!
(Everyone laughs.)
[Time lapse, Alan is leaving.]
Monica: (to Alan) Thanks. I'll call you tomorrow. (Alan exits, to all) Okay. Okay, let's let the Alan-bashing begin. Who's gonna take the first shot, hmm?
(Silence.)
Monica: C'mon!
Ross: ...I'll go. Let's start with the way he kept picking at- no, I'm sorry, I can't do this, can't do this. We loved him.
All: Loved him! Yeah! He's great!
Monica: Wait a minute! We're talking about someone that I'm going out with?
All: Yeah!
Rachel: And did you notice...? (She spreads her thumb and index finger.)
The Guys: (reluctantly) Yeah.
Joey: Know what was great? The way his smile was kinda crooked.
Phoebe: Yes, yes! Like the man in the shoe!
Ross: ...What shoe?
Phoebe: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'
(Dubious pause.)
Ross: ...So I think Alan will become the yardstick against which all future boyfriends will be measured.
Rachel: What future boyfriends? Nono, I th- I think this could be, y'know, it.
Monica: Really!
Chandler: Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhof impression alone. You know I'm gonna be doing that at parties, right? (Does the impression)
Ross: You know what I like most about him, though?
All: What?
Ross: The way he makes me feel about myself.
All: Yeah...
Commercial Break
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is alone as Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Joey enter dejectedly in softball gear.]
Monica: Hi.. how was the game?
Ross: Well..
All: WE WON!! Thank you! Yes!
Monica: Fantastic! I have one question: How is that possible?
Joey: Alan.
Ross: He was unbelievable. He was like that-that-that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions, right, but instead of Bugs it was first base-Alan, second base-Alan, third base-...
Rachel: I mean, it-it was like, it was like he made us into a team.
Chandler: Yep, we sure showed those Hassidic jewellers a thing or two about softball..
Monica: Can I ask you guys a question? D'you ever think that Alan is maybe.. sometimes..
Ross: What?
Monica: ..I dunno, a little too Alan?
Rachel: Well, no. That's impossible. You can never be too Alan.
Ross: Yeah, it's his, uh, innate Alan-ness that-that-that we adore.
Chandler: I personally could have a gallon of Alan.
[Scene: A street, Phoebe walks up to a homeless person (Lizzie) she knows.]
Phoebe: Hey, Lizzie.
Lizzie: Hey, Weird Girl.
Phoebe: I brought you alphabet soup.
Lizzie: Did you pick out the vowels?
Phoebe: Yes. But I left in the Ys. 'Cause, y'know, "sometimes y". Uh, I also have something else for you. (She searches in her purse.)
Lizzie: Saltines?
Phoebe: No, but would you like a thousand dollars and a football phone?
Lizzie: What? (She opens the envelope Phoebe has given her.) Oh my God, there's really money in here.
Phoebe: I know.
Lizzie: Weird Girl, what are you doing?
Phoebe: No, I want you to have it. I don't want it.
Lizzie: No, no, I ha-I have to give you something.
Phoebe: Oh, that's fine, no.
Lizzie: Would you like my tin-foil hat?
Phoebe: No. 'Cause you need that. No, it's okay, thanks.
Lizzie: Please, let me do something.
Phoebe: Okay, alright, you buy me a soda, and then we're even. Okay?
Lizzie: Okay.
Phoebe: Okay.
[Scene: Chandler's office, Chandler looks around, opens his desk drawer, takes a puff of a cigarette, sprays around some air freshener, and takes some breath spray. He types for a little while, opens the drawer again, and takes another drag of the cigarette. While not paying attention, he sprays the breath spray around the room, takes a squirt of air freshener and gags.]
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe and Lizzie are at a hot dog vendor.]
Lizzie: Keep the change. (To Phoebe) Sure you don't wanna pretzel?
Phoebe: No, I'm fine.
Lizzie: (leaves) See ya.
(Phoebe opens the can and reacts.)
Phoebe: Huh!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is telling everyone about her discovery.]
Ross: A thumb?!
(Phoebe nods.)
All: Eww!
Phoebe: I know! I know, I opened it up and there it was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker!
Chandler: Well, maybe it's a contest, y'know? Like, collect all five?
Phoebe: Does, um, anyone wanna see?
All: Nooo!
(Chandler lights a cigarette.)
All: Oh, hey, don't do that! Cut it out!
Rachel: It's worse than the thumb!
Chandler: Hey, this is so unfair!
Monica: Oh, why is it unfair?
Chandler: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? And Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word? And Monica, with that snort when she laughs? I mean, what the hell is that thing? ...I accept all those flaws, why can't you accept me for this?
(An awkward silence ensues.)
Joey: ...Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody?
Rachel: Well, I-I could live without it.
Joey: Well, is it, like, a little annoying, or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair?
(Phoebe spits out her hair.)
Ross: Oh, now, don't listen to him, Pheebs, I think it's endearing.
Joey: Oh, (Imitating Ross) "you do, do you"?
(Monica laughs and snorts.)
Ross: You know, there's nothing wrong with speaking correctly.
Rachel: "Indeed there isn't"... I should really get back to work.
Phoebe: Yeah, 'cause otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered.
Rachel: Ohh-ho-hooohhh. The hair comes out, and the gloves come on.
(They degenerate into bickering and Chandler happily starts to smoke, undisturbed.)
[Scene: Iridium, Monica and Paula are working.]
Monica: Did you ever go out with a guy your friends all really like?
Paula: No.
Monica: Okay.. Well, I'm going out with a guy my friends all really like.
Paula: Waitwait.. we talking about the coyotes here? All right, a cow got through!
Monica: Can you believe it? ...Y'know what? I just don't feel the thing. I mean, they feel the thing, I don't feel the thing.
Paula: Honey.. you should always feel the thing. Listen, if that's how you feel about the guy, Monica, dump him!
Monica: I know.. it's gonna be really hard.
Paula: Well, he's a big boy, he'll get over it.
Monica: No, he'll be fine. It's the other five I'm worried about.
[Scene: Cental Perk, Joey and Ross are persecuting Chandler about his smoking.]
Joey: Do you have any respect for your body?
Ross: Don't you realise what you're-you're doing to yourself?
Chandler: Hey, y'know, I have had it with you guys and your cancer and your emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it.
Rachel: (holding the phone out to Chandler) Chandler? It's Alan, he wants to speak to you.
Chandler: Really? He does? (taking the phone) Hey, buddy, what's up! Oh, she told you about that, huh. Well, yeah, I have one now and then. Well, yeah, now. Well, it's not that big- ..well, that's true,.. Gee, y'know, no-one- no-one's ever put it like that before. Well, okay, thanks! (He hands the phone back and stubs out his cigarette.)
Rachel: (to Ross, who has wandered up) God, he's good.
Ross: If only he were a woman.
Rachel: Yeah.
(They give each other a dubious look.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyond except Monica and Joey is watching Lambchop.]
Chandler: Ooh, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too.
Ross: Okay. I think it's time to change somebody's nicotine patch. (Does so.)
Monica: (entering) Hey. Where's Joey?
Chandler: Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?
Rachel: I think he's across the hall.
Monica: Thanks. (Goes to fetch him.)
Ross: (finishing changing Chandler's nicotine patch) There y'go.
Chandler: (deadpan) Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now.
Ross: Hey Pheebs, you gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart?.. Pheebs?
Phoebe: Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart?
Ross: Hey, I might!
Phoebe: Sorry. ..Y'know, those stupid soda people gave me seven thousand dollars for the thumb.
All: You're kidding. Oh my God.
Phoebe: And on my way over here, I stepped in gum. ...What is up with the universe?!
Joey: (dragged in by Monica, he has just gotten out of the shower) What's going on?
Monica: Nothing. I just think it's nice when we're all here together.
Joey: Even nicer when everyone gets to wear their underwear..
Rachel: Uh, Joey..
Joey: Oh, God! (Hurriedly closes his legs.)
Monica: (turns off the TV) Okay..
All: Oh! That was Lambchop!
Monica: Please, guys, we have to talk.
Phoebe: Wait, wait, I'm getting a deja vu...no, I'm not.
Monica: Alright, we have to talk.
Phoebe: There it is!
Monica: Okay. It's-it's about Alan. There's something that you should know. I mean, there's really no easy way to say this.. uh.. I've decided to break up with Alan.
(They all gasp and clutch each other.)
Ross: Is there somebody else?
Monica: No, nononono.. it's just.. things change. People change.
Rachel: We didn't change..
Joey: So that's it? It's over? Just like that?
Phoebe: You know.. you let your guard down, you start to really care about someone, and I just- I- (starts chewing her hair)
Monica: Look, I- I could go on pretending-
Joey: Okay!
Monica: -but that wouldn't be fair to me, it wouldn't be fair to Alan- It wouldn't be fair to you!
Ross: Who-who wants fair? Y'know, I just want things back. Y'know, the way they were.
Monica: I'm sorry..
Chandler: (sarcastic) Oh, she's sorry! I feel better!
Rachel: (tearful) I just can't believe this! I mean, with the holidays coming up- I wanted him to meet my family-
Monica: I'll meet somone else. There'll be other Alans.
All: Oh, yeah! Right!
Monica: Are you guys gonna be okay?
Ross: Hey hey, we'll be fine. We're just gonna need a little time.
Monica: (dubious) I understand.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica is breaking the news to Alan.]
Alan: Wow.
Monica: I'm, I'm really sorry.
Alan: Yeah, I'm sorry too. But, I gotta tell you, I am a little relieved.
Monica: Relieved?
Alan: Yeah, well, I had a great time with you.. I just can't stand your friends.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is mopping around and eating ice cream.]
Rachel: Remember when we went to Central Park and rented boats?.. That was fun.
Ross: Yeah. He could row like a viking.
Monica: (entering) Hi.
All: Mmm.
Ross: So how'd it go?
Monica: Oh, y'know..
Phoebe: Did he mention us?
Monica: He said he's really gonna miss you guys. (dubious look)
Ross: You had a rough day, huh.. c'mere. (She sits down and Ross strokes her forehead.)
Chandler: ...That's it. I'm getting cigarettes.
All: No no no!
Chandler: (leaving) I don't care, I don't care! Game's over! I'm weak! I've gotta smoke! I've gotta have the smoke!
Phoebe: (shouting as he leaves) If you never smoke again I'll give you seven thousand dollars!
Chandler: (returns) Yeah, alright.

[script] Friends 1-2 The One With the Sonogram at the End

2009-04-02T04:23:00.000-07:00

Monica: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.
Joey: Yeah, right!.......Y'serious?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah!
Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
Monica: Absolutely.
Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Ross: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.
Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.
Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.
Joey: (pause)....Are we still talking about sex?
Opening Credits
[Scene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a co-worker (Marsha) are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave people.]
Ross: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry?
Marsha: Well, she has issues.
Ross: Does she.
Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!
Ross: Marsha, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close.' See?
Marsha: Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife?
(Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit.)
Ross: (trying to ignore her) No. No.
Marsha: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi!
Ross: Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age.
(Marsha extis and Ross waves Carol into the exhibit.)
Ross:Hi.
Carol: So.
Ross: You look great. I, uh... I hate that.
Carol: Sorry. You look good too.
Ross: Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect... So what's new? Still, uh...
Carol: A lesbian?
Ross: Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the family?
Carol: Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-
Ross: Why- why are you here, Carol?
Carol: I'm pregnant.
Ross: Pregnant?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are watching Three's Company.]
Chandler: Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding.
Phoebe:...Then I've already seen this one! (Turns off the TV.)
Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with that?
Joey: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down.
Monica: Whose little ball of paper is this?!
Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead.
(Monica starts to fluff a pillow.)
Phoebe: She's already fluffed that pillow... Monica, you know, you've already fluffed that- (Monica glares at her.) -but, it's fine!
Monica: Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna give them any more ammunition than they already have.
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.
Phoebe: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way.
Joey: Yeah, calm down. You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come.
Monica: That's because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong. Y'see, he's the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born.
Chandler: (looking out the window) Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew!
Monica: What?
Chandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!
All: Eeaagh!
(Rachel enters from her room.)
Rachel: Has anybody seen my engagement ring?
Phoebe: Yeah, it's beautiful.
Rachel: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God.... (Starts to look under the couch cushions.)
Phoebe: No, look, don't touch that!
Rachel: Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him... 'Hi Barry! Remember me? I'm the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!' Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder...
Monica: Easy Rach, we'll find it. (To all) Won't we!
Chandler and Joey: Oh! Yeah!
Joey: Alright, when'd'ya have it on last?
Phoebe: Doy! Probably right before she lost it!
Chandler: You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days...
Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with...
Chandler: ...Dinah?
Rachel: (looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh, don't be mad...
Monica: You didn't.
Rachel: Oh, I am sorry...
Monica: I gave you one job! (Starts to examin the lasagne through the bottom of the glass pan.)
Rachel: Oh, but look how straight those noodles are!
Chandler: Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne...
Monica: (puts down the lasagne) I just... can't do it.
Chandler: Boys? We're going in.
(Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as there's a knock on the door which Monica answers.)
Ross: (standing outside the door).....Hi.
Monica: Wow. That is not a happy hi.
Ross: Carol's pregnant.
Phoebe: (while everyone else is stunned) Ooh! I found it!
Monica: W-w-wh-... wha-... w-w-w-...
Ross: Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am right about now. (He enters.)
Chandler: Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, Mon?
Rachel: Well now, how-how do you fit into this whole thing?
Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me.
Phoebe: She is so great! I miss her.
Monica: What does she mean by 'involved'?
Chandler: I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done.
Ross: Anyway, they want me to go down to this- sonogram thing with them tomorrow.
Rachel: So what are you gonna do?
Ross: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father.
(Joey starts to eat the rest of the lasagne and everyone turns and stares at him.)
Joey: .....Well, this is still ruined, right?
[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are pouring wine for their parents.]
Mrs. Geller: Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you. (Tastes a snack) Mmm! What's that curry taste?
Monica: Curry.
Mrs. Geller: Mmmm!
Ross: I- I think they're great! I, I really do.
Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had a thing for you, didn't she?
Mrs. Geller: They all had a thing for him.
Ross: Aw, Mom...
Monica: I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call me?
Mrs. Geller: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or.... I don't know. Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant-
Monica: No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant.
Mrs. Geller: Well, they don't have to know that... (She starts to fluff the same pillow Monica fluffed multiple times earlier.)
Monica: Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti, please?
Ross: Yeah. (They go to the kitchen.)
Mrs. Geller: Oh, we're having spaghetti! That's.... easy.
Monica: I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish, but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing? Because I think it might take some of the heat off me.
[Time Lapse, everyone is now eating.]
Mrs. Geller: What that Rachel did to her life.... We ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing very well.
Mr. Geller: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!
Mrs. Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar...
Monica: What's that supposed to mean?
Mrs. Geller: Nothing! It's an expression.
Monica: No it's not.
Mr. Geller: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, and you always have been! Even when you were a kid... and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles...
[Time Lapse.]
Mr. Geller: Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are- I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer.
[Time Lapse.]
Mr. Geller: ...And I read about these women trying to have it all, and I thank God 'Our Little Harmonica' doesn't seem to have that problem.
Monica: (trying desperately to change the subject) So, Ross, what's going on with you? Any stories? (Digs her elbow into his hand.) No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks?
Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
(Stunned silence ensues.)
Mrs. Geller: (To Monica) And you knew about this?!
Commercial Break
[Scene: Central Park, everyone's there.]
Joey: Your folks are really that bad, huh?
Ross: Well, y'know, these people are pros. They know what they're doing, they take their time, they get the job done.
Monica: Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents,... boy, if you could- (To Ross) -I'd want yours.
Ross: Must pee. (Goes to pee.)
Phoebe: Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins.
Rachel: You're twins?
Phoebe: Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this high-powered, driven career type.
Chandler: What does she do?
Phoebe: She's a waitress.
Rachel: All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now. (They all start to leave.)
Monica: Chandler, you're an only child, right? You don't have any of this.
Chandler: Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend, who... my parents actually preferred.
Rachel: The lights, please..
(Joey turns off the lights, and they all leave as Rachel starts to clean up. Ross enters from the bathroom.)
Ross: ...How long was I in there?
Rachel: I'm just cleaning up.
Ross: D'ya.. uh.. d'ya need any help?
Rachel: Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks! (She hands him the broom and sits down.)
Ross: Anyway.. um.. (Starts to sweep.) So, you- uh- you nervous about Barry tomorrow?
Rachel: Oh.. a little..
Ross: Mm-hmm..
Rachel: A lot.
Ross: Mm.
Rachel: So, got any advice? Y'know, as someone who's recently been- dumped?
Ross: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN...
Rachel: Oh, you've got Carol tomorrow.. When did it get so complicated?
Ross: Got me.
Rachel: Remember when we were in high school together?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet somone, fall in love- and that'd be it? (Ross gazes at her.) ..Ross?
Ross: Yes, yes!
Rachel: Oh! Man, I never thought I'd be here.. (She leans back onto his hand.)
Ross: Me either... (He pulls up a stool so that he doesn't have to move his hand.)
[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, Carol is waiting.]
Ross: (entering) Sorry I'm late, I was stuck at work. There was this big dinosaur.. thing.. anyway.
(Susan enters holding a drink.)
Susan: Hi.
Carol: Ross, you remember Susan.
Ross: How could I forget?
Susan: Ross.
Ross: (they shake hands) Hello, Susan. (To Carol) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...?
Carol: Dr. Oberman.
Ross: ..Dr. Oberman. Okay. And is he-
Susan: She.
Ross: -she, of course, she- uh- familiar with our.. special situation?
Carol: Yes, and she's very supportive.
Ross: Okay, that's great. (Susan gives her drink to Carol.) No, I'm- Oh.
Carol: Thanks.
Ross: (picks up a surgical instrament and mimes a duck with it) Quack, quack..
Carol: Ross? That opens my cervix. (He drops it in horror.)
[Scene Barry's office, Barry is working on patient, Robbie, as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Barry?
Barry: C'mon in.
Rachel: (hesitates) Are you sure?
Barry: Yeah! It's fine, it's fine. Robbie's gonna be here for hours.
Robbie: Huh?!
Barry: So, how ya doin?
Rachel: I'm- uh- I'm okay... You look great!
Barry: Yeah, well..
Bernice: (over intercom) Dr. Farber, Jason Greenstein's gagging.
Barry: (answering the intercom) Be right there. (To Robbie and Rachel) Be back in a sec.
(As Barry exits Robbie stares at Rachel.)
Rachel: I dumped him.
Robbie: Okay.
[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're talking about how this is going to work.]
Ross: So, um- so how's this, uh, how's this gonna work? Y'know, with us? Y'know, when, like, important decisions have to be made?
Carol: Give me a 'for instance'.
Ross: Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay, how about with the, uh, with the baby's name?
Carol: Marlon-
Ross: Marlon?!
Carol: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.
Ross: ...As in Mouse?
Carol: As in my grandmother.
Ross: Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse. Um, how about, um.. how about Julia?
Carol: Julia..
Susan: We agreed on Minnie.
Ross: 'S'funny, um, uh, we agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Things change, roll with the punches. I believe Julia's on the table..?
[Scene: Barry's office, Rachel is doing her makeup in the mirror on Barry's lamp as Barry enters.]
Barry: Sorry about that. So. What have you been up to?
Rachel: Oh, not much. I-I got a job.
Barry: Oh, that's great.
Rachel: Why are- why are you so tanned?
Barry: Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba.
Rachel: Oh no. You went on our honeymoon alone?
Barry: No. I went with, uh.. Now, this may hurt.
Robbie: Me?!
Barry: No! (To Rachel) I went with Mindy.
Rachel: Mindy?! My maid of honour, Mindy?!
Barry: Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now.
Rachel: Oh! Well, um.. (Grabs his forehand) You've got plugs!
Barry: Careful! They haven't quite taken yet.
Rachel: And you've got lenses! But you hate sticking your finger in your eye!
Barry: Not for her. Listen, I really wanted to thank you.
Rachel: Okay..
Barry: See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist.
Rachel: Wow.
Barry: You know, you were right? I mean, I thought we were happy. We weren't happy. But with Mindy, now I'm happy. Spit.
Rachel: What?
Robbie: Me. (Spits.)
Rachel: Anyway, um, (Gets the ring out of her purse.) I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me.
Barry: Well, thank you for giving it back.
(Barry and Rachel look at each other.)
Robbie: Hello?!
[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're still arguing about what to name the baby.]
Susan: Oh, please! What's wrong with Helen?
Ross: Helen Geller? I don't think so.
Carol: Hello? It's not gonna be Helen Geller.
Ross: Thank you!
Carol: No, I mean it's not Geller.
Ross: What, it's gonna be Helen Willick?
Carol: No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Willick-Bunch.
Ross: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title?
Susan: It's my baby too.
Ross: Oh, 's'funny, really? Um, I don't remember you making any sperm.
Susan: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!
Carol: All right, you two, stop it!
Ross: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too.
Carol: Ross. You're not actually suggesting Helen Willick-Bunch-Geller? 'Cause I think that borders on child abuse.
Ross: Of course not, I'm... suggesting Geller-Willick-Bunch.
Susan: Oh, no, nonononono, you see what he's doing? He knows no-one's gonna say all those names, so they'll wind up calling her Geller, then he gets his way!
Ross: My way?! You-you think this is my way? Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being, this is not my way- y'know what? Uh, um, this is too hard. I'm not, I can't do-
Dr. Oberman: (entering) Knock knock!How are we today? Any nausea?
All: Yeah. Yeah. A little.
Dr. Oberman: Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, but.. thanks for sharing. (To Carol) Uh, lie back..
Ross: You- uh- y'know what, I'm gonna go. I don't- I don't think I can be involved in this particular thing right now.
(He turns to go, but the sound of the sonogram catches hes ear. He returns and stares at it.)
Ross: Oh my God.
Susan: Look at that.
Carol: I know.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, everyone is watching the tape of the sonogram. Rachel is on the phone.]
Ross: Well? Isn't that amazing?
Joey: What are we supposed to be seeing here?
Chandler: I dunno, but.. I think it's about to attack the Enterprise.
Phoebe: You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato.
Ross: Then don't do that, alright?
Phoebe: Okay!
Ross: (walks over to where Monica is standing)Monica. Whaddya think?
Monica: (welling up) Mm-hmm.
Ross: Wh- are you welling up?
Monica: No.
Ross: You are, you're welling up.
Monica: Am not!
Ross: You're gonna be an aunt.
Monica: (pushes him and starts to cry) Oh shut up!
Rachel: (on phone) Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Mind, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose. (Slams the phone down.) (To everyone) Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now.

[script] Friends 1-1 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate

2009-04-02T04:20:00.000-07:00

[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]
Monica: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with!
Joey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!
Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?
(They all stare, bemused.)
Phoebe: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!
Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.
[Time Lapse]
Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.
All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.
Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.
Joey: Instead of...?
Chandler: That's right.
Joey: Never had that dream.
Phoebe: No.
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
Monica: And they weren't looking at you before?!
Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!
[Time Lapse, Ross has entered.]
Ross: (mortified) Hi.
Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.
Monica: Are you okay, sweetie?
Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...
Chandler: Cookie?
Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today.
Joey: Ohh.
Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.
Ross: Thanks.
Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)
Ross: No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay?
Phoebe: Fine! Be murky!
Ross: I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy.
Monica: No you don't.
Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!
Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...
Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know?
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?
Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.
Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was what? A wrong number?
Ross: Sorry.
Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?
(Ross gestures his consent.)
Joey: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!
Ross: I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married again!
(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)
Monica: Rachel?!
Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!
Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?
Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
Rachel: Hi, sure!
Ross: Hi.
(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)
Monica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
Rachel: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee)Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. (to Monica) So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
Monica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue... [Scene: Monica's Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going on.]
Monica: Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it.
Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide!
Ross: (in a deep voice) I'll have whatever Christine is having.
Rachel: (on phone) Daddy, I just... I can't marry him! I'm sorry. I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me!
(The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.)
Phoebe: If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off.
Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.
Joey: I say push her down the stairs.
Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
(She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers.)
Rachel: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.
Rachel: Look Daddy, it's my life. Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.
Monica: Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica...
Rachel: Well, maybe that's my decision. Well, maybe I don't need your money. Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!!
[Time Lapse, Rachel is breating into a paper bag.]
Monica: Just breathe, breathe.. that's it. Just try to think of nice calm things...
Phoebe: (sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens... La la la la...something and noodles with string. These are a few...
Rachel: I'm all better now.
Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.) I helped!
Monica: Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y'know? Independence. Taking control of your life. The whole, 'hat' thing.
Joey: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he's away a lot.
Monica: Joey, stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day!
Joey: What, like there's a rule or something?
(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.)
Chandler: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.
Paul: (over the intercom) It's, uh, it's Paul.
Monica: Oh God, is it 6:30? Buzz him in!
Joey: Who's Paul?
Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?
Monica: Maybe. Joey: Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy?
Ross: He finally asked you out?
Monica: Yes!
Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.
Monica: Rach, wait, I can cancel...
Rachel: Please, no, go, that'd be fine!
Monica: (to Ross) Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?
Ross: (choked voice) That'd be good...
Monica: (horrified) Really?
Ross: (normal voice) No, go on! It's Paul the Wine Guy!
Phoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? (Chandler doesn't know.)
(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.)
Monica: Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. (They are all lined up next to the door.)... everybody, everybody, this is Paul.
All: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!
Chandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
Monica: Okay, umm-umm, I'll just--I'll be right back, I just gotta go ah, go ah...
Ross: A wandering?
Monica: Change! Okay, sit down. (Shows Paul in) Two seconds.
Phoebe: Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.
(Monica goes to change.)
Joey: Hey, Paul!
Paul: Yeah?
Joey: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.
Monica: (yelling from the bedroom) Shut up, Joey!
Ross: So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight?
Rachel: Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing!
Ross: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- (thinks) -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.
Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, and we're very excited about it.
Rachel: Well actually thanks, but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight. It's been kinda a long day.
Ross: Okay, sure.
Joey: Hey Pheebs, you wanna help?
Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.
Commercial Break
[Scene: The Subway, Phoebe is singing for change.]
Phoebe: (singing) Love is sweet as summer showers, love is a wondrous work of art, but your love oh your love, your love...is like a giant pigeon...crapping on my heart. La-la-la-la-la- (some guy gives her some change and to that guy) Thank you. (sings) La-la-la-la...ohhh!
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, the guys are there assembling furniture.]
Ross: (squatting and reading the instructions) I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs.
(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)
Joey: I'm thinking we've got a bookcase here.
Chandler: It's a beautiful thing.
Joey: (picking up a leftover part) What's this?
Chandler: I would have to say that is an 'L'-shaped bracket.
Joey: Which goes where?
Chandler: I have no idea.
(Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant.)
Joey: Done with the bookcase!
Chandler: All finished!
Ross: (clutching a beer can and sniffing) This was Carol's favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should have known.
Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, if you're gonna start with that stuff we're outta here.
Chandler: Yes, please don't spoil all this fun.
Joey: Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get?
Ross: You guys.
Chandler: Oh, God.
Joey: You got screwed.
Chandler: Oh my God!
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.]
Monica: Oh my God!
Paul: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?
Monica: My brother's going through that right now, he's such a mess. How did you get through it?
Paul: Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her-
Monica: -leg?
Paul: (laughing) That's one way! Me, I- I went for the watch.
Monica: You actually broke her watch? Wow! The worst thing I ever did was, I-I shredded by boyfriend's favorite bath towel.
Paul: Ooh, steer clear of you.
Monica: That's right. [Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is talking on the phone and pacing.]
Rachel: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway...look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn't me, it's not me. And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too... (The maching cuts her off again and she redials.)
[Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture.]
Ross: I'm divorced! I'm only 26 and I'm divorced!
Joey: Shut up!
Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)
Ross: That only took me an hour.
Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it! I don't think that was my point!
Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...
Joey: What are you talking about? 'One woman'? That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!
Ross: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.]
Paul: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...
Monica: What?..... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?
Paul: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.
Monica: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?
Paul: Isn't there?
Monica: Yeah... yeah, I think there is. -What were you gonna say?
Paul: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform. (Monica takes a sip of her drink.) ...Sexually.
Monica: (spitting out her drink in shock) Oh God, oh God, I am sorry... I am so sorry...
Paul: It's okay...
Monica: I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now. Um... how long?
Paul: Two years.
Monica: Wow! I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch!
Paul: So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?
Monica: (pause)...Yeah. Yeah, I do.
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is watching Joanne Loves Chaci.]
Priest on TV: We are gathered here today to join Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles, Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola in the bound of holy matrimony.
Rachel: Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi! That's the difference!
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, they're all sitting around and talking.]
Ross: (scornful) Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon? Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything to you?
Joey: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea--Angela--Andrea... Oh man, (looks to Chandler)
Chandler: Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats.
Joey: Right. Thanks. It's June. I'm outta here. (Exits.)
Ross: Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonna ask? (He gazes out of the window.)
[Cut to Rachel staring out of her window.]
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for Joey and Chandler.]
Rachel: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.
Chandler: That is amazing.
Joey: Congratulations.
Rachel: Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee, there isn't anything I can't do.
Chandler: If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do.
Joey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something... (Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I'm really not that hungry...
Monica: (entering, to herself) Oh good, Lenny and Squigy are here.
All: Morning. Good morning.
Paul: (entering from Monica's room) Morning.
Joey: Morning, Paul.
Rachel: Hello, Paul.
Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?
(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)
Paul: Thank you! Thank you so much!
Monica: Stop!
Paul: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness.
Monica: We'll talk later.
Paul: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits)
Joey: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date?
Monica: Shut up, and put my table back.
All: Okayyy! (They do so.)
Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference...
Rachel: So, like, you guys all have jobs?
Monica: Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that's how we buy stuff.
Joey: Yeah, I'm an actor.
Rachel: Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?
Joey: I doubt it. Mostly regional work.
Monica: Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park.
Joey: Look, it was a job all right?
Chandler: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'
Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.)
Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."
Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.)
Monica: So how you doing today? Did you sleep okay? Talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling.
Rachel: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.
Monica: I know, he's just so, so... Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco?
Rachel: Oh, yeah.
Monica: Well, it's like that. With feelings.
Rachel: Oh wow. Are you in trouble.
Monica: Big time!
Rachel: Want a wedding dress? Hardly used.
Monica: I think we are getting a little ahead of selves here. Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.
Rachel: Oh, look, wish me luck!
Monica: What for?
Rachel: I'm gonna go get one of those (Thinks) job things.
(Monica exits.)
[Scene: Iridium, Monica is working as Frannie enters.]
Frannie: Hey, Monica!
Monica: Hey Frannie, welcome back! How was Florida?
Frannie: You had sex, didn't you?
Monica: How do you do that?
Frannie: Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you're having sex! So? Who?
Monica: You know Paul?
Frannie: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul.
Monica: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?
Frannie: Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.]
Joey: (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it was a line!
Monica: Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?
Ross: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than 'to get you into bed'.
Monica: I hate men! I hate men!
Phoebe: Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put that out into the universe.
Monica: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
Phoebe: All right, c'mere, gimme your feet. (She starts massaging them.)
Monica: I just thought he was nice, y'know?
Joey: (bursts out laughing again) I can't believe you didn't know it was a line!
(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a shopping bag.)
Rachel: Guess what?
Ross: You got a job?
Rachel: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.
Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
Rachel: You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off!
Chandler: Oh, how well you know me...
Rachel: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots!
Monica: How'd you pay for them?
Rachel: Uh, credit card.
Monica: And who pays for that?
Rachel: Um... my... father.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table. Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]
Rachel: Oh God, come on you guys, is this really necessary? I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want.
Monica: C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life.
Rachel: I know that. That's why I was getting married.
Phoebe: Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.
Rachel: Thank you.
Phoebe: You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.
(Pause)
Ross: The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'...
Monica: All right, you ready?
Rachel: No. No, no, I'm not ready! How can I be ready? "Hey, Rach! You ready to jump out the airplane without your parachute?" Come on, I can't do this!
Monica: You can, I know you can!
Rachel: I don't think so.
Ross: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)
Ross: C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,...
All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut... (She cuts one of them and they cheer.)
Rachel: Y'know what? I think we can just leave it at that. It's kinda like a symbolic gesture...
Monica: Rachel! That was a library card!
All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut..
Chandler: (as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.
(She finishes cutting them up and they all cheer.)
Monica: Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love it!
[Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel finishes it's broadcast day by playing the national anthem.]
Monica: Well, that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash on the couch?
Ross: No. No, I gotta go home sometime.
Monica: You be okay?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor. (Monica smiles.) What?
Monica: That's Paul's watch. You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody.
Ross and Rachel: Goodnight.
(Monica stomps on Paul's watch and goes into her room.)
Ross: Mmm. (They both reach for the last cookie) Oh, no-
Rachel: Sorry-
Ross: No no no, go-
Rachel: No, you have it, really, I don't want it-
Ross: Split it?
Rachel: Okay.
Ross: Okay. (They split it.) You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you.
Rachel: I knew.
Ross: You did! Oh.... I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother.
Rachel: I did.
Ross: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?
Rachel: Yeah, maybe...
Ross: Okay... okay, maybe I will...
Rachel: Goodnight.
Ross: Goodnight.
(Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters the living room as Ross is leaving.)
Monica: See ya.... Waitwait, what's with you?
Ross: I just grabbed a spoon. (Ross exits and Monica has no idea what that means.)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]
Joey: I can't believe what I'm hearing here.
Phoebe: (sings) I can't believe what I'm hearing here...
Monica: What? I-I said you had a-
Phoebe: (sings) What I said you had...
Monica: (to Phoebe) Would you stop?
Phoebe: Oh, was I doing it again?
All: Yes!
Monica: I said that you had a nice butt, it's just not a great butt.
Joey: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya.
Ross: There's an image.
Rachel: (walks up with a pot of coffee) Would anybody like more coffee?
Chandler: Did you make it, or are you just serving it?
Rachel: I'm just serving it.
All: Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.
Chandler: Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. (Rachel sits down to hear Chandler's dream.)
Customer: (To Rachel) Ahh, miss? More coffee?
Rachel: Ugh. (To another customer that's leaving.) Excuse me, could you give this to that guy over there? (Hands him the coffee pot.) Go ahead. (He does so.) Thank you. (To the gang.) Sorry. Okay, Las Vegas.
Chandler: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli-

[Week5] What is your study goal for this year?

2009-03-31T09:40:00.000-07:00

What is your study goal for this year? Is English a part of your goal? What do you plan to achieve your goal?

My study goal of this year entirely depends on English. Preparing for Toefl ibt test, participating in English camp, earning allowance by tutoring and so on. In this coming summer vacation, I want to volunteer to help Korean students from abroad, introducing Seoul, help them learn Korean. And I am going to join the English camp as the assistant teacher. I can earn money by work as assistant teacher!
At usual time, I will watch dramas without subtitle, and try to memorize all the expression that used in the drama. One more thing. I will memorize 'President Address' of Bush's and Obama's. It will help me to use high level of English freely.

Tell us about your dream. What do you hope to do 10 years later?

My future goal is to become an independent and unbiased international civil servant. Here is my plan to become a one. In 2011, when I become 21, I want to go to one of the country in europe to experience lots of NGO or UN organizations as exchange students. In 2012, when I become 22, I want to go to England to study and learn English more deeply and experience England English. In 2013, when I become 23, the last year of my university life, I want to work as internship at UNESCO or UNICEF or other NGOs in Korea. In 2014, when I become 24, after I graduate university, I want to enter the international graduate school in Korea or in abroad if the financial situation allow. In 2019, when I become 29 or before 29, I want to get married. I don't care about my husband's nationality, race or age but he should be like real grown-up. In 2020, when I become 30, I want to get job at UNESCO. And I want to work for people who need me. When I become 45, I want to work for Korean Government as competent diplomat. And when I become 65, I want to retire and found a school that teaches Korean Tradition to foreigners and young students.

The Pussycat Dolls - When I Grow Up

2009-03-26T22:46:00.000-07:00

Pussycat dolls - When I grow up [New Live @ Jimmy Kimmel]

2009-03-26T22:23:00.000-07:00

Bad audio system

Pussycat Dolls - Wait a Minute

2009-03-26T22:20:00.000-07:00

My FAVORITE SONG!!!!!

The Pussycat Dolls - Don't Cha

2009-03-26T22:06:00.000-07:00

The Pussycat Dolls!!

Gorgeous

The Pussycat Dolls - Wait a Minute (Manchester)

2009-03-26T21:23:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that they are at their late 20's.

The Pussycat Dolls - Show Me What You Got (Manchester)

2009-03-26T21:13:00.000-07:00

I love this movie so much!

I can see their personal charctor.

I can believe that they are at their 30's or late 20's.

[Week4] What language areas do you think ... ?

2009-03-24T08:48:00.000-07:00

▶ What language areas do you think you particularly want work on to be a well qualified English teacher?
I think each area has important meaning to be a well qualified English teacher. But teaching ability is the most important qualification.Some people think that intelligent teachers are good teachers. However teaching the knowlegde is more important than knowing the knowlegde. To TEACH someone something means to make them think, feel, or act in a new or different way. Having great deal of knowledge doesn't always mean he or she can help students to understand the lecture. Forthemore, I regard having a lot of information as the basic qualification. Well qualified teacher should have great ablitiy to help student learn the knowledge.

Gemma Ward, Heather Marks, and Lily Cole

2009-03-17T21:20:00.000-07:00

All of my favorite ModelS!!!!

Lily Cole Model Profile

2009-03-17T21:13:00.000-07:00

Lily Cole was born in Torbay, England on May 19, 1988, and raised in London with her two siblings. A chance encounter began her modelling career when she was fourteen. She was walking through the streets of Soho after a hamburger with friends when scout-turned actor Benjamin Hart approached her. Cole ran, fearing she was being chased by 'some dodgey guy' but after being asked if she considered modelling she accepted and was signed on with Storm Models, the mother agency of supermodels such as Kate Moss and Cindy Crawford.
Cole's big break came in 2003 when the photographer Steven Meisel's eye was caught by her combination of long limbs, pale skin and fiery red hair. It was on that photoshoot, her first 'only girl' story for Italian Vogue, that Cole was catapulted into the spotlight as one of the leading new faces of the year. Since then, Cole has worked with many photographers, including Craig McDean, Vincent Peters, Nick Knight, Paolo Roversi, Solve Sundsbo, Tim Walker, Juergen Teller, David Baily, Miles Aldrige, Arthur Elgort, Inez Van Lamsweerde, Vindooth Matadin and Irving Penn.

Cole is featured regularly in top fashion magazines such as Vogue (American, Italian, British, Japanese and Korean), Numero, 10, Citizen K, and V. She has also appeared on the cover of Numero and twice for British Vogue. In November of 2004, the British Fashion Awards named Lily 'Model of the Year'. In addition, Cole has featured in numerous advertising campaigns for designers such as Prada, Chanel, Christian Lacroix, Hermes, Moschino, Longchamp, Cacheral, Topshop, Anna Sui Cosmetics, as well as being the face for Moschino's perfume 'I Love Love.'

She is a common sight on the catwalks of the international runway circuit and has worked for Chanel, Christian Lacroix, Hermes, Moschino, Anna Sui, Jean Paul Gaultier, Alexander McQueen, John Galliano, Louis Vuitton, Giles Deacon and Julien Macdonald.

She is seen as part of a new wave of models, who have "doll-like" or "elfin" features, along with models Heather Marks, Gemma Ward, and Devon Aoki. She is also one of very few red-headed models, others being Cintia Dicker and Jessica Stam.

Despite her successful modelling career, Cole retains a commitment to her education - achieving straight 'A's in her AS-level examinations in English, History, Drama and Philosophy at Hammersmith private school Latymer Upper. She has a conditional place to read Social and Political Science at the University of Cambridge.

Recently, Lily Cole was picked to star in PHANTASMAGORIA: The Visions Of Lewis Carroll, an adaptation of the Alice In Wonderland stories by Lewis Carroll, which will be directed by rock star Marilyn Manson.

Lily Cole

2009-03-17T21:11:00.000-07:00

Lily Cole

Lily Cole was born in Torbay, England on May 19, 1988, and raised in London with her two siblings. A chance encounter began her modelling career when she was fourteen. She was walking through the streets of Soho after a hamburger with friends when scout-turned actor Benjamin Hart approached her. Cole ran, fearing she was being chased by 'some dodgey guy' but after being asked if she considered modelling she accepted and was signed on with Storm Models, the mother agency of supermodels such as Kate Moss and Cindy Crawford.
Cole's big break came in 2003 when the photographer Steven Meisel's eye was caught by her combination of long limbs, pale skin and fiery red hair. It was on that photoshoot, her first 'only girl' story for Italian Vogue, that Cole was catapulted into the spotlight as one of the leading new faces of the year. Since then, Cole has worked with many photographers, including Craig McDean, Vincent Peters, Nick Knight, Paolo Roversi, Solve Sundsbo, Tim Walker, Juergen Teller, David Baily, Miles Aldrige, Arthur Elgort, Inez Van Lamsweerde, Vindooth Matadin and Irving Penn.
Cole is featured regularly in top fashion magazines such as Vogue (American, Italian, British, Japanese and Korean), Numero, 10, Citizen K, and V. She has also appeared on the cover of Numero and twice for British Vogue. In November of 2004, the British Fashion Awards named Lily 'Model of the Year'. In addition, Cole has featured in numerous advertising campaigns for designers such as Prada, Chanel, Christian Lacroix, Hermes, Moschino, Longchamp, Cacheral, Topshop, Anna Sui Cosmetics, as well as being the face for Moschino's perfume 'I Love Love.'
She is a common sight on the catwalks of the international runway circuit and has worked for Chanel, Christian Lacroix, Hermes, Moschino, Anna Sui, Jean Paul Gaultier, Alexander McQueen, John Galliano, Louis Vuitton, Giles Deacon and Julien Macdonald.
She is seen as part of a new wave of models, who have "doll-like" or "elfin" features, along with models Heather Marks, Gemma Ward, and Devon Aoki. She is also one of very few red-headed models, others being Cintia Dicker and Jessica Stam.
Despite her successful modelling career, Cole retains a commitment to her education - achieving straight 'A's in her AS-level examinations in English, History, Drama and Philosophy at Hammersmith private school Latymer Upper. She has a conditional place to read Social and Political Science at the University of Cambridge.
Recently, Lily Cole was picked to star in PHANTASMAGORIA: The Visions Of Lewis Carroll, an adaptation of the Alice In Wonderland stories by Lewis Carroll, which will be directed by rock star Marilyn Manson.

Fashion TV FTV - MODELS GEMMA WARD - FIRST FACE NEW YORK

2009-03-17T21:04:00.000-07:00

FIRST FACE TALKS GEMMA WARD

2009-03-17T21:01:00.000-07:00

Gemma Ward

2009-03-17T20:55:00.000-07:00

Gemma Ward

Early life
Ward was born in Perth, Western Australia, as the second child of Gary and Claire Ward. Her older sister, Sophie Ward is also a model and she has younger twin brothers, Oscar and Henry Ward. She was educated at the Presbyterian Ladies’ College, Perth and Shenton College.
As said herself in a Teen Vogue interview, she accompanied her friends to a modelling competition and ended up being scouted herself:
I had come straight from my auntie and uncle’s farm, and I was wearing this big gray barn jacket with mud all over it. When the scout came up to me, I said, ‘No, thank you.’ But my friends were like, ‘Hell, yes!’ They forged my mum’s signature [for mandatory parental consent], and pushed me in front of the cameras.
Ward didn’t win the competition, but Vivien’s Model Agency picked her up after seeing a small picture of her in [Kurv], a quarterly, internationally focused, Australian produced, Fashion Arts Beauty Culture and Style magazine.

Career
At only sixteen, Ward was the youngest model to be listed by American Vogue as one of the nine “It Girls” in the modeling world. She has been in shows for designers such as Versace, Gucci, Chanel, Valentino, Alexander McQueen, and many more. Ward has also graced magazine covers such as Vogue, W, and TIME Magazine’s Style and Design issue. In September 2004, at the age of 16, Ward became the youngest fashion model on the cover of the American edition of Vogue and was the first model to appear on the cover of Teen Vogue magazine. She is the first model since Kate Moss to be the face for Calvin Klein’s perfume “Obsession Night for Men” along with Philadelphia male model, Drew Keilt.

To date Ward’s clients have included Balenciaga, Burberry, Calvin Klein, Christian Dior, Dolce & Gabbana, Hermès, Jean-Paul Gaultier, Jil Sander, Karl Lagerfeld, Louis Vuitton, Prada, Rochas, Swarovski, Valentino and Yves Saint-Laurent, and, altogether, Ward has appeared on 61 covers of Vogue magazine worldwide.
British photographer Nick Knight stated, “Gemma is one of the very, very few models who look as though they come from another dimension.” Fashion designer Lazaro Hernandez of Proenza Schouler told Teen Vogue in February 2006 that, “She looked like no one else at the time. She was this alien, and fashion is always looking for newness.” Her look inspired a new generation of baby doll-like models such as Vlada Roslyakova, Heather Marks, and Jessica Stam.
In Allure magazine, Ward is described as “the model of the moment.” Allure’s creative director Paul Cavaco knows why: “We went through a period that was very va-va-voom, but now the pendulum has swung back. Gemma is ethereal, not earthy.” Photographer Michael Thompson says, “She’s an exotic blonde, the rarest of creatures.”

Ward has long aspired to pursue acting and drama is a passion that she has held since she was a child. She has been cast in Australian director Elissa Down’s upcoming film The Black Balloon also starring Toni Collette and Rhys Wakefield, as the girlfriend of a boy whose brother has autism. The Black Balloon had its world premiere at the Berlin International Film Festival in Germany in February 2008, where it received a Crystal Bear as the best feature-length film in the Generation 14plus category. She was also cast opposite Liv Tyler in the suspense thriller The Strangers as one of the three masked intruders, “Doll Face”. She also appeared in the music video for “Daughters” by John Mayer.
Ward appeared on the cover of the first issue of Vogue India in 2007; photographed by famed photographer Patrick Demarchelier. This is the second time Ward has appeared on an inaugural issue—the first time being the first-ever cover of Vogue China in 2005.
In July 2007, earning at an estimated total of $3 million in the past 12 months, Forbes named her tenth in the list of the World’s 15 Top-Earning Supermodels.

Personal life

Ward lives in New York and is close friends with fellow models Lily Donaldson, Caroline Winberg, Daria Werbowy, and Lily Cole.
In early 2008, Ward was reported to have been seeing actor Heath Ledger after media articles linked the two together at end of 2007 holiday celebrations, shortly before Ledger’s untimely death of an accidental drug overdose on January 22.

[Week3] What type of learner are you?

2009-03-17T20:50:00.001-07:00

▶ What type of learner are you?
I am so-called 'Enjoying Learner'. I like to learn things by listening to music, watching historical movies, or experiencing by myself. Of course, it is difficult to learn English. So I try not to get stressed by learning English. Instead I keep trying to enjoy learning it. So I improve my listening skill by watching my favorite English drama without subtitle. It really helped me a lot.

▶ Tell us about the results of three different tests.
I try to handle things with due regard for the other person’s feelings, because I generally listen to other people's idea. I can lead group discussion. I am Sociable, popular, sympathetic. I also responsive to praise and criticism. Finally I am responsive and responsible.

▶ Are these results surprising or confirming you?

Actually this test did surprise me, because it really explained my personality well. I generally feel concern for what others think, which is not that independent. I always care about what other people think about me. I think this is very bad habit.

▶ What did you learn about this activity?
The result was absolutly right. It explained me in everyway. Actually when I took this test, I was worrying because I didn't know about myself. Which means I not sure what I am. But After I saw the result, it feels like I am realizing myself!

The result of Jung's test

ENFJ
Responsive and responsible. Generally feel real concern for what others think or want, and try to handle things with due regard for the other person’s feelings. Can present a proposal or lead a group discussion with ease and tact. Sociable, popular, sympathetic. Responsive to praise and criticism.
introvert=3
sensory=4
intuitive=6
thinking=-5
feeling=9
judging=6
perceiving=3
Expression=22
Acquisition=-12
Processing=-88
Implementation=17
-->
Your Type is ENFJ
Extraverted 22
Intuitive 12
Feeling 88
Judging 17
Strength of the preferences %

Interview with Jessica Stam

2009-03-17T20:20:00.000-07:00

Jessica Stam

2009-03-17T20:18:00.000-07:00

Jessica Stam

She is one of my favorite models.

She just look like a CAT!

First Name: Jessica
Last Name: Stam
Nationality: Canadian
Hair Color: Red
Eye Color: Blue
Date of Birth: April 23 - 1986
Place of Birth: Kincardine, Ontario, Canada
Height: 5'10" ; 178cm
Measurements: (US) 34-24-34 ; (EU) 86.5-61-86.5
Dress Size: (US) 4 ; (EU) 34
Shoe Size: (US) 9 ; (EU) 41
Agencies:
IMG PARIS , MILAN, LONDON and NEW YORK-
International Model Management' "Michele Miller".
SomeMagazine Covers:
Canada: 'Toronto Fashion' - March 2004 France: 'Numéro' - August 2004 Italy: 'Vogue' - September & November 2003;'Vogue' - July & August 2004; 'Vogue Supplement' - September 2004Japan: 'Vogue' - November 2004, May 2006 UK: 'Vogue' - August 2006 US: 'i-D' - September 2004
Notes:
- Michele Miller, an agent at "International Model Management"Agency in Canada, found Jessica in a local coffee shop.Michele Miller named her daughter Summer Jessica.Michele is Great Person . Ciao Michele by Roby.
Jessica has a chinese words tattoo on her foot.It is basically three ancient Chinese characters that mean(from left to right): Good Fortune, Prosperity, Harmony.Thanx to Zhao.

Fergie - live in Japan

2009-03-14T23:09:00.000-07:00

Live in Japan!

Here I come, London bridge and introducing Giorgio Armani.

Party People LIVE JVMA 2008

2009-03-14T23:01:00.000-07:00

My goddness!

I envy those Japanese!!!!!

Fantasic performance.

Party People - Nelly feat. Fergie

2009-03-14T22:47:00.000-07:00

I love Nelly, too!

Even Fergie is middle of tens of men, she look strong.

She is both sexy and powerful.

The Black Eyed Peas - My Humps (Live)

2009-03-14T22:41:00.000-07:00

Fergie is member one of The Black Eyed Peas!

Fergie - London Bridge & Fergalicious LIVE

2009-03-14T22:37:00.000-07:00

Fergie - Fergalicious(live nrj music awards 2007)

2009-03-14T22:35:00.000-07:00

Fergie - glamourous

2009-03-14T22:30:00.000-07:00

She is also my favorite singer!

As you can see in her video, she is very creative.

Sometimes she is manish, sometimes sexy, sometimes gorgeous.

She can change to any concept!

[ Diary] FRESHMEN & SOPHOMORE

2009-03-14T21:17:00.000-07:00

We had meeting with senior students last night just like one week ago. This time only freshmen and sophomore had attended. These day I have great time with my classmates. We know each other well, and intimate with all of my classmates. But it is really difficult to intimate with sophomores. So it wasn't that fun as I expected.
My mom kept calling me to return to home early. But I don't know how to tell head senior 'I should go home!' It made me annoying.

Thank god it's Saturday!

Hye Park - Bazaar UK Octo.

2009-03-10T23:20:00.000-07:00

Hye Park
She is from Korea.
And now she is one of the most famous model in the world.

It took so many time to creat this new post!

Carrie Underwood performs 'Before He Cheats' Live at CMA Festival 2007

2009-03-10T23:16:00.000-07:00

Carrie Underwood performs Before He Cheats Live at CMA Festival 2007

This is my favorite song of hers.

Carrie Underwood - I'll Stand By You

2009-03-10T23:12:00.000-07:00

This video is very meaningful!!

Carrie Underwood - Ever Ever After

2009-03-10T23:08:00.000-07:00

She is one of my favorite singers!

Her voice is strong and powerful. That's why I love her songs.

3Oh!3 - Don't Trust Me

2009-03-10T23:01:00.000-07:00

This music video is a little bit sensational, but the this song is my favorite!

[Week2] What type of English teacher do you want to be?

2009-03-10T09:03:00.000-07:00

What type of English teacher do you want to be? Describe an idealistic figure of English teacher in your mind and explain why.

I really want to be a pratical teacher. It is true that teaching grammers and testing vocabulary will be good for the students. But it is no use in practical situation. Korean students, including me, don't understand English conversation and can't speak even a short english word. They should be exposed to must-use-English situation. So in the future, I will train students to speak confidentally and loudly. Even his or her sentence will be grammatically wrong but I will praise them and encourage them to speak English.

[ Diary ] first meeting with seniors and classmates

2009-03-07T00:47:00.000-08:00

Gee~
I had the first meeting with almost all of seniors and classmates last night. There were so many people at the meeting, including freshmen, coming-back students, major-changed students, transfer students, and almost all of seniors.
Unexpectedly I had really fun last night. Though I don't like to drink SOJU that much, it was interesting to meet my senior students. Because they were much older than I, and some of them already became teacher, I heard.
To talk about SOJU, I must not drink any alcohol for few month for health problem. It was hard to reject senior students' asking SOJU. But fortunately, somehow I returned to home earlier than other classmates. What a relief!!